Original SWAT Kats Story

The All Out…

By Sigma 9

  • 1 Chapter
  • 3,703 Words

A collection of assorted madness (take this literally!) and the original YKYWTMSKW

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The All Out Multi-Purpose Super Ninja Cultural Kat Girl Felina Feral Nuku Nuku 95 It’s Gotta Defraggor To The Extreme!

You Know You Watch Too Much SWAT Kats When… Below is a list of possable completions to the following statement: “You know you watch too much SWAT Kats When…”

You name your cats Felina and Rex Shard

You make your own variants on their missiles (i.e. Buzz saw lawn mower mirashe, Cyclo-bike-a-tron)

You tear apart a perfectly good floppy disk just to throw it about a room screaming “Buzz saw missile… AWAY!”

You only wear Callie’s perscription glasses, even if you don’t need them!

During a thunderstrorm, you’re been known to be out with a flare and a sign ready to greet the SWAT Kats if their dimensional radar sends ’em your way.

You start taking the SWAT Kats into account while planning the ultimate destruction of TPS.

While in chemestry class you ask the chemistry teacher if you could wear goggles desined for an anthromorphic human.

You have ong debates with your friends that Mutilor possibly came from that possible tenth planet, Khyron.

While at a costume party, you think you see Felina, but when you look again, it’s just some dweeb in a police outfit.

You scold the dweeb in the police outfit for impersionating Felina.

When the electricity goes out, you’re sure it’s Dark Kat using a power draining device.

Your dream wedding dress looks exactly like Callie’s dress.

You make up lyrics to the opening songs.

Even your parrot knows your lyrics by heart.

You have an official SWAT Kats Pillow, and you’re 26 years old!

You own 2 VCR’s. Just in case one fails during taping an ep.

You do SWAT Kat poses to warm up for your arobics classes.

You buy a new ZIP drive, just so you have a place to store all of the SWAT Kats files you’ve downloaded.

You spend hours going through your local police records to find the wherabouts of the SWAT Kats.

You run away screaming “Run for your life! Volcanus is coming back to life!” right before the artificial volcano erputs at the mirage hotel in Las Vegas.

You set up your computer to play nonthing but SWAT Kats music and sound, and everything elseis blocked from the system.

You run aroung yelling “Launching Cylotron!” for no reason at all.

You go to your local archade in hope of playing “Space Kats!”

You hum one of the theme songs in the shower.

Your day starts off with you glued to the screen yelling obceneries to the villians, and anyone who interfears gets milk cans thrown at them!

You carry a triangular beeper… just in case.

You get the SWAT Kats insignia tatooed on your forehead.

You are depressed that your cat isn’t five feet tall, and talks.

SWAT Kats has changed your life. You now: 1) Drink milk everyday. 2) Keep a positive self-opinion like T-Bone. 3) You see Commander Feral where others don’t. 4) Plant a tree every time you see “Destructive Nature” 5) Work as hard phisically as you do mentally, to be more like Razor (though I wouldv’e rather said T-Bone)

You start talking like a reporter for no particuluar reason… any comment?

You have a rabbit named Chop Shot (sp?)

You diagram the Turbokat and work out the idea of having 3 engines using only two air intakes in math class.

Your notebook has more SK doodles than it does notes!

You can’t help eating 43,000,000 mongo peppers without a drink, even if it kills you.

Your whole life is bent on working at a dump.

You are looking for a date, but are only interested in guys that resemble Jake, exactly.

You nickname your computer Zed.

You sit in class wishing you were home playing with your SK action figures.

You make a tape of all the SK music, and cry at sad songs and cheer out loud at the cool songs on the bus!

Your friend who also loves Swat Kats says you watch too much SWAT Kats.

You petitoin your school that all the busses should come with a VTOL mode.

You’re dissecting cats in biology and run out of the room screaming “I can’t take this! I’m a traitor to all kat kind!!”

You think that with practice, you can jump as high as the SWAT Kats can.

You get caught in K-Mart buying SK stuff and make an excuse that it’s for your little brother, then five minutes later, realize you don’t have a little brother!

You are buying Kats stuff and when someone asks if the Kats stuff is for your little brother\nephew\son, you stare at them blanky, as if you didn’t understand the question.

Your girlfriend thinks you love Felina more than her.

Your girlfriend thinks you love Felina more than her, AND SHE’S RIGHT!!!!

You get attacked at your computer by an intruder so you grab the mouse and throw it at him while yelling “Mouse Missile… Deployed!”

