Original SWAT Kats Story

Mixed Species

By Professor Isaac Hackle

  • 1 Chapter
  • 3,582 Words

“The Maxx” Crossover. What happens when you mix two vigilantes, a huge bunny in a purple costume, a social worker who dresses like a hooker, and an apparently immortal rapist possessed by the Pastmaster?

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Author's Notes:

1/9/97

“Mixed Species”

By P. I. Hackle

Take 3! 3rd time’s the charm, and this is my third story. Anywhat, email comments, criticizms, and info. On where to send money to:

pihackle@hotmail.com

Again, we have the “What do I know of” scale:

“I know them both”-Skip this part and go to the main story.

“I know SwatKats but not the Maxx”-Go to the comic book store, and pick up a few issues BEFORE number 21 (#’s 1-20). My favorites are: 4,5,6,8,10,12,14,and 20. There was also a cartoon made for MTV, and if you can get your hands on the home video, or a friend’s copy of it, or the eps off of tv (I’ve got a full set), it would be beneficial, also. The cartoon is lifted pretty much straight out of issues 1-11, so it should help. There’s not a lot about The Maxx on the web, or at least not that I have found, but the above SHOULD give you an idea of what I’m talking about.

“I know of the Maxx, but not SwatKats.”-SK has a small but devoted following on the web. Try and get a copy of the FAQ, and watch a few episodes on Cartoon Network on Saturdays at 1 PM Central Time (2 PM Eastern)

“What the hell are SwatKats and The Maxx?” How did you end up here again?

As with Planet of the Cheetah People, my author comments will be in “design marks” (I’m in Computer Programming, so I use these for comments already.) For those of you who are unaware of what these look like, here is an example of a comment.

{This is a comment.}

Also, after I finish this story, here are what I have in mind for stories. Email me and tell me which one you want me to do:

“SwatKats: The Gathering”-Jake is brought to the land of Dominia, where many centuries ago, a great magical war took place, eventually spreading to the lands. Now, the descendants of wizards are battling for control of the land, and guess who one of them is…

“Mortal SwatKats”-The SwatKats find themselves on a strange planet, where strange warriors with strange powers fight strange battles regularly. When the SwatKats want to leave, they are informed that the only way out is to be the best in a grand series of fights…

“The SwatKats Horror Picture Show”-A Script Format: Jake and Chance are driving to visit Hackle, and blow a tire. Stupidly having forgotten to bring a spare, they head for a castle that they had recently passed. What they find inside is shocking, as they learn that the castle is inhabited by alien transvestites who have a passion for singing. This story would be a modified version of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” and would just be mostly lines with minor or major changes to be appropriate.

Email me with what you think, and I’ll do the one with the most votes, or whichever I feel like doing. My email address, again, is:

pihackle@hotmail.com

This story is for Ryan Kelly, who’s finally starting to grow up, and not having someone raped every other scene in multiply gross ways. Also for writing the Nuku Nuku stories, I love those.

And now…Let me tell you a story…

Chapter Zero-Mr. Gone’s Introduction

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello. I’m Mr. Gone, and I’m a supervillian. Well, not in this dimension, but I used to be. You see, I was in this other dimension, where cats have evolved, and so we have humanoid felines running around in charge of the world. One day, though, some robo-aliens came, and blasted me. My body, already dead and just a skeleton, but still a body, died again, throwing my soul off into space. I somehow wound up here, and now I’m ready to make my return. While here, I have come across some people who might be useful to me in my desires to kill off those infernal SwatKats. Especially that homeless bum, Maxx. This should be fun! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter One

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s cold. Dark and Cold. Piercing, dirtying kind of cold that you can’t shake off. My head aches. I feel sick. I am THE MAXX!

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hey! Jake! Will ya answer the phone?”

“Oh. Sure. Who needs a tow?”

“Jake? It’s Callie. My car’s broken again.”

“Right. Be there in 10 minutes.”

“THAT WAS MISS BRIGGS?!?!?!”

“Sorry. You took the CHANCE of letting me answer the phone.”

“Let’s go.”

Three hours later, they were still working on Callie’s car.

“Ooh. How could some of this happen? Most kats can’t even get in there to mess with some of this stuff.” Complained chance.

“Yeah. You’d think that on her salary, she could buy a car that works. Still, she brings in enough business that we can cover the bills, AND give a nice donation to Feral.”

“Not to mention covering the expenses on the turbokat.”

“Yeah. Let’s call it a night.”

“Yeah.”

Chance was in the kitchen, making nacho mongo pizza. When it had finished baking, Jake was asleep on the couch. Chance forced him awake by shoving a slice of the pizza into his mouth, and making him chew.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HOT! HOT! HOT! WATER!!! AGGGGHHH!!!”

Jake didn’t find water, but he did devour a whole six pack of milk cans before he could speak again.

