Original SWAT Kats Story

FAQ Kat II (and other assorted madness)

By Nick Ball

  • 1 Chapter
  • 6,015 Words

Including an “Astroboy” Crossover, and lyrics to the SWAT Kats theme song.

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Author's Notes:

“FAQ Kats II: The Sequel To The Prequel” by Nicholas “Pseudonym” Ball

Surf’s up, dude! (always wanted to start an introduction like that..) Welcome to the tragedy that is “FAQ Kats II”! This is pretty much more of the same…but with real questions. Wow! Who would have thought popularity could be so easily attained by only selling out to all of the values you lived your life by and respected in yourself? Not me, matey, and that’s for sure. Enough madness, here’s the tripe that you so eagerly cried for-

Dedicated to the Callan-ster, the DJ-ster, the Hackle-ster, the Strike-ster and the toa-ster.

Opening scene. We see that we are in the SWAT Kats’ hangar. There is a couch in the center, as before. Both SWAT Kats, in full uniform, are sitting on it.

Razor: Oh, hello there, and welcome to “FAQ Kats II”! This time around we hope to answer more of your Frequently Asked Questions, but we’ll probably end up talking about nothing in particular instead, again.

T-Bone: Our first letter is from a Justin Bennett of Australia. He writes – “Dear SWAT Kats, I’ve noticed that there is some really cool guitar music playing in the background whilst you guys are jumping around and flying the TurboKat. Do you guys play this music yourselves (it would be really cool if you did)?”

Razor: Well, Justin, we don’t play the guitar music you hear while we’re jumping around and flying the TurboKat, because we’re too busy jumping around and flying the TurboKat. However, we have to agree that it would be cool if we did, and as a treat for all you SK fans out there…

They somersault, backwards, off the sofa and land on a small stage. It has the SK logo as a backdrop & 2 electric guitars on stands. They grab a guitar each.

T-Bone: Let’s jam!

Razor: Funky!

We see them play the opening theme on the guitars, occasionally cutting to show an action clip or different close-up. They wind it up, replace the guitars, and hop off the stage. Cut to see them sitting down again.

(Admit it, it WOULD be cool)

Razor: *That* was spontaneous!

T-Bone: Sure was! And whilst we’re being spontaneous, why don’t we do another “Where-are-my-eyes” gag?

Razor: Why not indeed? Help me, T-Bone! I can’t see! I have no pupils! I have no pupils! (he clutches his head)

T-Bone: Here. (He takes a black marker out and ‘dots’ the whites of his eyes)

Razor: Oooh, nifty! But enough silliness for now, we should be getting onto the FAQ’s, after all, that was the reason Nick wrote this in the first place, wasn’t it? (takes helmet off, revealing normal head) T-Bone: (does same) I thought it had something to do with pacifying the sadistic urges of hatred towards all of – Mmph!

As if you didn’t know, Razor has just shoved a letter into T-Bone’s mouth to shut him up.

Razor: Ix-nay on the alevolence-may. The less they know, the easier it is for HIM.

T-Bone: (removing letter from mouth & reading it) Sorry. And they said ‘Ignorance is bliss’…This letter is from Daniel Farl: “Why are everyone in the show cats? And don’t say it’s just part of the show”.

Razor: Well, Danny, we’ve got a surprise for you.

He reaches up above his forehead and grabs a ‘zip’. T-Bone does the same. They unzip themselves down the front, revealing that they were in fact wearing ‘SWAT Kat suits’. It is also revealed that on the inside, they look exactly the same.

T-Bone: We’re the same!

Razor: (feels head) And no zip this time. Well, we’ll have to answer this one properly. It’s just part of the show. Sorry, Danny. There are other theories, too, such as a parallel universe, or that we live on a similar planet in some undiscovered corner of your universe. Maybe we ARE on Earth, but in the future (that would explain the lasers) where all human life has evolved further to become ‘Kats’. The possibilites are endless. Anyway, this next letter is from ‘Strike’ – “Dear SWAT Kats, how does Ann Gora’s earrings stay on, and Callie Briggs’ glasses stay up despite the fact that neither are attached to their ears?” Well, why don’t we go ask them ourselves? You see, we took the liberty of kidnapping all of the main cast, as well as several Extra’s, before we started this, and they are now all of our prisoners. (pauses) Oh, come on, as if you people out there haven’t ever done anything bad! Helmet’s on, T-Bone, lest they discover our secret identities…

T-Bone: Sure thing buddy, and I never thought I would have lived long enough to hear you say “Lest they discover our secret identities” and really mean it.