You make a You Know You Watch Too Much SWAT Kats When… file!

You use SK posters as wall paper in your room!

You call up every appliance store to see if they have a flating Zed ball!

You can get up at 4:30 in the morning to see an SK ep, but you can’t get to any of your classes on time!

You grab someone’s wristwatch, while they’re still wearing it, and hold it up to the shy because you think you can travel back to see Callista.

You imagine what life would be like with your fiance, but all you can think about is what life would be like married to Callie.

You try to convince your Internet Administrator that your E-Mail address should be changed to read: swat.kat@Megakat.city.com

When asked what the third planet from the sun’s name is, you without thinking shout out the name of the Kat’s planet, then frown because they never said the Kat’s planet’s name – EVER!

You’ve actually done some of these!

Your laughter begins to sound as annoying as Jake’s!

You get the refrences to these!

And…

You get a huge static shock from your TV and you’re absolutly convinced it’s Hard Drive trying to get out! ________________________________________________________________________ The All Out Multi-Purpose Super Ninja Cultural Kat Girl Felina Feral Nuku Nuku 95 It’s Gotta Defraggor To The Extreme! By: Ryan Kelley ________________________________________________________________________ Act One: And We’re back with the last half of the Nuku Nuku Tournament of the Extreme! I’m your host, Ann Gorra here bringing you live footage of this special event! The Leaderboard Stands giving Ulysses Feral 910 points, Chance Furlong with 1050 points, Jake Clawson with 1050 points, Callie Briggs with 825 points, Felina Feral with 1050 points, … And Rupert Manx with -15 points! We have a three way tie for first place, the fabulous prize of whacking tED tURNER in the head with a lead baseball bat!

