I Don’t Think I’m in Frigging Kansas Anymore!
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Rated: R for strong language.
Summary: A Swat Kats and Ace Combat 4 crossover. After trying to stop Dark Kat, Mobius-1 ends up in MegaKat City. This is the start; there will be more.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Swat Kats, never have, never will. They belong to Hanna-Barbera. I don’t own the name Mobius-1 or Skyeye. They’re owned by Namco. But, I do own Ash and James.
ISAF Allenfort Airbase 2:40pm:
Ash Williamson walked over to the command centre, his brown hair being ruffled by the wind. After getting inside, he went straight over to the duty roster and chuckled happily when Ash saw that his best friend, James Adams, was babysitting some new nuggets on a training mission.
(Maybe I should go up and see the new pilots? It would impress them to get a visit from Mobius-1!) he thought as he headed up to his office as the CO of the newly-formed Mobius Squadron.
After doing his paperwork, which was light today, Ash headed over to the changing room and got up to check on the new pilots. After changing into his flight suit, he walked over to the hanger which housed his S-37A. His blue eyes shined as he looked at it. The black paint seemed to suck in the light coming in. With the forward facing wings and stealth ability it was the cutting edge. All in all, Ash considered the S-37A to have the perfect combination of speed, mobility, and firepower which was the reason that he flew it and not the F-22A that was the standard for the Mobius Squadron. Indeed, that was why he had flown it against Megalith and had destroyed it.
Ash had taxied out to the runway when the scramble alarm went off.
“Skyeye, this is Mobius-1! What’s the Sit Rep?” and listened to James.
“Mobius-1, a UFO just appeared over Allenfort and started to splash the nuggets!”
Mobius-1 swore under his breath, vectored in on Skyeye’s position, and hit the afterburners.
MegaKat City Scrapyard 2:30am:
Chance slumped down on the couch and, picking up the remote, started flicking channels, looking for something good on TV. After two minutes, he gave up and, putting down the remote, he walked into the kitchen.
“Crud, Jake, is there anything we can do?” he asks Jake, who shrugged and replied, “Not in the scrapyard, Chance. I even managed to do all the modifications to the TurboKat that I been planning to do for ages.”
At which Chance just stared at his friend. “What? All of them?”
To which Jake just nodded.
“Now I know it’s a slow day!” Chance said, then looked at Jake with a sudden smile on his face. “I just thought of something to do, Jake.”
And, Jake looked at him. “I’m almost afraid to ask, but what is it?” he asked.
“We can go and piss Feral off!” and, with that, Chance ran out of the kitchen and put up the ‘Closed’ sign at the front door and ran back to see Jake still sitting there. “Come on, slow tail!”
To which Jake just shook his head and both of them headed down to the Hanger.
ISAF Airspace above West Point 3:00 pm:
“Damn!” muttered Mobius-1 as he dodged a volley of fire from the strange-shaped airplane that was hovering above Allenfort airbase. “Skyeye, where are the rest of the Mobius’ aircraft? This thing is a handful, James!”
As he banked left to come back round, he heard over the radio, “Mobius-1, all Mobius aircraft are inbound. Just hold on, Ash.”
As he lined up for an attack run, he wondered what the pilot of the weird-looking ship was.
Dark Kat swore under his breath as the radar showed 13 jet fighters heading towards him. “I just tried to steal some weapons! Now I have to jump back to MegaKat City to get away!”
As Mobius-1 headed to Dark Kat’s ship, he saw a strange field appear around it. Then, suddenly, it seemed to implode and trapped his S-37A in the field.
“Mayday, Mayday this is Mobius-1! Something weird just happened! I lost all control! Mayday!”
Onboard the AWACS, James Adams could only watch as both the UFO and Mobius-1 disappeared in front of him.
“This is Skyeye to all aircraft! Mobius-1 is down! All aircraft begin S and R! Find him!”
But, what they didn’t know was that he wasn’t on the same planet anymore.
Airspace above MegaKat City:
“Yahoo!” T-bone yelled out as the TurboKat roared past the Enforcers’ building “Razor, you are crudding brilliant!”
Razor just smirked. “Such faint praise… Hey, we should go see Callie.”