Razor: Rrrright…

They put their helmets on and walk over to the green lockers at the back of the room. T-Bone opens one, and Commander Feral almost falls out. T-Bone catches him.

Feral: It’s about time too! My claustrophobia was getting to me, you hot- shot vigilantes! And it was getting hard to breathe in-

T-Bone pushes him back into the locker and closes the door.

T-Bone: Wrong number. Let’s see what’s behind door number two!

He opens the door and Ann Gora partially falls out. T-Bone catched her and moves her so he can closely examine her ears.

T-Bone: Hmm. I say dispersion forces, not unlike those which keep the two ‘O’ and one ‘C’ molecules together and make the gas ‘CO2’ – commonly referred to as ‘carbon dioxide’.

He puts her back in the locker and shuts the door.

Razor: She didn’t seem too miffed about being in the locker.

T-Bone: I told her it was ‘an exclusive’.

Razor: Oh.

Razor now walks to a locker and opens it. He gets it right, first go, and Miss Briggs falls out. He catches her. Did I mention that each character has been tied up, but not gagged? That’s why they have to be caught – no voluntary movement possible on their part. And stuff. Back to the chase-

Razor: Hmm.

He scrutinizes her ears, as so many of us have done in the past – Confess, people!

Razor: This one’s easy. You see, although the arms of her glasses do not rest on her ears, they proceed through her hair, which as we know, is a substance tougher than diamond. Miss Briggs’ hair has been named as Periodic Element No 165 – Briggsium. Currently the toughest substance on earth, it grows in natural abundance on Miss Briggs’ head here. Unfortunately, although there is so much of it (and I mean ALOT), none of it’s possible uses have been discovered, as no samples of it have been able to be taken. Well – what do you use to cut the strongest substance on earth, hmm? Anyway, her glasses stay on, because they’re pretty much welded to her head. So, that should answer that question.

T-Bone: Don’t put her away yet, Razor! I’ve got another question about her!

Razor: What is it?

T-Bone: (reads) “Why does Miss Briggs always wear the same pink outfit and sound like Dot from Animaniacs?”

Razor: Well?

Callie: To answer the first question, I don’t. I am currently in ownership of 4520 identical pink suits – one of the perks of being Deputy Mayor. At the rate I wear them, I shouldn’t need to go to the laundry until the year 2012. You thought you were so smart, didn’t you? And to answer the second question, I’ll say this – “Smartalek!”.

Razor: Ooh, you’re a spiteful Deputy Mayor. Would you mind if we locked you up again?

Callie: Not at all. Anything than be forced into participating further in this degrading piece of work.

Razor: Very well, then.

Razor puts her back in, and locks the door. He then walks over to next to T-Bone.

Razor: This next letter is…Hnng!

He is trying to pick up a letter that is written on a stone tablet. He gives up and T-Bone picks it up.

T-Bone: “Dear SWAT Kats, which one of you is the strongest?”

He pauses for some time in a ‘You’ve-GOT-to-be-kidding’ pause. Then he snaps the tablet in two and throws it away.

T-Bone: That’s that. This letter here was sent to us on a computer disk. Ain’t information technology keen? Let’s have a lookie!

He walks over to the Batcomputer (yet another thing they ripped off Batman, but literally this time) and inserts the disk into a slot.

T-Bone: It’s all…gobbledy-gook. What is this trash?

Razor: (walks over and hits keys) Oh, it’s encrypted! It says “Dear SWAT Kats, which one of you is the smartest?”

Razor gives a pause similar to T-Bone’s, and then presses the ‘DELETE’ key.