Ann Gorra shouted over the loudspeaker to the cheering crowd. The brightly decorated arena was raining with confetti. “And here’s the next event! One at a time, Each of our contestants race against the clock to find the nuclear powered artichoke among a bunch of highly breakable items and hot whipped cream! It looks like Rupert Manx will go first!” Mayor Manx stepped out into the arena. The crowd cheered. He was in a light blue tank top and yellow shoes, wearing the number 13 in front. The number in back read “Kick me!” “Oh your mark, get set,” Ann yelled. A gun fired above the noise of the crowd. “He’s only got one minute to find the ARTICHOKE!” Ann confirmed. Manx charged through the maze of delicate glass objects. “What Am I looking for?” Manx asked. He ran a bit more. “EAT THIS!!” came a reply from a mat seated above Manx who was holding a bucket. “Don’t hurt me!” Manx cried, getting into a cowering position. The kat dumped the contents over Manx’s head, giving him a shower in whipped cream. “Kids today.” Manx sighed, “They don’t have a sense of discipline!” The buzzer rang, and the crowd gave a groan. “Okay! It looks like Felina will go next!” Anne said into the microphone in the announcer’s booth Felina was dressed in a grey tank top and black shorts. Her number read 50,143,987. “Ten, nine, eight, six, five, two…!” Anne counted down. The sound of a duck signaled Felina to begin. Felina darted through, knocking over everything. She slipped on Manx’s whipped cream that was dumped on him. The siren blew signifying that Felina had lost. “CRUD!” Felina said, clenching her fists. Jake walked out, holding the ARTICHOKE that they were trying to find. “And Jake was won!” Ann was heard saying. Felina stood up and saw Jake with the oversized radioactive disk. “WHAT?!” She was covered in whipped cream. She took a step, and slipped, sending her forward towards Jake. Jake fell upon her, Felina grabbed the disk, so that both of them were holding the disk. “I didn’t know you cared!” Jake revered, looking down at Felina who was laying, pinned down by Jake Felina struggled to get away. “SCORE!” Ann shouted. Felina ran into the player’s quarters and ran back, holding a bazooka. “SHUT UP!” Felina shouted, firing the bazooka upwards, at the announcer’s stand. “Yeow!” Ann cried as the projectile just missed her, accidentally nuking TPS, but then again, what’s the loss? “YEOW!” The crowd cheered in chorus. “YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW!!!” “CRUD! I’ve started Megakat City’s newest fad!” Felina moaned. Feral came out for his turn. “Yeow! Yeow!… Oh! Felina! Cool craze isn’t it?” Feral said. Felina just gave a groan, and walked back to her room prepared for her. She heard something in the supply closet. Kinda like a groan of passion. Felina opened the door. Inside were the SWAT Kats, each holding a bucket of whipped cream. “SUPPLIES!!!” they yelled, dumping the whipped cream all over her. “Crud! You guys past high school yet? And By the way, how come you two are in the “Nuku Nuku Tournament of the Extreme!”? It’s for the important people of Megakat City! “Some kats list wouldn’t have it any other way!” Chance said. “All I had to back me up to get me here was Ryan Kelley. Something about a date afterward. Geez! He looks like Hard Drive!!” Felina complained. “Too bad!” Jake said, walking away. “Oh, and um, the next event should start soon, so… huh! Clean up quick!” “Hey! Where’d you get to be so cruel?” Chance asked, growling at Jake. ________________________________________________________________________ Act Two: “And We’re back with the tournament of the century where you win stuff!” Ann announced to the crowd. The arena was ready for the next event, and the crowd was now throwing about white confetti. “The next event will have each of the contenders on color coded platforms. Each will try to knock their opponents off their platforms spaced in a circle thirty feet apart with electric hips! The Leaderboard Stands with Ulysses Feral having 194732 points, Chance Furlong with 999999999999999999999999999999999999 points, Jake Clawson with 193478492 points, Callie Briggs with 5430978 points, Felina Feral with 854797069850798, And Rupert Manx with 5x + 596874256987432y -8t = z points!” Ann Announced. “And This time, no cheating!” Felina grumbled, walking out to her her platform. The platforms were ten feet in diameter, and were ten feet off the ground and below was a pit of dirty snow. “On your mark, Get set… STOP!! “Ann said through the loudspeakers. “Gotcha!!” The scream from a motherless goat started the round. One of the people in the crowd pushed Felina off her platform and took her place. Felina fell headlong into the dirty snow. “Crud!” Felina yelled. Then her mind drifted. Returning with a bucket. Jake was concentrating on the contest. “Surprise!” Felina yelled from behind Jake. “Huh?!” Jake yelled turning to face her. Felina dumped the bucket of snow over his head. Feral saw a chance to eliminate Jake. Both Felina and Jake were knocked off the platform. ________________________________________________________________________ Act Three: “And we’re back again.” Ann moaned to the asleep and not paying attention audience. They were building confetti and whipped cream snowmen. “This next event is… Awww, let’s forget it. Let’s just say it’s a tie. You all get the fabulous prize of whacking tED tURNER in the head with a lead baseball bat!” The competitors, Ann, and the entire crowd ended up whacking tED in the head, so, 964,873,963,874,496,387,296,324,876,987,543 whacks later, Felina was walking back to Megakat city. Her car had a “Kick me” sign on it when she last left it, so someone kicked the car’s windows in… and driven off with it. The SWAT rode up behind her. “Hey, need a lift?” Chance asked. Felina only responded by throwing confetti snowballs at them. “Well if you’re gonna act that way…” Chance said, driving off. Smiling, she ran out of sight, and came back with her car. Too bad that she kicked her windows in, but it was worth it! ________________________________________________________________________ Since most people liked it, I’ll do what tAD tURNOR does with Capt. Planet and Jonney Quest! The encore presentation of: You Know You Watch Too Much SWAT Kats When… Below is a list of possable completions to the following statement: “You know you watch too much SWAT KAts When…”

You can’t eat Mongo peppers without laughing

You almost got fired from your job becauce you were posting a 15 page letter to alt.tv.SWATKats newsgroup.

You are hungry, and you wish the SWAT Kats would come over and cook for you.

You are stuck on a homework problem and wish you could have Jake beside you telling you how to do the problem.

Someone tells you that you look\act\sound like Dark Kat, and you take it as a compliment!

You’ve been watching too much SWAT Kats??? THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS WATCHING TOO MUCH SWAT KATS!!!

You add to this You Know You Watch Too Much SWAT Kats When… list!

You’d rather watch a repeat of SWAT Kats than watch a new episode of Friends.

You have plastic surgery done, so you can look more like Hard Drive without his surge suit on [P.S. I look like Hard Drive {with Anne’s hair cut to the length and looks like of Chance’s} naturally!]

You dress in blue, black, and red to the exclusion of anything else

you scream the name of an SK character during orgasm [Note: don’t let this get you any carzy ideas!]

You dress like the SWAT Kats every chance you get.

You throw a costume party, because Haloween is too long to wait to dress like the SWAT Kats!

You like SWAT Kats so much you only use your cat’s litterbox!