“Ow. I’m going to sleep.”

“Me too. You sure looked funny, though, with your mouth of fire and stuff.”

“Think of what the leftovers will taste like in the morning.”

“Whoah.”

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Chapter Two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake and Chance had a dream. But they weren’t Jake and Chance. They were T-Bone and Razor. The setting was similar to prehistoric Australia, and it was more than a dream. It was real.

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know.”

“Too bad we don’t have the Turbokat here.”

“Yeah, but at least we have our glovatrices.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just thought I saw something.”

“Oh.”

They didn’t see it coming. A white isz jumped on Razor, and started eating at his arm.

“Argh! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”

T-Bone fired his glovatrix at the isz, but it did no good.

“I can’t get it off!”

“IT HURTS!!!!!!”

Poom! A flash of purple and yellow flew over Razor, picked up the isz, and plowed it into a tree. The unknown savior continued to beat at it’s target with it’s large yellow claw, until it was nothing more than a greyish-white mass on the ground.

“The isz is no more. Who are you strange visitors?”

“We’re the SwatKats. This is T-Bone, and I’m Razor.”

“T-Bone and Razor?”

“Yeah…”

“Come. We must find the jungle queen.”

“O.K….”

Jake and Chance flashed back to their own dimension.

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Chapter Three

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Uhhhhhh…I had the weirdest dream last night, Jake. Jake? You up buddy?”

“Ohhhhh…my head. Where’s the bottle of Aleve I bought last night?”

“Still in the kitchen.”

“O.K.”

Jake went over to the bag, and found the jumbo-super-mega-never have to buy pills again-feed these to the army for a week-size bottle, and swallowed down half of the bottle’s contents. Chance finished the bottle off. They were out of milk, so they had to drink soda instead.

“Hey-Chance-Want some cold pizza?”

“Sure.”

Jake went over to the fridge, but instead of a plate with nuclear stregnth dinner on it, was a blue and black creature loaded with teeth.

“Chance?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m hallucinating. Do you see a very dark ball of teeth in the fridge?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. That means it’s real.”

“We should probably run now.”

“Might not be such a bad idea.”

The two kats made a run for it, while Jake took a butcher knife, and plunged it into the creature’s head repeated times, before just hitting it on the head with a sledgehammer. Creature mush flew all over the salvage yard, especially right onto the winshield of the driver of the salvage deliverer, who quickly used his winshield wipers to clean it off.

“Meep. Sign here. Meep.”

“Huh? Norms are out today, huh? And you sure are short.”

“Meep. Yeah. Meep. Where ya Meep wan me to meep leave this stuff?”

“Oh, just around back.”

“Okey Dokey. Meep.”

“And take something for those hiccups.”

“Meep. Meep. Meep.”

“Weird. No one’s car is here except for Callie’s, which we have to order parts for, so I’m going back to bed.” Said Jake.

“Works for me.”

“G’Night.”

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Chapter Four

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“O.K. So tell me what’s wrong again, Sarah?”

“Julie, you know I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine. So what’s new?”

“Not much. Maxx kept telling me about these humanoid cats and stuff.”

“Another dream in the outback?”

“Yeah. Time to go. Catch you later, Julie.”

“What a kid.”

Julie went into another room. Maxx was in there.

“Yeah.”

“So what’s with these cats?”

Two honks woke Jake and Chance up. They had been sleeping since 9 A.M. the day before, and the 6 A.M. salvage truck had just arrived. Jake answered.

“Hi Chuck. Hi Dave.”

“Hi Jake. How’s by you?”

“Not bad. And you?”

“The same.”

“That’s good.”

“Where ya want us to drop this?”

“Same as normal.”

“O.K.”

{This is after Burke and Murray got killed, assume that this story either happened after “Planet of the Cheetah People”, or that the isz that made the one delivery killed them. Assume that Chuck and Dave were the people who did the work for Burke and Murray when they were sick, and now have their jobs.}

The deliverers did their thing, and on the way out said good bye. Jake an Chance did their sorting, and worked on the turbokat. It was time to eat their two day old Nacho Mongo pizza. However, when they realized that they were out of milk, they postponed it for a trip to the grocery. Speaking of which…

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Intermission: Five fun places to hang out:

1. the mall 2. the library 3. the supermarket 4. Wal-Mart type stores, but not Wal-Mart or K-Mart. 5. Outside when it’s warm.

Now, back to the story. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Armed with enough milk to build a new engine for the turbokat out of the leftover cans, Jake and Chance tried the pizza. A flash of fire, the whole place stopped.

Jake and Chance were in the outback. Back as T-Bone and Razor, they at least still had their pizza with them, which turned into an advantage, as an isz jumped for Razor, who promptly shoved part of his pizza piece into the little creature’s mouth. The isz jumped up quickly, and exploded.