T-Bone: Our dear friend Jade F. Callan asks “Where does the TurboKat get all of it’s fuel?” Well, we have a few methods. All of the petrol stations in town will shout us the occasional fill-up as thanks for saving the city, and occasionally we receive a tanker as part of our salvage-man’s jobs. The most logical thing we could say is that there is a natural abundance of petrol in the land below the hangar, which he harvest for ourselves. Suggestions of solar power and erm, our own ‘natural emissions’ as auxiliary fuel sources are best left ignored (unless you’re a pervert), as is the suggestion that we lick ourselves clean like most cats do. A more abstract possibility is that Razor, the technical genius he is, has invented an engine that runs on hydrogen extracted from ordinary water. G’wan – pick a reason. I myself prefer the “Maybe they steal from the Enforcers supply” as it makes you think – Stealing is wrong, but the fuel’s used for the purposes of good, to do a job that Enforcers couldn’t, and would waste the fuel trying to do, anyway. Moral conflict? And all you wanted to know where we got the juice from…

Razor: Well, if you don’t want answers, don’t ask questions. Here’s a question from the entity known as ‘Strike’ – “How come there are 2 intakes on the TurboKat, but 3 engines?” Well, I’ll try to keep it as simple as I can…

He reaches down and pulls out a complex diagram. He starts to talk, as the picture fades. Blackness. Fade in, with caption “3 Hours Later…”.

Razor: -and that’s how we manage to have 2 intakes, even though we only have 3 engines.

Cut to T-Bone, who is sitting on the sofa. His eyes (all-white) are wide open, but he is making a snoring sound.

Razor: T-Bone? T-Bone??

He walks over to him. He can’t figure out what’s going on. He then looks closer at his ‘eyes’. He peels one off, revealing that they are, in fact, white triangular stickers. His real eyes are closed. He still snores.

Razor: T-Bone! T-Bone! T-BONE!!!!!

T-Bone: Wha? Wha’d I do? Felina, s’at you?

Razor: Wake up!

T-Bone: Oh, Razor. I had a terrible dream. I dreamt I was in a fanfic which revolved around the stupid little idea that we would answer the Frequently Asked-

He realises.

T-Bone: Oh, no!

Razor: Welcome back to ‘reality’. Try reading a letter out. That should help.

T-Bone: Ooookkaayyy. (yawns) “Dear SWAT Kats, why don’t you ever let Feral have it?” It? What’s ‘it’?

Razor: ‘It’ as in, ‘violence’, as in “Why don’t we whack him?”

T-Bone: Hey! We did! The day we were sacked, we got him some good one’s! We took it in turns to hit him, and hold him so the other could hit him, until Steele stopped us with a “Let the Enforcers handle this!”. Then they hit him. It’s become a tradition now, and that’s why Feral doesn’t like us. Didn’t you wonder why his chin always looked so swollen? However, since you missed out on the spectacle, we’ll do a special repeat performance, just for you.

Razor: Well, T-Bone, we’re not really meant to be violent. It’s in our contracts…

T-Bone: Fat lot of good our contracts did us when we received the wrath of tED. But we will not hurt him directly, so all you SK ‘purists’ can sleep calmly in your beds at nights (or wet them, if what I’ve heard about you guys is true…).

The SK jump up, grab a green locker off the backwall and start to roll it around the room, bouncing it off walls and beating the jimmy out of it. They then stand it up, and open it. A very dizzy Dr Viper falls out.

T-Bone: Oops! Ah, we’ll, um,…

He shuts the locker and puts it back.

Razor: See what happens? The innocent (and highly 2-dimensional) get hurt when you people start all of this “What if..” malarkey! Let suppositions remain suppositions, it’s better that way! The hypothetical rapidly becomes the highly-pathetical when you people out there don’t think. Didn’t you ever hear what curiousity did to the Kat? And you made us hurt our ol’ pal Dr Viper. Well, he’s not our pal, but…you know what I mean. Now I have to go and set things straight. Jeez…

He gets up and walks to Dr Viper’s dinted locker. He knocks and opens it.

Razor: Uh, sorry we rolled you around, Dr Viper. We were…well, there’s no explaining our terrible behaviour.

Dr Viper: Oh, that’ssss okay. I’ve felt that way about Feral too, sssometimessss. You’ve got to vent your anger, rather than supresssss it. It’sssss the only healthy thing to do.

Razor closes the door.

Razor: Peculiar. Him, the one who is obsessed with controlling this city through genetically-altered evil creatures, advising us on what the healthy thing to do is. Still, advice is advice.

T-Bone: I wonder if he’s always that rational and forgiving when under vertigo. We’ll have to test that theory later…in the meantime, here’s a letter – “Dear SWAT Kats, why do the Kreeplings bother hanging around Dark Kat all the time?” Well, he’s a big fellow, and he pays the grocery bill.

