Original SWAT Kats Story

SWAT Kats: The Gathering

By Nick Ball, Jade F. Callan & Professor Isaac Hackle

  • 7 Chapters
  • 25,684 Words

These are all “Magic : The Gathering” crossovers

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Author's Notes:

Note to all: I’ve decided to take a new non de plumbe, I’ve changed since writing Planet, so I’m doing the new person, new name thing, but my email, and everything else is mostly the same.

SwatKats: The Gathering #5: Tundra by Ace

Wow. I bet some of you (including myself) thought I’d NEVER get this one done, but I finally did some work on this. This part, as well as the next two that I’m doing will be MUCH shorter, because I want to get past this serial, and on to new stuff. If you read comics from the X-Men family from before the death of Professor X but after the 30th anniversary, or if you read the Image’s Wildstorm lineup, the Maxx, or Spawn, email me, because I’m going to be starting serials based off the Image and X-Men lines during the summer, and would like a better turnout for authors than for this one, although everyone I’ve worked with for this one has been wonderful, and has put up with all of my garbage and details, etc., and I would hope to see them back for the next ones. Anyways, back to this one: I’m doing this part, as well as parts 6 and 7, and I hope the person I asked to do 8 still will. The first part was written before part 3, so there’ll be some discontinuity. This story does NOT take place immediately after part 4. Technically, I should have written a 4 ½, but I’m too lazy, so here’s what you need to know:

-Mark and Sidney (white and black) had a major battle between them, and they’re both low on the life scale

-The SK’s now have every magic set through fallen empires.

-Chance used up his last wish or so from the end of part 4

-For some reason, Jake and Chance are fighting a LOT now.

-The Pastmaster (green) has taken a bit of damage here and there.

-MegaKat city has been VERY quiet lately, and no one needs the SK’s, and they won’t for a while, as I want to focus on the magic bit and get it the hell done, and so if no one needs them, I can do all the internal stuff.

-Jake and Abi have made most of the wedding plans, and her parents don’t like them, and are still trying to take over and do all of it to the most extreme religious point (in case you couldn’t tell, I HATE religion, and like some interesting atheist stuff (if you have a store called Red Square where you are, some of their stuff is part of it)

The music for this one has been none, TV theme songs, Green Day’s Kerplunk album, “Weird Al” Yankovic, and the R E N T soundtrack.

Thanks to: Jade F. Callan, Nick Ball, Anne Packrat for doing parts, DJ for putting up with my calls and my crap, everyone I’ve met on IRC, Hilary Mader (I think I spelled that right) for letting me kill cigar in my story “Ace of Kats”, and everyone who influenced me.

Oh yeah – PG-13 for language.

Finally, we can start.

Chapter 5

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Chapter One – Weatherscope <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The world of Dominia was changing. The lands shifted, and the atmosphere changed. The recently used lands were in a temperature shift. Snow fell, temperatures dropped, winds picked up, and the light went out. The world was in a sheet of white. Dominia’s Ice Age had begun.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Chapter Two – Yard Scope <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

In the salvage yard, things weren’t getting done. Two weeks worth of backlog was sitting in the garage, but neither kat there would do it. Jake would spend all his time at the computer, and Chance would spend all day avoiding Jake. Their friendship was dissolving, and one of them would have to go.

Eventually, Jake decided to at least get some of the cars done, but if Chance was down there, then nothing would get done. He tiptoed down to by where the cars were. He saw Chance there, and snuck off. The computer beeped, and Jake saw a set of cards in the area near MegaKat Springs, but it quickly disappeared, and reappeared on Neptune. Jake wondered how the cards got to a planet made of methane Ice, but didn’t care. He set the teleporter to the cards’ location, and went off.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Chapter Three – Slush Slush <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

On Neptune, Jake had about three minutes to find the cards and live, because that’s the amount of Oxygen he had, and besides his one can of Nitro-9, he had no tools for survival on him. Jake bounced around in the lower gravity, and saw the backing of the cards, and noticed that the colors looked as if someone had put ice into the color scheme. He grabbed them and popped home.

As Jake arrived, Chance was waiting for him.