“That’s what my stomach kind of feels like.”

“Look-A House!”

The swatkats began running towards the house. Little did they know that Maxx and Julie were venturing towards the same house on the other side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Five

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Look. It’s the house of the Jungle Queen.”

“O. K. Maxx. Sure. Just why aren’t we in my apartment?”

“Julie, this is the outback.”

“Right. So it’s in our brains.”

“Sort of.”

“Well, at least I know something works.”

“Hey Razor-Why do ya think we keep coming back here?”

“Probably the pastmaster, but he’s dead, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. Cool.”

The four kept walking towards the house, with both pairs walking in their own directions. And at the house, as soon as they met, they were both instantly flung back into their own dimensions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Six-Mr. Gone’s Words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello. Mr. Gone here. How are you? I”m not doing so well, since Julie Winters cut my head off, and Sarah nearly blasted off hers. Anyways, it’s time to bring sarah into my plan. I’d been hoping to save her from this, but it appears that I must. My main problem is trying to get Maxx and Julie to stay with those infernal SwatKats. Unfortunately, whenever they get together, everyone is forced home. If lucky, I should be able to bring them here, or vice versa. That would be interesting, as cats make Julie sneeze. Yes. It’s now time. Come with me, and our journey shall begin. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Seven

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maxx and Julie were popping back into their dimension at the same time Sarah was walking into Julie’s apartment.

“Hi Sarah. What’s up?”

“Oh, not much. Mom still acts like a retarded hippie, and Dad’s still terrorizing the city. Just a normal day.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey Maxx-See any more weird cats?”

“Yeah, and Julie was tehre too.”

“Really?”

“yeah. I visited the outback with maxx, and saw two cats in flight suits. Very weird.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey Julie-Got any pez?”

“No maxx. No pez today.”

“Damn.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Uhhh…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Eight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chance? Chance? Where are you, Chance?”

“Jake? Is that you?”

“Yeah. Why are we in a bathroom decorated to look like cows?”

“Good question. And the pipes are leaking.”

“Yeah.” Jake got up. “Uh. My back! I’m getting old.”

“You’re only 27.”

“Still.”

“Let’s try and find a way out.”

The SwatKats opened the door, and saw a wall of dark isz. The Swatkats shut the door extremely quickly, and considered leaving through another way. The walls seemed pretty weak, and they figured out which one was an exterior wall. Razor fired a set of buzz saw blades, and cut a hole in the wall big enough for them to exit through, which they replaced when they were done.

“T-Bone?”

“Yeah?”

“I got a feeling we’re not in MegaKat City anymore.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Nine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey! You two from the outback?”

A child was approaching the SwatKats. He couldn’t have been more than eight or nine.

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Oh. The old bum over there was talking about big cats, and the outback, and the Maxx.”

“Sorry…Never been there.”

T-Bone looked at razor, and they went over to see the old bum.

“Hello?”

The bum sat there. He turned to see them, and was in shock.

“So you werent’ just a dream!”

“And you weren’t either!”

“It’s not safe for you here. Come with me.”

“Thanks.”

The SwatKats followed the Maxx through the city,a nd although they got lots of stares, nothing major seemed to happen. When they got to Julie’s place, she opened the door and sneezed.

“Geez, Maxx, can’t you hang around without the animals?”

“Uh…I wish you hadn’t said that.”

Maxx stepped aside to reveal the SwatKats.

“You!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Ten

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So.”

“So.”

“We meet and don’t get thrown across the universe.”

Sniff Sniff.

“This might sound like a dumb question, but what are we doing here?”

“Who knows. Probably that nutcase Mr. Gone brought you here.”

“Mr. Who?”

“Mr. Gone. He’s a total whacko. He kidnapped me once, and I cut his head off. Unfortuantely, he got it reattached at least once.”

“Uhh…”

“Yeah.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Good question. I can’t take you anywhere, because you know the kind of stares you guys get. You stick out like sore thumbs.”

“So do 7 foot tall purple guys.”

“At least Maxx can be made to look inconspicuous.”

“So do you have any ideas on how we can get home?”

“Yeah, Right. Gone’s the mystic, not me. For all I know, click your heels together 3 times, and repeat to yourselves ‘There’s no place like home.’”

“Why?”

“How should I know? I saw it in a movie.”

“Oh.”

“Damn. I’m missing Litterbin.”

“Live with it.”

“Hey-Julie-Beavis and Butt-Head’s on.”

“Yeah, since tED tURNER doesn’t own MTV yet.”

“Hey-He cancelled OUR cartoon.”

“We had one, but the story they were using ended, so it didn’t matter too much.”

“Yeah. And we got our own comic.”

“Smeghead.”

“Hey Julie-What night is it?”

“Friday. That means I get to control the TV tonight.”

“Damn. Talking out loud again.”

