SWAT Kats: The Gathering

SwatKats: The Gathering
Part One: A strange and mystical place
by: P.I.Hackle

In the land of Dominia, a great war happened many centuries ago
between two brothers, ravaging the lands, and killing them both,
sending their magic to five wizards to carry. Now, someone has
decided to start a new war for control of the lands, and two of the
new wizards are named Jake Clawson, and Chance Furlong. Little are
they aware of what’s ahead, as kats change, things are learned, and
old friends become bitter enemies. This is the first of many parts
in a series, starting here, and ending up who knows where. This
story series, with luck, will be written by various people, in
various forms. Now, for the stuff you really need to know…

 

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Chapter One-A Date
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Jake and Abi were in wonderful moods. They had just booked the
church for their wedding, and decided to make their weekly trip to
the Manxerly theater to see the Schlokat Horror Picture Show. They
approached the floor show scene.

Katlumbia: It was great when it all began
I was a regular Frank-Kat Fan
But it was done with when he had the plan
To start working on a Muscle Kat
Callback: You call that a kat?
Katlumbia: Now the only thing that gives me hope
Callback: IS GETTING HIGH!!!
Katlumbia: Is my love for a certain dope
Callback: SAME THING!!!!
Katlumbia: Rose tint my world, keeps me safe from my troubles
and pains.

{This is the little bit of “SwatKats Horror Picture Show” that I
kept. These will be showing up in bits and pieces of the story,
because this doesn’t seem to work as a whole story. Just so you
know.}

The movie ended, and they left the movie, covered with rice and
toilet paper as always, going separate ways before seeing each other
in the morning. The evening was good, and Jake felt a rectangular
buldge in his jacket pocket but thought nothing of it.

{No, it’s not what you think it is. Jake is NOT what you’re
thinking}

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Chapter Two-Just where exactly is Dominia?
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The night was young. A bright Saturday Night in MegaKat City. A
pathway appeared in front of the garage/Salvage yard. A portal
opened. Feeling a breeze, Jake and Chance grabbed their jackets to
head towards the gateway.

They ended up in a plush-ish surrounding. They awoke on a
volcanic island, and saw around them mountains, forests, islands,
plains, and in a far corner, in an area of dismal weather, swamps.

A man came up to them.

{Yes, a man. Not a kat, there are really humans in this story}

He was unarmed, and approached Jake and Chance Carefully. He saw
that they were entirely confused, which suited his purposes quite
nicely. He made the decision to talk to them.

“Hello. My name is Mark, and I control the magic of white. I
own all of the plains here.”

“Hi…I’m Jake, this is Chance, and can you tell me what the hell
it is we’re doing here?”

“You have been summoned to the land of Dominia.”

“Do-What-Ya?”

“Dominia. You are both mages.”

“Mages?”

“Yes. Descendents of Urza, the good, and Mishra, the evil.”

“Huh?”

“Let me explain. Many centuries ago, the brothers Urza and
Mishra got in a war for control of the entire Dominian world, a war
that killed them both. Before they died, though, they left their
magic to five families to carry, and eventually lose. All their
magical spells were contained in cards, which were sent all over the
worlds. Whenever a mage finds a collection of cards, the one who
finds it gets the entire set. All the other mages get sets with
their color of magic only. Some colors are historically allies, some
are historically enemies. When a mage receives 20 points of damage,
his powers go to the mage that dealt him the final point of damage,
and the mage that received the damage loses all knowledge of magic
whatsoever, and passes the abilities to the next generation, as
carriers only. All of us currently have no points of damage, as were
in a time of total peace.”

“All of us?”

“There are five wizards: Me, the white wizard, you, Jake, the
blue wizard, Sauraman, the green wizard, you, Chance, the red wizard,
and Sidney, the black wizard.”

“So that’s what was in my jacket pocket…cards.”

“Yes.”

“One more question-why are we here at all if this is a time of
peace.”

“We’re not sure. Someone must want this land, but is too lazy to
do it themselves, so they’re making us do the dirty work of gaining
control and wiping all the other wizards out so they can go straight
through.”

“I don’t buy it.”

“That does not surprise me Chance. Watch.”

Mark took a card and pointed it towards the sky. A white light
flashed upward through it, and a knight appeared on a horse, which
soon took off.

“Cool. I buy it now.”

“Good. Now farewell, and BE CAREFUL!”

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Chapter Three-Enter the Mages
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Jake and Chance were laying back, and enjoying themselves going
through the cards they had. A full set of their colors was too much
to carry around, so they decided to limit themselves to 60 or so, and
Chance was having fun reading flavor texts.

“Hey Jake-Listen to this one: Goblin Balloon Brigade. ‘From
here we can drop rocks and arrows and more rocks!’ ‘Uh, yeah boss,
but how do we get down.'”