“Where have YOU been?”

“I was off getting US a new set of cards. Here!” Jake replied, and threw Chance’s portion of the set at him.

“I don’t need your help. I can get cards by myself.”

“I was trying to be nice. You could have at least said ‘Thank You’.”

Chance turned around and got an impish grin. Jake was going through his portion of the new cards, and starting adding new cards to the pile of ones he usually used. Chance turned around and said to Jake

“Sidney was right. We are enemies.” {this is relating to the trial scene from part 1}


Chance threw a card into the sky, and it came down as a massive fireball. Jake saw this item of direct and deadly damage coming for him, and pulled out one of his new spells. The card was named Deflection. Holding it above his head, the fireball redirected itself at Chance. The fireball did 19 points of damage, leaving Chance with one magical recovery point left. Jake felt it appropriate to read the flavor text of the card to Chance:

“Up and Down Over and through Back off me The Joke’s on you.

I’m going to Abi’s. Goodbye.”

Chance was on the floor, malice in his eyes.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Chapter Four – Mark’s Bark <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mark had heard through the grapevine what had happened with Jake and Chance. He knew Chance was vulnerable, and sure, he was weak from his battle with Sidney, but he had enough creatures in his army that he could destroy Chance. He was off.

In the yard, Chance had grabbed his new cards, and was willing to go after Jake, when Mark appeared. Surrounded by Serra Angels, Seraphs, and Wolves, Chance could tell that Mark was there to kill him. As Mark beckoned for his minions to attack, Chance found one of his new spells that would come in extremely handy: Anarchy {destroy all white permanents (in other words, all white creatures and enchantments go bye-bye)}. Chance activated the card, and all of Mark’s creatures were destroyed. Chance then pulled out another card, and cast it at Mark: Lightning Storm {I made this one up. What it does is it lets you play all your direct damage cards at once, for no casting cost, and they all do 3 damage. And you get to shuffle the ones beside lightning storm back into your deck}. Mark was bolted and meteored to death. Chance had made a kill. As he walked up to Mark’s corpse, a force field appeared around it. Chance put his hands through the eerie light. He touched Mark’s dead husk, and it disappeared. Chance was surrounded by a white light, which invaded his body, and Marks powers were his.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Chapter Five – Parental Downfall <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jake had just finished moving his things into Abi’s apartment. The backbreaking work of lugging computers and other various technological things up to her third story flat was excruciatingly painful, and he had just plopped down on Abi’s overstuffed couch when the phone rang.


The voice on the phone began a monotone message: “Have you ever been turned down for a credit card or loan? If so, then this program is for you. This free and legal oppurtunity is being provided by for the moogulah of media himself, tED tURNER.”

Jake set the receiver down on its base, and tried to lie down for a short kat-nap, when the device began to ring again.


“Jake? Is that you?”


“Can you put my daughter on the phone?”

I’m sorry, Mrs. Sinian, but Abi’s still at work.”

“Oh. Then what are you doing in her apartment?”

“I had a bit of a fight with Chance, and the easiest way to end it was to move out for a while.”

“Does she know?”

“Yeah, I called her before I came.”

“Thank you, Jacob. Do you know when she’ll be getting home tonight?”

“I have no idea.”

“Have a nice day, Jake.”

“You too, Mrs. Sinian. Goodbye.”


Jake got to take his kat-nap, and went to sleep for a couple hours. When he woke up that time, it was because someone was rubbing her paw against his face.


“Yes, Jake?”

“Keep doing that, it feels great.”

“Very funny. My mother called?”


“Was it anything important?”

“She wanted to talk to you.”

“I kind of figured that out when I saw her number on the caller ID. What did she have to say?”

“Nothing, really. Just that she wanted to talk to you and why was I here.”

“That means she wants to replan part of the wedding! ARGH! Right now, she wants it at an ultra-orthodox shul, with all the traditional customs, 500 guests, seperation by gender, and all that detailed we’ve-been-doing-it-for-centuries-and-it’s-the-most-religious-way-to- do-it-so-you-will-too crap, and she wants me to wear the UGLIES dress that I’ve EVER seen!”