T-bone smiled. “Speaking of the deputy mayor…. Hullo, Miss Briggs!” and almost burst out laughing at the look on Razor’s face.
“Razor, you were coming to see me? By the way, call me Callie more often.”
Razor smirked and silently thanked Callie for giving him an opening to get T-bone back “Well, Callie, I always wanted to give you a flight in the TurboKat, but that means no T-bone and that would make him very worried.”
In City Hall, Callie Briggs watched the TurboKat and thought (Well, the guys are having fun so I should do the same) and asked, “Is that because he wouldn’t have the TurboKat or what we could be getting up to?”
In the cockpit both Swat Kats’ jaws dropped, and Razor decided to give as good as he was getting.
“Both, Callie, but let’s talk about what we could get up to.”
T-bone just sat there listening to Razor and Callie flirting with one other. (I hope he asks Callie out! He’s crazy about her after all.) And then, he saw something happening in front of them. “Razor, we got trouble!”
In a spilt second, the mood changes to one of business.
“Weapons systems on-line, Mega-laser on-line. We’re ready to kick some tale!”
T-bone looked ahead. “It’s Dark Crud!”
Ash struggled to control his S-37A after getting sucked into Dark Kat’s portal and, managing to gain control, leveled out and breathed a sigh of relief. As he started to look around, Mobius-1 was shocked.
“Where the hell am I? This isn’t Allenfort!” Then he spotted the ship that had sucked him with it.
In the TurboKat, T-bone looked at Dark Kat’s ship when…
“T-bone, there’s a second jet out there and it’s not an Enforcer jet!” was cried out by Razor.
Mobius-1 looked about him after setting his radio to look for any channels in use and saw a four jet formation heading towards him. “Well, looks like the locals aren’t happy. I just hope that they’re friends.”.
Dark Kat saw the TurboKat heading straight at him and hissed, “Swat Kats! And, that cursed jet has also come with me!”
Commander Feral looked around at the assembled group of people in front of him “Do any of you have any idea what that jet that appeared with Dark Kat is doing?” he asked.
The intelligence officer replied, “No sir, but it is a sure bet that he is working with Dark Kat.”
Feral walked over to his desk and opened a radio channel to the lead fighter. “Felina, you have permission to splash the UFO.”
In the lead fighter Felina blinked. “Commander, the UFO has a blue ribbon insignia and what I believe looks like ace markings on it. We may need more black helms up here.” And, increased her speed.
T-bone and Razor were heading towards Dark Kat’s ship when Razor noticed something wrong. “T-bone, Dark Kat’s not doing anything, anything at all!”
T-bone looked at his partner, puzzled “What’s he up to? Anyways, we are going to pay him a visit!”
As Dark Kat looked at the TurboKat heading toward him, he decided on his plan. “With the Enforcers dealing with that fool jet, I can attack City Hall!” and, with that, he headed to City Hall.
“Crud! He’s heading to City Hall!” Razor called Callie. “Miss Briggs, get out of City Hall! Dark Kat’s heading towards you!” he cried out.
“OK Razor, I’ll evac City Hall. Get him.”
Razor switched off the radio and looked left. “T-bone! The Enforcers are trying to shoot that jet down!”
Mobius-1 looked back left and right over his shoulders, trying to shake the lead fighter off his six. “Damn, this guy’s good! He flies that thing like he’s a member of the yellow squadron!” He hit the airbrakes, and the lead jet shot past him. Mobius-1 grinned. “All right, time to see how good you are. “As he tried to get a missile lock on her, Felina dived for the deck with Mobius-1 behind her and suddenly pulled up and started trying to evade Mobius-1.
“He’s as good as T-bone!” she muttered to herself as tried to get him off her six.
Just as Mobius-1 got a missile lock, the warning system burst into life, beeping away like crazy. Mobius-1 banked hard right as three fighters appeared on his six. “This is Mobius-1, somebody get these bogies off me! They’re all over me!”
“This is Mobius-1, somebody get these bogies off me! They’re all over me!” blared out of the TurboKat’s radio
“What the crud?” snarled out T-bone. “Where the heck did that come from!”
To which Razor replied, “That UFO. I think that we should talk to him.”