“Ha ha. Yeah. Those wacky goblins.”

“Something bothering you, pal?”

“I don’t know. It just seems like whenever I start doing
something with my life, something major happens or goes wrong! I
regenerate, I explode, I get thrown across dimensions and space!”

{Note on the above incidents: The regeneration and explosion happen
in my story “Planet of the cheetah people”, and the throwing happens
in “mixed species”. Thank you.}

“So? That’s part of being a SWATKat.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I think I’m going to bury these cards in
the bottom of my dresser drawer, and never look at them again. Then,
I’m going to sleep.

“You sleep too much.”

“Hey-You try doing all those nights on the TurboKat without
getting any extra rest, and see how you work in the morning.”

“Yeah. Just don’t wake me up.”

“G’night.”

That night, Jake dreamed that he was watching Nuku Nuku, and
Duncan McLoed and his watcher were in a bar and beating the crap out
of the green power ranger, when DJ Clawson busted in and said
“HEY—THAT”S MY STORY!!!”, and drug the three of them off, waking
Jake up in a dark and murky swamp.

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Chapter Four-Sidney
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Although it was dark and smelly, Jake actually wasn’t really
fazed by the swamps, and didn’t even mind them too much. Jake always
had a passion for nature, and as he got up to walk, the ground
underneath him collapsed, and he had to resort to swimming, which was
OK. If it was Chance who’d been here, he’d be dead by now.

A few hours of wading later, the water turned into mud.
Fortunately, there was dry land with which to stand on, so Jake kept
going up to dry land, and he encountered a deformed person, with ooze
and skin bits all charred and falling off and stuff.

“Greetings Blue Wizard.” He oozed.

“Huh? What?” Jake said between pants.

“You are the blue wizards. The wizard of the Islands. I am
Sidney, wizard of the swamps, and all that is dark.”

“Uh…OK…How do I leave?”

“You leave by which the way you came.”

“YOU MEAN I HAVE TO SWIM THROUGH ALL THAT CRAP JUST TO GET HOME?”

“Of course not. You have to go through more.”

“Spore. You’re really just tED tURNER or something aren’t you,
like the guy who turned DJ Clawson’s novel down at aCE pUBLISHING,
aren’t you.”

“Yes, I am a spore. No matter, my ally, we shall soon be in
control…”

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Chapter Five-Callie’s Secret
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Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Who needs a tow?”

“Hi Chance? It’s me.”

“What now, Miss Briggs?”

“The muffler and a whole bunch of other parts and stuff fell off
of my car.”

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Right. See you thAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

Callie was grabbed by an electronic net, and with the phone still
in her hand, she pushed the button to call the SWATKats.

The alarm went off, and Callie heard it over the phone. Chance,
meanwhile, was extremely nervous. He could still hear Callie and an
echo of the alarm. Where the hell was Jake to answer the alarm?
Still the city needed him, so he hit the button on the speaker.

“Yes Miss Briggs.”

Callie was puzzled for a moment, then it struck here: T-bone
sounded exactly like Chance. She knew who the SWATKats were! She
decided to go along with them until after she was saved.

“T-Bone: I’m in some kind of electronic net, and I’m being
dragged through City HAAAAAHHHH!!!!!”

The Comm-Link went dead.

Chance punched the button which gave him access to the hangar,
and also played a Queen CD at the same time. He always loved the way
Brian May jammed on the guitar. All of a sudden, Jake materialized,
and landed right on Chance. He was covered in caked on mud.

“Hey Bud-What happened?”

“I’ll tell you later. What’s going on?”

“Callie’s in trouble!”

“Right. Ultra-sonic field Deployed!”

All of a sudden, a solid blue field crashed into Jake, forcing
all the mud and stuff off of him. He quickly got into his flight
suit, and off they were.

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Chapter Six-A little bit of Techno-Magic
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“Well Miss Briggs, I hope you’re…Comfortable.”

“Never, Hard Drive.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way…Huh?”

The SWATKats busted in.

“SWATKats! I’ve been expecting you!”

Hard Drive fired his energy ropes at the SWATKats, which hit and
interacted with their glovatrices, draining all their power, and
forcing the SWATKats to their knees from electrocution.

“I’ve got you now!”

Jake was pissed off that Hard Drive was able to get him without
gadgets again, and was ready to die when Chance had something in his
pocket. A card. As Hard Drive pulling them in his pocket. A card.
As Hard Drive was pulling them in, Chance got one hand through and
mummered “Hurr Jackal”, and passed out. A red light flashed through
the card, and bursting through the door, a big dog promptly attacked
Hard Drive, who was tackled, and provided enough time for the
SWATKats to escape from the net. Hard Drive zapped himself into the
power lines and escaped. The dog ran back to Chance, and jumped into
the card.