(Plagiarism? I prefer the term ‘borrowing’…)

Razor: This question is from…well, there’s no name on it. It reads – “What is Professor Hackle’s first name?’ Well, it’s ‘Professor’. Surely you all didn’t think he was a real professor just because he wore a white coat and invented things? Of course, there are alternate explanations, by making his first name Isaac and even, in some cases, my father, but my explanation is the easiest.

T-Bone: Who IS your father, anyway?

Razor: I don’t know anymore. I’ve heard that he was either Hackle, some other worker at Pumadyne, someone who’s moved away due to the Witness Relocation Program, someone who’s in jail for murdering and raping my sister or a man who’s changed his identity for legal reasons. All I know now is that Bob’s your uncle and she’s the Kat’s mother. Whew! Alternate family tree patterns always seem to tire me.

T-Bone: How ’bout an ad break?

Razor: Could we? That would be great. I need a few minutes to get myself (and my family) together…

T-Bone: And we’ll be back, right after these messages.

Commercial Break. Nifty, huh? End commercial break. We come back to the same scene.

Razor: Well, we’re all having second thoughts…oh, we’re back. This next letter is from someone in Chile – “Dear SWAT Kats, have you ever considered using the car-lifting magnet in your junkyard to catch the Metallikats?” Hmm. I know for a fact that it wouldn’t be powerful enough. Obviously. And even if it was, it would attract the larger metal objects more readily i.e. we would have every car and pole from MegaKat City in our yard before we caught them. And that’s assuming that they’re magnetic, as some metals aren’t, and they wouldn’t be anyway, as the magnetic forces they’d naturally generate would erase all data in their bodies, making them useless.

T-Bone: Great question. All we need now is something along the lines of “Why don’t you guys ever kill anyone?” or “How come you Kats spell it with a “K”?” and we’ll have a stupid question of the year contest!

(Hmm. I’m getting ideas myself…)

T-Bone: (searches around on coffee table) Well, we seem to be out of questions. Why don’t we have digs at the various fanfics i.e the contradictions and inanities they all contain?

Razor: That wouldn’t be nice, T-Bone. You’ve got to think of it that each writer has a universe of his own, where a unique version of us exist. In that universe, anything can happen. I can die, become immortal, meet any character plausible, travel between universes, love Abi, Sami, Felicity or Callie (why do the women’s first names all end in an ‘i’ sound?) and sing karaoke. No-one really has a right to impose their own feelings on another’s and ‘invade’ their universe. Some people do prefer to be ‘excepionally silly’ while others revel in being ‘incomprehensible’, writing plots that make absolutely no sense. We all have a right to an opinion (“I reckon this guy’s really twisted” or “I like your stuff”), and to express this opinion, but not to enforce it by altering others to conform to yours. And that’s why there are numerous character revelations, significant plot points and all other types of crazy stuff out there. You see what I mean, T-Bone? T-Bone??

Cut to T-Bone, doing the sticker trick again. He sleeps peacefully.

Razor: Well, that accomplished nothing…

(Or did it? Think, you hapless fools that explore the super-highways without a map or adequate toll fares!)

Razor: Wake up, T-Bone! We’ve got to release the main characters, convince them that we kidnapped them for their own safety, return them to their various homes and then partake in some existentialist angst!

T-Bone: Hmm? What? Yes?

Razor: Wake up!

T-Bone: I’m up!

Razor: Wake up!

T-Bone: I’m awake, what’s wrong?

Razor: You have to wake up! We’re going to crash!

T-Bone: Crash? What’re you talking about?

Razor: WAKE UP!!!!

Cut to reveal that T-Bone is in the TurboKat seat. The jet is flying rather fast, or rather, crashing rather fast. Razor is in the back-seat yelling at him.

Razor: Wake up! Wake up, T-Bone!

T-Bone: Wha? What happened?

Razor: You blacked out! Steer the jet!

T-Bone: I blacked out? (pulls jet out of dive, and starts to steer it)

Razor: Yes, you know, went to sleep. But you were mumbling something. You almost woke up at one stage, but you mumbled something about ‘reality’ and drifted off again. What’s going on?

T-Bone: Oh, Razor. I had a terrible dream. I dreamt I was in a fanfic which revolved around the stupid little idea that we would answer the Frequently Asked-

He realises.

T-Bone: Aaaaarrrgghhhh!

Razor: And it’s deja vu all over again.

THE END

And now, the epilogue: (‘Et maintenant, l’epilogue:’ for the French people.)