T-bone shook his head. “Not until we get Dark Kat.”
To which Razor agreed, “Yea, anyway, it looks like the lieutenant has got it under control. Missiles deployed.” As he said it, two missiles streaked away from the TurboKat and struck Dark Kat’s ship.
Dark Kat was violently shocked by the missiles striking his ship. “It doesn’t matter, in a couple of minutes, I will destroy City Hall and start building Dark Kat City!” Then, he realised that five more fighter jets were heading towards him.
“Commander,” Felina reported, “We need more fighters up here. Dark Kat is heading to City Hall!”
And, Mobius-1 heard this on his radio after he had just finished checking the radio channels. (Damn, how many Civilians will get killed?) He heard the replies.
“Felina, get Dark Kat! The UFO can wait! Protect City Hall, there are more jets inbound.”
Mobius-1 closed his eyes thinking. (It’s nothing to do with you, Ash) But, a little voice in the back of his head spoke up. (How many will be killed if you don’t help?) To which Mobius-1 muttered, “There is only one thing to do.” And, hitting the afterburners, he set a course for Dark Kat’s ship. Speaking into the radio, “This is Mobius-1, proceeding to intercept!”
T-bone and Razor had heard Mobius-1’s message and were shocked to see that he was indeed heading towards them.
“Well, Razor, it looks like our friend is coming to help.”
To which Razor nodded and replied, “Yep, and the Enforcers are coming with him!”.
T-bone smiled and banked the TurboKat around to give Razor a shot when the words came over the radio….
“Mobius-1, Fox-two! Fox-two!”
Mobius-1 had decreased the distance enough to allow him to use his missiles he had on Dark Kat. He had fired off two when over the radio came, “Good shot, Mobius-1!”
“Yea, now we nail Dark Crud, Sureshot!”
To which Mobius-1 asked, “Who is this?” and heard laughter come out the radio.
“We are the Swat Kats!”
(Swat Kats? Never heard of them!).
Then, a second voice came over the radio. “Swat Kats, don’t talk to the alien.”
“Lieutenant, he’s helping us out.”
Mobius-1 was getting a little pissed off now “Lieutenant I will talk to anybody I want! Anyway, we got to get this Dark Kat.”
Dark Kat looked at the radar and saw that the Enforcers’ reinforcements had shown up. “Curses, I’ll have to escape using my teleporter.”
But, before he did, he activated the self-destruct for his ship.
T-bone and Razor both flinched back from the exploding ship
“What happened? Where did the shot come from?” asked T-bone.
“Nowhere, I think that he destroyed the ship himself.”
Mobius-1 asked “Why? To stop us getting hold of it?”.
And, then a voice boomed out, “You hotshot vigilantes and Mobius-1 are under arrest!”
Mobius-1 asked, “Who’s this idjit?”
To which the reply was, “Commander Ulysses Feral of the Enforcers!”
(Brilliant) Mobius-1 thought. (Less then three hours in this city and I pissed off the local cops already!)
The Turbo-Kat pulled up alongside.
“Mobius-1, it’s time to be someplace else,” T-bone told him.
“OK, you lead and I follow you, but what about all those jets heading this way?” Which was true as the Enforcers were heading towards them.
“Well, they have to catch us first!”
As they headed to the city limits, Razor shut down the radio and asked, “T-bone, is this a good idea? We don’t have a handle on this guy, and I never seen an aircraft like that before. Nobody has developed forward facing wings, not even Puma-Dyne!”
T-bone looked in the mirror at Razor’s worried face. “Don’t worry, Sureshot, my hunches are always right.”
To which Razor let out a loud moan.
“Anyway, where can he go?”
To which Razor just shook his head. “T-bone, do I have to remind you about the last time one of your hunches went wrong. We ended up with splitting hangovers and severe memory loss!”
To which T-bone laughed.
SWAT Kats’ Hanger 6:00am:
Mobius-1 got out of his S-37A and, when he got to the ground, he pulled off his helmet and looked around. Ash’s eyes were taking in everything around him as he walked over to the Turbo-Kat.
“This is some set up…” His voice trailed off as they get a good look at one another.
Razor was the first to recover. “What the CRUD ARE YOU?”