You like SWAT Kats so much you continually lick your cat to get hairballs, despite the weird comments you get!

Your friends and family ask you to see a psychiatrist, to talk about your SWAT Kats ‘Facination’

You start to think about… anything. and it always seems to turn into something SWAT Kats related.

You use this as a checklist to see how much of a SWAT Kats freak you are.

You name your kids after T-Bone and Razor.

You celebrate every character’s barthday, even when you don’t know *when* they are!

You have a directory on your computer titled “Kats”, “SWATKats” or something like it as a place to store really important stuff. (tough luck! Mac and Win95 users!)

Your “Kats” directory is the most often used directory on your computer… as well as on your friends computers!

You hang the SWAT Kats action figures from your rear view mirror.

When you speak, the words don’t synchronize with your lips.

You wish you were an anime or cartoon (Whever you like) character so you could meet the SWAT Kats face to face.

You wish the SWAT Kats would come to you.

You find *every* character in SWAT Kats attractive!

It’s the only reason you get up in the morning!

You watch a rock concert and you swear that you see the Turbokat flying to the music overhead.

The SWAT Kats FAQ is your bible.

You think the Tremblay brothers are gods, or very close to it.

Your E-mail’s signature quotes SWAT Kats episodes.

To get that perfect girl, you call her “Callie” and say romantic stuff to her like “Blast them out of the sky!” and “Sit down and be quiet!” because you KNOW this is the way to win her heart.

You print out both of the You Know You Watch Too Much SWAT Kats When… mail thingies and show it to your friends if they like it or not.

You give your friends SK nicknames and insist for them to use ’em whether they like it or not!

Every time you say “SWAT-” your friends roll their eyes and think “not again” when you *could’ve* been saying “Swat that stupid fly before it drives all mad!”

T-Bone’s love life is more improtant than your own!

you see a psychiatrist, to talk about your SWAT Kats ‘Facination’, and get her hooked as well!

You can’t remember what the acronyms “ASAP” and “RIP” stand for, but when you see “YKYWTMSKW” for the very first time, gou say without thinking “Oh… You Know You Watch Too Much SWAT Kats When!”

You suggest SWAT Kats be the theme for your senior prom.

You overhear a conversation, and you thing they’re saying “SWAT Kats” every third word.

When shopping for clothes, you think to yourself “Now what would Razor wear?”

You can fit SWAT Kats into ANY conversation.

You throw a party and only serve mango peppers… and *only* mongo peppers!

You have dreams about SWAT Kats

Your mother is currently threatening to break your sk tapes because you watch them too much.

You are known in school as the SWAT Kats weirdo.

You are driving a car, and every time you turn on the headlights, you yell “Eat afterburner!”

You have to move to a new city and your main concern is if the local TV stations play SWAT Kats or not.

You single handedly try to bring all the SWAT Kats fans together to form a Save our SWAT Kats letter writing campaign.

Every time you hear Areosmith’s “dude looks like a lady” you can’t help but think of Felina.

You change you perscription eyeglasses to Callie’s in hopes that it will make you smarter.

You try to figure out how to to tell friends and family that the name you gave your cat just isn’t cutting it after all these years so you’re changing it to T-Bone.

Instead of cussing at someone, you yell things like “spore”, “fungus”, “robot”, and “foolish mortal”

You sit in trig class writing fan fiction instead of learning about the law of sines.

someone calls you a SWAT Kats freak, and you take it as a compliment.

You dream of T-Bone, instead of your boyfriend.

You dream of Felina, instead of your girlfriend.

You’ve made a shrine to SWAT Kats

It no longer bothers you that you’re 20 years older than the target audience.

You make up SWAT Kats episodes and watch them in you dreams.

If the power goes out, you prey it will come back on in time to tape SWAT Kats.

Once every week, you do a web search to look for more SK sites.

You decide there’s gotta be a way to get to another dimension where the SWAT Kats exist, and you’re going to be the one to find it!

While at a school dance, if someone tries to cut in on your girl, you respond by knocking him cold, because that’s what’ve T-Bone would’ve done!

Your ideal wife would be Callie.

Your ideal husband would be Razor.

It seems that your computer’s on 24 hours a day because you are continually downloading SK files!

You place a presonal ad in the paper: 24 year old seeking feline with blonde hair and glasses!

and…

You go to school dressed like Callie, but are sent home because you look to: a: Silly b: sexy c: psycho d: all of the above

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