Original SWAT Kats Story

Drums, Drums, Drums

By Tom Wilder

  • 1 Chapter
  • 1,115 Words

Konway’s Korps discovers yet another drum-related scheme afoot! (Oneshot – Complete)

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Konway’s Korps had become a force to be established with in Megakat City, but the one benefiting the most from it was the Sergeant. Having made a name for himself as a well-versed expert in traditional rudimental drumming, he was highly respected by his fellow Enforcers. It gave Leo the Patriotic Lion another reason to praise him for his behavior, as Leo was a percussion expert himself.

This day, the Sergeant was not only drumming on his military snare drum, he was accompanied by Hard Drive on bass drum, and his superior, Commander Feral, was playing “Garry Owen” on his fife. As they marched down the street, the SWAT Kats, in their flight suits, displayed Old Glory right behind them, carrying the flags with their left hands and saluting with their right hands. (Razor had the flag with 50 stars while T-Bone carried the Spirit of 76 flag.) Konway, in his drum major’s uniform, led the procession with a baton and whistle. Fango was also playing his bass drum, and the Dark SWAT Kats followed suit with their snare drums while Lenny Ringtail played his fife. Dark Kat simply marched to the beat and saluted with his right hand as Lt. Commander Steele carried another flag, which displayed the 13 stars in a circle.

It was an informal parade, but a small crowd acknowledged the group’s actions. Enforcers who were on the sidelines saluted the group as they passed by.

When the Korps reached Main Street, another drum could be heard in the distance, playing the drum cadence known as “Downfall of Paris.”

“Wonder if that’s Leo?” Razor asked.

“I don’t know,” said Konway, “but we’d better answer. Sergeant?”

“Yes, sir!” said the Sergeant with a salute, proceeding to beat out a cadence known as “Crazy Army.”

Hard Drive joined in with the bass drum.

The drummer from afar responded back with “Three Camps.” The Sergeant then played “Fancy 6/8,” again accompanied by Hard Drive, following by pounding out a long roll. When he finally broke the roll off, the mystery drummer came into view, pounding out “Shades of Grey,” a cadence made famous by the U.S. Army Hellcats.

“I see you two have your own code,” said Feral.

“Yes, sir,” said the Sergeant. “No one else knows the code like me and him. As you can see, it’s Col. Parkinson.”

“The drum major who helped us uncover that sound Johnny Hemmingway was responsible for?”


“Ah, Parkinson; nice to see you again,” said Feral, shaking Parkinson’s hand.

“I thank you, and same to you,” said Parkinson. “I knew if anyone was to respond to me, it would be the Sergeant.”

“Any problem you’d like us to solve?” asked T-Bone, all business as usual.

“As a matter of fact, yes. One of my soldiers who plays the clarinet discovered a stowaway who broke out of prison. It sounded to me like he was going to use timpani and amplify its sound waves so that all would be hypnotized to obey him. And, yes, I know this is something that would make the red, white, and blue blood in Leo the Patriotic Lion’s body boil like never before.”

“If he were to get angry over it,” Razor spoke up. “He’s trying to correct some of those issues.”

“I see.”

“Show us the way,” Feral put in. “We’ll see what he wants.”

Parkinson led the way, beginning another drumbeat, to which the others joined in. Feral, Konway, and Lenny, after waiting about 32 measures, began playing “The Recruiting Sergeant.”

When the ensemble reached the scene of the crime, there was the criminal, bright as day, banging on his timpani. But, no one could identify who he was just be looking at his face.

“Who is that?” asked Hard Drive.

“Beats me,” said Lenny. “Not even I recognize him.”

“Maybe he’s new,” Razor suggested. “Still, he’s not going to get away with this.”

“Better read him his rights,” Feral spoke up.

The group approached with caution, playing a traditional marching beat the Sergeant labeled as “Quickstep.”

When he stopped drumming, Feral bellowed, “All right, mister! We know what you are up to, and you will not get away with it! You have the right to remain silent!”

“Do you think you can thwart me that easily?” the villain shot back. “Alas, it is a plan that cannot fail! Hungry for music, I have gathered up enough materials to create the most beautiful music known to thine ears. Yet, no one would listen. No one would appreciate it.  So, with the sound waves amplified from the pounding of mine drums, the kats of the world shall be forced to hail me as their ruler just to receive beautiful music. Wonderful music! My music!” He laughed a vile laugh and began banging on his timpani again.

The sound waves traveled afar throughout Megakat City, but the citizens were prepared, wearing special earplugs so that the waves would have no effect. The members of Konway’s Korps were immune to the effect of the drumming.

“What? How can this be?” said the villain after realizing nothing happened. He tried again, but nothing happened. Then he tried a long roll and wouldn’t stop, prompting the Sergeant to begin another roll on his drum. Both cut off at exactly the same time. The process repeated itself several times.

About an hour later, the villain was becoming exhausted, but the Sergeant kept right on drumming. He pounded out the cadence known as “Connecticut Half Time” after the villain finally gave up and let Lenny cuff him when he knew it wasn’t worth it. The Sergeant began another long roll and cut off only when an explosive device (invented by Razor) destroyed the amplification machine. Several Enforcer pilots, after disconnecting all the devices and making sure the timpani drums were normal again, took them, loaded them in their choppers, and sent them to the scrap yard so that the Korps members could use them. Although they already had a set of timpani, these extra ones were useful when Feral performed a solo on them as part of a requirement of his membership, with—you guessed it—the Sergeant backing him up.


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