“Cool.”

“Thanks guys. And while you’re here, why not take my car back
with you, and save yourselves a trip.”

“What do you mean, Miss Briggs?”

“I heard T-Bone’s voice in the phone, as well as the
communicator. That’s how I knew.”

“You aren’t going to…”

“No. Of course not. As long as my car works when I get it
back.”

“Great. Just great. We’ll pick up your car later. We don’t
mind the extra time for peace of mind. I doubt you’ll be going very
far.”

“No. And thanks again, guys.”

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Chapter Seven-A rest
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A few days passed. The hours came and went. The SWATKats fixed
Callie’s car, and Callie neve rtold who they were. It was Friday
night again, and as usual, Jake and Abi went to Schlockkat Horror,
and would sing:

Janket: In the velvet blackness
Of the darkest night.
Callback: How’s Dinner?
Burning Bright.
There’s a guiding Light.
In your life, in your life.
Janket and Kad: There’s a light
over at the frank-kat-stein place.
There’s a light.
Burning in the fireplace.
There’s a light. A BUD LIGHT
In the darkness of everybody’s night.
Kad: I can see the flag blow.
I can feel the rain.
WONDER WHY!
Still the same.
There has got to be
Something better here
for you and me. You and me.
Janket and Kad: There’s a light.
Over at the Frank-Kat-Stein Place.
There’s a light
Burning in the fireplace.
There’s a light. A light.
In the darkness of everybody’s night.

Jake loved this song because it always gave him a warm feeling.
Either the song, or everybody lighting their zippos.

After the movie, Jake and Abi stayed for the “Throw stuff at tED
tURNER and the morons at aCE bOOKS.” Contest. They hit the people
with enough crap that they would reek for the rest of their pitiful
lives.

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Chapter Eight-The Green Menace
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Chance was watching Scardey Kat when the phone rang. He was
getting annoyed, so he unplugged it to signal that they were closed.
Something that was odd was that the phone kept ringing on and on.

“Hello? Huh?!?!?!?!?”

Chance was pulled through the phone line and found himself in a
pretty little forest. He hated pretty little forests, as he was
always stuck in pretty little forests at the same time that Scardey
Kat was on. He punched down a tree. Revealed in back was a red
skeleton in a blackish-purplish cloak.

“YOU!?!?!?! SWATKat!!! You’re the red wizard!”

“Pastmaster. I should have known you were Sauraman…I know
about the children of the stone incident.”

“We’re allies typically.”

“Never.”

“Fine. Ley Druid!!!”

The Pastmaster held out a card, it glowed green, and little pixie
things flew out and attacked Chance.”

“Huh?”

The pixies charged, and Chance quickly grabbed his card for Mon’s
Goblin Raiders, and sicked them on the pixies. They both died,
clearing the field.

“I shall hope that we will not need to do that again.”

“What do you want with me?”

“Simple. We are traditionally allying wizards. Red and green
magic is wonderfully deviant together…”

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Chapter Nine-When Worlds Collide
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The days were long and getting shorter, and the nights were the
opposite way. Time was passing, and as the SWATKats realized the
benefits of magical abilities, both as SWATKats and mechanics, they
had much more fulfilling times. They really had fun when tED tURNER
and the entire staff of aCE bOOKS visited, and Jake got them all with
75 prodigal sorcerers, and made them suffer before Chance blew them
all away with a giant fireball. Unfortunately, they would be back.
Evil as ugly as theirs always came back. However, that’s another
story for another time. During the winter months, Jake and Chance
found out how close their magical abilities really were to each
other’s. As mages, they grew close to having one power, split
between two kats.

One day, a pack of Tundra Wolves, three to be specific {A tundra
wolf is a 1/1 creature} , attacked Chance. They cornered him in
before he could do anything, forcing Jake to summon a giant

“LEVIATHAN!!!”

The card glowed, and fired into the sky, when whirling down came
a horrid wind beast {that’s 10/10 and can trample}. After killing
the wolves, the giant mass went straight for the plains of Dominia,
dealing seven points of damage to Mark, leaving him with only 13
left. Chance was grateful to Jake, and as for Mark he had only one
thing to say:

“This means war.”

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Chapter Ten-A visitor, or three
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After the wolf incident, nothing much happened for a while. The
routine was normal. Wake up, fix cars, save the city, fix cars,
watch TV, go to bed. This normalcy went on for a month or so, until
one day, when Mark, Sauraman, and Sidney all showed up. It was time
for a council of mages.

Everyone sat around the small kitchen table Jake and Chance had.
It was very cramped, but it got the job done.