We see that the SWAT Kats are in the hangar again, near the sofa. They sip from coffee mugs. Pull out to reveal that they are in a set, that just looks like the hangar. Cameraman walk around, carrying cables.

T-Bone: That was a good episode today, Razor.

Razor: Gee, thanks, T-Bone! I thought you were pretty dynamic yourself, with how you acted out all that deja vu stuff.

T-Bone: Oh yeah, but I’m used to deja vu. In fact, I can see into the future…

Razor: Really? When did that start?

T-Bone: Next Tuesday.

Razor: (laughs) That’s a good one! We should work that into next week’s script.

T-Bone: What is next week’s script about anyway?

Razor: I think a villain called “The Librarian” tries to take over MegaKat City using the Dewey Decimal System.

T-Bone: Oh, THAT old plot!

Razor: Yeah. Do you think I mucked up my lines a bit today, I just felt that I was, well, prolificating too much..

T-Bone: Nah, you did swell! I think that they all still think that SWAT Kats is real, and not just a show. D’you wanta go out for a drink later?

Razor: Sure. My shout.

T-Bone: It’s always your shout. I’ll pay today’s. You deserve it.

Razor: Alright, if you insist…

They start to walk off, passing other ‘actors’ such as Miss Briggs, who ‘unzips’ herself, revealing that she is actually Dot on stilts, and Mayor Manx, who’s ‘real’ voice is very much like Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s.

T-Bone: See you next week,

Manx: Ja, der nex week.

They walk on, passing other characters, who are all chatting casually and looking over scripts. They all say goodbye, and other parting niceties.

Cameraman: Okay, see you guys later. Lights out in ten.

Razor: Yeah, bye Smitty.

T-Bone: Who’s that guy? (points)

We see a rather evil-looking person standing in a corner, making notes.

Razor: I don’t know. (to the stranger) See you next week!

tED: That’s what you think. Heh heh heh.

The lights go out, leaving total darkness, except for tED’s eyes, which glow red and are pointy, like a devil’s.

T-Bone: I wonder what THAT was about.

Razor: Don’t worry. (sings) When you walk, through the storm,

T-Bone: (sings also) Hold your head, up high,

Both: (chorus) And don’t, be afraid, of the dark!

Other members of the crew join them.

Manx: (tries to sing) At de end, of da storm,

Dr Shinian: (accompanying) Is a golden sky,

Commander Feral: (croons) And the sweet,

Dr Viper: (ssssings) Sssssilver sssssong,

Lt Felina Feral: (cajouls) Of the lark.

Professor Hackle: (sings) Walk on,

Dark Kat: (ditto) Through the wind,

Briggs: (back as ‘Briggs’ & singing) Walk on,

Pastmaster: (choral accompaniment) Through the rain,

Kreeplings: (surprisingly coherent) Though your dreams, be tossed, and blown,

Hard Drive: (sings) Walk on,

Higgins: (ditto) Walk on,

Extra’s: (more ditto) With hope in your heart,

All (except tED. Obviously): And you’ll never walk alone, You’ll ne…ver…walk…alone!

Razor: That was great, guys. Whaddaya say we all go out for a drink? T-Bone’s buying…

T-Bone: THIS is going to cost me…

Feral: (putting arm around T-Bone’s waist) Oh, T-Bone!

(That’s Lt. Felicity Feral, and not Commander Feral, for of all you sicko’s out there.)

T-Bone: Oh sheesh! Come on everyone!

All: Yay!

And they walked out of the darkness onto the street, leaving tED alone, oblivious to the fact that the end was indeed nigh…

THE END

Yes, I’m sorry it’s another singing/heart-touching ending, but it’s really the best way to develop pathos – if you don’t like it then rewrite it, or end at the first THE END. I’ve included more subliminal messages in this one, so if you notice a thing that seems similar to yours or something, it’s a ‘hommage’ (that’s French for ‘blatant rip-off’, by the way), and you can feel a strong sense of pride, because it also means I repect you, in some way or another. I’ve quoted two different bits from the same chapter of ‘The Hitch Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’ by Douglas Adams in two of my fanfics. The first e-mail I get with the correct quotes and fanfic names will be the winner of my mini (and way too easy) competition. The prize? The next fanfic I write will be solely dedicated to the person who won. Ooh, what an honour! Get perusing, you SK addicts, you! Also, whilst perusing, you may notice an ‘error’ in the continuity in this script, which, when you think of it, mightn’t be an ‘error’ at all, but the further you think, it might be an ‘error’ again, but, think a bit more, and you realise that the evidence against it is non-conclusive, and so it mightn’t be an ‘error’, after all. I’d like to think that I did this on purpose, but the truth is that it all happened by, well, ‘error’.