“Wonderful. Did you tell her that we’ve already planned out everything?”

“You’re talking about my mother. Of course I told her, but It isn’t making any difference. She won’t listen. Her idea for everything is the exact opposite of ours. Name something, and I’ll give you her opinion of it.”


“Just anything.”

“All right, the meal at the reception. We planned for vegetable paella, cayenne au grautin potatoes, exotic fruit plates, and marble mousse cake.”

“She wants prarie hens, kasha, tsimmos, green beens, brisket, matzoh ball soup, and kichel. And she wants ME to make it all.”

“Yuck. She DOES know that we’re both vegetarians, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, but like that would stop her?”

“Good point. Maybe we should let her make her plans, and then cancel hers at the last minute, and kidnap your parents to go on with ours.”

“I wish. It really IS easier for you – your dad doesn’t really care, as long as I’m jewish, which I am, so it doesn’t really matter for your half. My parents are OBSESSED! Bible-Banging to the extreme. They base their lives based on what some dead sheep’s mutilated husk has written on it.”

“Maybe we could sedate them for a couple months.”

“I wish. So what DID happen with you an Chance, anyways?”

A short while later, Abi was well informed, and then went to bed. Jake went to the kitchen to make himself some cocoa. Someone appeared in a slimy way behind him.



“It’s me, Sidney.”

Jake immediately got defensive. “What do YOU want?”

“I wish to offer my condolences on what happened between you and your friend.”

“That’s amazing. You were the first one to predict that it wouldn’t work.”

“You are correct. Still, it is a pity.”

“What’s done is done.”

“That’s right, but your ex-friend has slain one of our own.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mark is dead, by Chance’s own hand.”

“Oh, smeg. It’s the ides of March today, isn’t it?”

“No, and oh smeg would sum it up. The red and the white are now in one.”


“Yeah. Also, Chance not only inherited Mark’s powers, but also Mark’s mental state, including his hatred for you. Add that to the hate that Chance already had for you hurting him so dearly, that you are in great danger.”

“Another shit.”

“Yeah. Just watch your back.”

Sidney turned around, and in a flash of black, psychadellic light, disappeared.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Chapter Six – Fight <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


“Yes, honey?”

“Your mom called again.”

“Why this time?”

“She wants to see us.”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

The phone rang. Jake answered.

{for this part, assume this is like CD 1, Track #3 on the R E N T soundtrack, where Benny calls.}


“Hi Jake. Guess who!”

“Chance! *SHIT*”

“Guess what – I’m on my way.”

“Great! *FUCK*”

“Honey? What’s going on?”

“Chance is on his way HERE. We’ve got to the hell out of here NOW!!!”

“Too late,” said Chance, breaking down Abi’s apartment door.

“Abi – get back!”

“Don’t worry about her Jake – It’s you I want.”

“It isn’t you thinking that, Chance.”

“Oh but it is. I’ve gotten better. For instance, you’re now in my circle of protection. There’s no getting out of it for you, and you can’t damage me in here.”

“Really?” Jake pulled out a card, and a white light came out of it: Sleight of mind {alter one color word on a card. In this example, it’s changing Chance’s circle of protection : blue into one that’s a circle of protection : green}. “Get out. Get out, and don’t ever come back. Because if you do, I’ll kick your ass so far, that you won’t have a chance to come near the same galaxy. Understand? Got it? Get with the fucking program, Chance. You’re not going to ever threaten me, my fiancee, or anyone else again.”

“Fine. But be careful, because one day, I will be back. We’ll see who’s better then.”

“Can we go tackle your parents now?”

“Yes. But if they’re actually wanting us to come there, then your little skirmish with chance was like a disney movie.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Ending notes <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

That’s part 5! Six and Seven should be out pretty soon, then “Barry Gordon gets a Vocal Cyst,” the sequel to the ever-popular “Barry Gordon Gets Laryngitis,” then “Kat Dwarf,” a SK/Red Dwarf Spoof. As stated above, I’m looking for authors for my future comic book crossovers. Send all comments to:


This story was posted on the SK fanfic archive which is run by DJ, email her at djclawson@garden.net.

The archive address is:


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