“I shall begin this meeting,” said Mark, “we are here today in
order to discuss our powers. Powers that someone has abused and used
in order to strike out against one of us in an unprovoked way. One
of us who is right here today!”

This was clearly going to be an attack on Jake, so Chance and
Jake excused themselves to another room. The other three didn’t like
that idea so much, however, being that they were in Jake and Chance’s
home, they had to go by the house rules.

“He’s pissed because you killed those wolves with the leviathan,
and it trampled through to him. I’d like to teach him about what the
SWATKats do for each other…”

“Easy, Chance. We’ll have to play along for a bit, and when the
time is right, we’ll kick it up a notch.”

“BAM!”

The two walked back in, and were ready to listen. Mark went on
to continue chewing Jake out, claiming that brotherhood was
necessary, and that if we started fighting now, the whole world will
disappear. Everybody but Chance and himself seemed to be against
Jake. As Jake took his position to speak, Mark pulled off to his
side and whispered in his ear:

“Don’t ever even THINK about attacking me again, or I’ll kill you
faster than you can say help. And I won’t kill you magic alone,
either. You’ll never live again.”

This pissed Jake off, so he made sure to say this so everyone
could hear him.

“Y’Know Mark, when you put it like that, all I can really say is
BITE ME JACKASS!!!”

Mark had a glint of anger, but he did not do anything.

Jake began his speech:

“My fellow wizards, forget everything that the whit wizard told
you, for he is not nearly as pure as his color would say. I did NOT
attack him as he says. He sent a pack of wolves after my friend, in
an attempt to kill him.

Mark Responded:

“It was a test! There were only three of them anyways. He’d
only be at seventeen. Now, thanks to you, I’m nearly at half life.”

“BE QUIET, STACKYARD!!! In an attempt to save my friend, I made
sure that whoever went after him would pay.”

“But he is your enemy.” Oozed Sidney.

“No, he’s not. You don’t live with your enemies. You don’t
stand up for them. You don’t have long lasting friendships with
them! I have done no wrong!”

“Yes you have. We were at a time of peace. You could have
killed me!” debated Mark.

“THEN WHY DID YOU ATTACK CHANCE?!?!?! I Swear, In all my life, I
have battled against evil, against power mad conspirators. I should
have known. My newest “friend” and he sends dogs to attack my
companions. He’s decadent, degenerate, and rotten to the core.
Power mad conspirators: tED tURNER, Hard Drive, Dark Kat, they’re
just malicious. It’s YOUR GREED THAT MAKES YOU REALLY CORRUPT!!!”

“These outbursts are not relevent!” interjected Sauraman.

“NOT RELEVENT!!! I THINK YOUR LAST COMMENT WAS NOT RELEVENT!”

“This has gone far enough!” Sauraman said as he summoned a giant
hurricane {Green direct damage spell} , and sent it straight for
Jake, who overloaded it {a card I made up. Target X spell (which
hurricane is) deals its effect to controller of X spell, instead of
its target.} right back, dealing Sauraman 16 points of damage,
leaving him dwidling at four. The three guests left with only a not
behind: This is not over yet.

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Chapter Eleven-The irrelevent one: Abi Reflects
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Man oh man, what got me into this? I must be crazy to be putting
up with Jake doing who-knows-what with his life, and I don’t know if
I could really handle trying to leave again {See planet of the
cheetah people}. I’m in a love-hate relationship with my living
space, my lover, and my life. And now, Jake’s gone back to have
something happen constantly. For a while, it was really peaceful,
and not much was happening. I guess I should be happy that he hasn’t
tried to shoot himself again {for this too, see planet of the cheetah
people}, and he hasn’t regenerated. That other form of his was
UGLY!!! But then, I guess it was kind of cute in a madman styled
British sort of way. Oh man, my life is SO messed up.

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Chapter Twelve-A preview
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In a distant building, two sets of cards sit. In the same
building, two groups are having a war. Their story is long and
forgotten. Much like ANTIQUITIES, with the ARABIAN NIGHTS…

---

Stay Tuned for:

SWATKangs: The Gathering

SWATKats: The Gathering, part two

Hey! Tell me what you think of this story! Email comments,
suggestions, etc. to:

pihackle@hotmail.com

my editor, as usual, is djclawson, email at:

djclawson@garden.net

SwatKats created by the tremblay brothers, sold to hannah-barbarrah,
and unfortunately now owned by tED tURNER.

Magic: The Gathering created by Richard Garfield, copyright to
Wizards of the Coast.

The next part of this story will with luck be done in less than 3 or
so weeks.

Remember…tED and aCE bOOKS are NOT our friends.

Hackle

this story (c)1997 P. I. Hackle, all rights reserved.

Next Chapter