Erratically Yours, Nicholas “Would being in a penal colony give you the willies?” Ball

And here’s a parting quote from THHGTTG: [Sympathies to DJ, without whom none of this could be possible]

‘And I write novels!’ chimed in the other cop. ‘Though I haven’t had any of them published yet, so I better warn you, I’m in a meeeean mood!’

Parting thought: Aren’t the Metallikat’s incredibly like the Terminator? The music, the actions. In fact, if you remember, both were crushed, apparently to death, under a hydraulic press, but then came back. What’s that? It was intentionally done to be like that? Well, then aren’t I an idiot? Don’t answer that. SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron

“The 7th Plain” by Nicholas “Insert-Catchy-Nickname-Here” Ball

A SWAT Kats/AstroBoy Crossover

Introduction: Okay, I know that this one has been a long time coming, but I had to keep rewriting it so I didn’t contradict everything the damn original writers came up with, and the length of this one kept getting me down. This final draft (Yes! I’m not going to rewrite it again! Any continuity errors can just go get themselves knotted!) is about 3/4 longer than I wanted it to be, but I just got caught up in the plot and…well, I’ll just let you get onto it. The plot gets pretty confusing about 1/2 way through, so e-mail me at bennett@acay.com.au for a simplified version.

This fanfic is dedicated to Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and all the other crazy physicists that make life just that bit more enjoyable.

Scene #1 – MegaKat City

We see that it is Saturday afternoon in MegaKat City. We are at a rather empty street, with few pedestrians on the footpaths. We see that 2 of the pedestrians are the SWAT Kats, in full uniform. They walk down the street next to each other. We close in on them as they come across someone walking the other way. It is AstroBoy.

Razor & T-Bone: Hi AstroBoy!

AstroBoy: Hi SWAT Kats!

They walk on past each other. Stay on SWAT Kats until they turn left and disappear from our sight, leaving the street empty.

THE END

Post-scriptum: There was going to be a long whine here about how I have trouble writing and me being in the final year of school, but I rewrote the paragraph. No thanks necessary, except to my infamous slash’n’burn editing, which has caused me to delete almost completed stories ‘on principle’. Or was it due to a subconscious mind-altering suggestion beamed to me from the government in what they call ‘the dial tone’? The Paranoia Is Out There…

I’ll leave all of you crazy kids with a quote-

“If you can make just one person laugh, just one person out of the multitude of the many people that make up this planet that we call Earth – then you’re probably not very funny.” -Andrew Daddo, ironically.

It has been, and always will be, swell. Nicholas “Ignotum ter ignotius” Ball

P.S Anyone got any concrete info on the SK comic i.e an address where it can be ordered from? Also, names of sites with merchandise stuff on them would be appreciated (well, not really, ‘cos I’m a social ingrate, but it’s the thought that counts).SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron

Okay, I’ve been watching the shows quite a bit lately, and I noticed that no-one has bothered to supply the lyrics to the theme song to this SK page. Here they are. All queries to Nicholas “The Instigator” Ball at (bennett@acay.com.au), unless they are really naff and vacuous ones. Obviously. Flames will be ignored, as will people who’s names begin with ‘G’.

These lyrics are dedicated to the original SK crew before they were all given the heave-ho by the nefarious (that means ‘bad’) tED tURNER.

“SWAT Kats Lyrics”

C major, no sharps/flats. Start at middle C on piano. ‘Rock’ chords on guitar can be used for backing. Basic 4/4 timing.

Vocal: Da na, na na na! Da na na, na na, na naaaa! Da na na na na na na… Da na, na na na! Da na na na na na naaaa! Da na na na na na na, na na, da, na na na na na, na da na na na na naaaaa! Da na, da na na!

Piano: (sung whilst hitting keys) Da na, na na na! Da na na, na na, na naaaa! Da na na na na na na… Da na, na na na! Da na na na na na naaaa! Da na na na na na na, na na, da, na na na na na, na da na na na na naaaaa! Da na, da na na!