“Yep! Tonight it’s just me and Doctor Who.”

Julie turned on her TV to her local PBS, and the psychadelic theme music began. That week’s episode was oddly enough ‘Remembrance of the Daleks’, which made Jake and Chance remember their encounter with the Doctor and his companion.

“Hey-We met them.”

“Who? Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred?”

“No, the Characters.”

“Oh. And I suppose you fought the daleks, too.”

“Yeah!”

“B. S.”

“Sure, don’t believe us. Just be careful when Ace has that baseball bat. She whacked me in the head with It once, and I was out for 4 hours.”

{If you don’t get this part, read Planet of the Cheetah people, also by me}

“You’re probably right, since after all, you are anthropomorphic cats.”

“Yeah.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Eleven-Mr. Gone Ponders

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well. Things are going my way, aren’t they? Maxx and Julie are with those blasted SwatKats. Best of all, I haven’t had to bring Sarah into it, keeping her from knowing what I don’t want her to. Now, time to go in for the kill. With luck, I can kill three furry creatures with one attack. That way, I can go straight to revealing Julie’s past to her. Now, How should I mount the attack?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Twelve

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The SwatKats and Company were in the outback.

“What’s that in the sky?”

“The Crappon in a hat. The stupidest cartoon, ever.”

“Hey. I liked it. I even had a dream with the crappon once.”

{For Maxx’s dream, see Maxx #5.}

“Weird.”

The four flashed into the kat world, straight into the hangar of the SwatKats.

“Great. SO where the hell are we now?”

“Home sweet home.”

“Uh…T-Bone…What do we do with or guests?”

“Good point.”

“Thank you.”

“We’ll have to keep them here.”

“How do we make sure that the do stay down here?”

“Can we just lock them in?”

“Excuse me? You want to just lock us down here?”

“Sorry, we not only have other kats seeing you here, but you might give away who we really are.”

“Please. Where would we go?”

“You wanted us kept up in your apartment.”

“Sheesh.”

The four then flashed back into the outback.

“The outback again? Geez, cant I stay anywhere for more than a few minutes?”

Dimensions began flashing at an incredible rate. The quartet kept flashing between the kat world, Julie and Maxx’s world, and the outback. T-Bone passed out, and the rest were in soon follow. The dimensions continued to flash.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Thirteen-More of Mr. Gone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Come to me. It is time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Fourteen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the four woke up, they were in an area of solid black, surrounded by dark isz. Meeping was continuing at loud rates. At the end of the room, a large door opened. A blue cape was flowing to the room, and even more dark isz began to flood the room.

“Remember me, SwatKats?”

“Who the hell?”

“Peek-A-Boo. It’s me. Mr. Gone.”

“What are you doing here you freak?”

“Julie, I thought we were beyond that.”

“Never.”

“I’m killing three of you, and soon it will be just me and Julie.”

“What? Whatcha got against us?”

“What do I have against you? YOU INFERNAL SWATKATS, YOU GOT ME KILLED!!! I WAS WEAK AS THE PASTMASTER, BUT NOW I”M STRONG. I”M MR. GONE!!!!!”

“Huh? What’s Wrong?”

“When the daleks killed the pastmaster, he must have inhabited a new body.”

“AND THIS ONE”S BETTER THAN EVER! I should know because I’ve had my head cut off of this one a few times.”

“I was glad to cut your head off, and I’d do it again in a minute.”

“I DON”T THINK SO!!! NOW SURRENDER HOPPING BOYS, OR JULIE GETS IT!”

“NO way. We’re taking you down. Buzz Blades-Deployed!”

Gone ducked the blades, but Julie caught one in her hand, without anyone noticing, luckily for her. The SwatKats charged at Gone, leaping at him.

“You’re finished Pastmaster.”

“The name is like you-GONE!”

The SwatKats flashed back into their own dimension. Julie was pissed.

“Gone, Go screw yourself!!! I’m leaving, and I’m taking you down first!!!”

And with that, Julie shoved Razor’s blade into Mr. Gone’s neck, beheading and killing him yet again. Julie and The Maxx flashed home. Mr. Gone would be back. They knew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Fifteen-Mr. Gone’s Epilogue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is not the end. This marks my new life, a beginning. I shall not let this rest. I SHALL RETURN!!!

“Mixed Species”

SwatKats Created by The Tremblay Brothers

The Maxx Created by Sam Kieth

Story By: P. I. Hackle

Date Finished: January 15, 1997

Read my other stories:

Planet of the Cheetah People

Barry Gordon Gets Laryngitis

NEXT: The SwatKats Horror Picture Show

Vote for what’s going to be after that:

Mortal SwatKats

SwatKats: The Gathering

Send Comments, Complaints, and where you sent my money to:

pihackle@hotmail.com

(c) 1997 P. I. Hackle, All Rights Reserved

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