Ash blinked and replied, “I should be asking you the same question!” and put a hand to his face and ran it threw his hair. “I don’t think I’m in frigging Kansas any more!” which got him a puzzled look from T-bone and Razor.
Just then, the communicator went off and Razor ran over to it followed by T-bone and Ash. Razor hit the button.
“Guys, are you OK?” came Callie’s voice, and Razor smiled.
“Better for hearing you, Miss Briggs.”
T-bone gave him a surprised look.
“Um, Miss Briggs, why are you calling?” asked T-bone.
“Well, guys, you left with that fighter and its pilot, Mobius-1?”
Razor and T-bone both looked over at Ash.
“Ach, it takes more then that to get rid of me.”
To which Callie replied, “Well, see you guys later.”
T-bone smiled. “She likes you, Jake.”
To which Razor blushed.
Ash ahem-ed and both Kats looked at him.
“There are three things I need to find out. 1. What the heck are you? 2. What’s going on? and 3. Just where the hell am I?”.
To that, Razor went, “I think we better do this somewhere comfortable.”
Ash sat in the kitchen, Chance and Jake in front of him, all three looking at one another.
“Well, we start from the beginning. My name is Ashley Williamson, but call me Ash. What’s yours?”
Chance started, “I’m Chance Furlong and this is Jake Clawson, my partner.”
Ash nodded and asked, “Any coffee around here? No, forget that question.”
Jake stood up and headed to one of the cupboards. “Yes, we got coffee. By the way, how did you get here and what is that jet you’re flying?”
Ash just shook his head. “You got coffee? Anyway, I was chasing Dark Kat’s ship when he attacked the airbase I was stationed at. And, my fighter is an S-37A, which only I can fly as the CO of the Mobius Squadron. Thanks,” he added as he took a mug from Jake.
“Mobius Squadron? You mean like the black helms. An elite squadron?”
Ash nodded and spotted something on the wall in the living room. “What the…?” as he got up and walked towards a plaque hanging on the wall. He took it down and looked at it, sipping his coffee, a puzzled look on his face. Chance and Jake had followed him, and he looked at them “Top Gun? How the hell do two guys that got full marks at Top Gun end up in a fucking Scrapyard?”
To which Jake smiled, “Well, that’s a long story.”
“So,” Ash recounted some time later, “You were chasing down Dark Kat when Commander Feral tried to steal the glory and you get shot down by his rear guns and crashed into the Enforcer building and got sent down hear to pay it off.”
Chance and Jake looked at each other. “Yep,” they both said.
“I am gonna smack Feral one when I meet him.”
Chance asked, “Ash where did you learn to fly like that and where did you get the ace markings? And, how did you become a squadron commander too?”
Ash smiled, “Well, that’s a long story.”
“OK,” Chance started, recapping Ash’s story. “Your planet was going to be destroyed by a big meteorite, your nations built a big missile launcher called Stonehenge to destroy it. After you destroyed it, the country of Eursea takes over Stonehenge and used it as an anti-aircraft weapon….”
Jake took over. “With it, they had total air control and started a war. You, after a long campaign, destroyed Stonehenge and, with it out of the way, you headed to the Eursean Capital and, after beating them there, you got a full surrender, but. as a last ditch attempt, a group of young officers take over Megalith, Stonehenge’s replacement, and you lead an attack to destroy it, which you did, and afterwards you got hailed a hero and were awarded command of the Mobius Squadron.”
Ash looked at both of them “That is about it in a nutshell. Christ, is that the time?” as Ash looked at a clock on the wall. “Is there some place where I can get some sleep?”
To which Chance replied, ” Upstairs, second door on the left,” and, with that, Ash headed upstairs.
After Ash had left, Jake looked at Chance. “Well, for once your hunch was right.”
Upstairs, Ash thought about what he was going to do.
“I got to find a way to get back home. Tomorrow I ask them about where I can get help from and how they are the Swat Kats.” Then, he just shook his head and muttered “Cats,” fell on the bed, and was fast asleep.
Disclaimer: SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron is copyright to Hanna-Barbera Cartoons Inc. All Rights Reserved. © 1995. All other characters and material within this page are the property of their respective creators.