Guitar: (called whilst strumming) Da na, na na na! Da na na, na na, na naaaa! Da na na na na na na… Da na, na na na! Da na na na na na naaaa! Da na na na na na na, na na, da, na na na na na, na da na na na na naaaaa! Da na, da na na!

Triangle: (vocal accompanyment) Da na, na na na! Da na na, na na, na naaaa! Da na na na na na na… Da na, na na na! Da na na na na na naaaa! Da na na na na na na, na na, da, na na na na na, na da na na na na naaaaa! Da na, da na na!

Go out and try it for yourselves, you musically-talented die-hard SWAT Kats fans, you! And, in the interests of prolix:

Defiantly Coming Soon (yes, ‘defiantly’, not ‘definitly’):

* Trombone version of SK theme. * Judge Ferall – ‘I am the Law!’ * The Manxx (a tale of a mayor who lives in two worlds, one of which where he protects Julie Briggs, Queen of the Leopards as a 6 foot purple superhero, the other where he’s a normal, everyday mayor) * Xena Briggs: Warrior Deputy-Mayor * The SWAT Kats Rip-Off Other’s Plot Devices (oops – already been done!) * SWAT Kats Go Incoherent In An Abstract Plot (sorry, this’s been done too) * The Nutty Mad-Scientist (a jovial tale of a day in the life of Dr Viper) * FAQ Kats II (Nooooooo!!!!) * The SWAT Kats Have A Quiet Night At Home, Because Nothing’s Endangering The City * Dr Sinian, Historian Woman * The Other Nutty Professor (a day in the life of the zany Professor Hackle, as he designs evil killing-machines for the purposes of good, that escape and attack MegaKat City forcing the SWAT Kats to save the day, as the Enforcers’ weapons are useless at fighting them) * Pastmaster Pat * MegaKat City 90210 * Dirty Steele – ‘Go ahead, make my promotion’ * Teenage Mutant Evil Creations Of Dr Viper * Hard Drive and his Amazing Technicolour Electric Coat (the musical) And last, but certainly not least, ‘Fiends’ starring the Metallikats, Dr Viper, Hard Drive and Dark Kat. Theme tune- ‘So no-one told you evil was going to be this way, your plan’s a joke, you’re broke, the SWAT Kats have ruined your day, it’s like you’re stuck in Al-kat-raz for all the year, when the SWAT Kats thwarted your plans, and stopped your reign of fear…’

Any simularities between any of these ideas and real life are meant to be funny. So laugh, dammit! Yrs Somethingly, Nicholas “Nick” Ball

* Trombone version of SK theme.

* Judge Ferall – ‘I am the Law!’

* The Manxx (a tale of a mayor who lives in two worlds, one of which where

he protects Julie Briggs, Queen of the Leopards as a 6 foot purple

superhero, the other where he’s a normal, everyday mayor)

* Xena Briggs: Warrior Deputy-Mayor

* The SWAT Kats Rip-Off Other’s Plot Devices (oops – already been done!)

* SWAT Kats Go Incoherent In An Abstract Plot (sorry, this’s been done too)

* The Nutty Mad-Scientist (a jovial tale of a day in the life of Dr Viper)

* FAQ Kats II (Nooooooo!!!!)

* The SWAT Kats Have A Quiet Night At Home, Because Nothing’s Endangering

The City

* Dr Sinian, Historian Woman

* The Other Nutty Professor (a day in the life of the zany Professor

Hackle, as he designs evil killing-machines for the purposes of good, that

escape and attack MegaKat City forcing the SWAT Kats to save the day,

as the Enforcers’ weapons are useless at fighting them)

* Pastmaster Pat

* MegaKat City 90210

* Dirty Steele – ‘Go ahead, make my promotion’

* Teenage Mutant Evil Creations Of Dr Viper

* Hard Drive and his Amazing Technicolour Electric Coat (the musical)

And last, but certainly not least, ‘Fiends’ starring the Metallikats,

Dr Viper, Hard Drive and Dark Kat. Theme tune-

‘So no-one told you evil was going to be this way,

your plan’s a joke, you’re broke, the SWAT Kats have ruined your day,

it’s like you’re stuck in Al-kat-raz for all the year,

when the SWAT Kats thwarted your plans,

and stopped your reign of fear…’

 

Any simularities between any of these ideas and real life are meant to

be funny. So laugh, dammit!

Yrs Somethingly,

Nicholas “Nick” Ball

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