Happy Halloween Kat-Fans!
Yup, it’s that time of the year again. Time to avoid suspicious looking treats and not-funny tricks. And the occasional demon or witch too. ? Now, I, personally can’t go trick-or-treating (I live in the countryside, much to my disappointment) so I’d like to hear how your Halloween went! (No, really….) I’d also really like a candy bar or four….now if you could only include them in e-mails….
This story is dedicated to a paw-full of kewl kat-fans: Wildkat first and foremost (hey, I’m using his rpg character in a uh….slightly…yeah, SLIGHTLY exaggerated way) – all the parts that Wildkat or Binky acts out are in his name. Okami for putting the Halloween Challenge up in the first place – so she gets everything that Patrolkat Alex Strings does. DJ for bein’ DJ ( ::gryns:: ) – she gets all the parts she likes. ? Then comes Strike, ’cause I’m using her name often – she gets all the references to the skrpg. Now, since there are too many rpg-ers in Strike’s skrpg to name, I’ll just dedicate the prologue and various other funny parts to them. The rest of this story is for the kat-fans out there that I haven’t named. Congratulations, every time you see a punctuation mark, it’s in your honor! I’ll be sure to add lots of them. ?
As always, you can contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Chella a.k.a. Klawz (Ice…She-Bayne… Roxie….Asis…and the list goes on)
ps. Disclaimer type thing at bottom, if you happen to want to read it ’cause you’re trying to sue me or something.
Pre-Prologue Hey’ya! I’ll be narrating the story. My name’s Katareena Perkins. Yeah, the actress. But don’t hold this against me, every word of this story is true. Would these eyes lie? No, didn’t think so.
Anyway, my buddy Wildkat – I mean JEFF – told me the story himself. Well, he and Alex did. From what the two told me, I put together a pretty fair estimation of what happened.
Every once in a while I’ll break off to explain something, hope you don’t mind, but it’s confusing to *me* and I *know* these kats.
Wildkat calls it ‘The Night of The Living Binky’. Alex calls it ‘The Night I’ll Never Forget’. Abby calls it ‘The Night Viper Nearly Destroyed the City Again’, but, she wasn’t there, so her title has nothing to do with what happened. I call it ‘The Night’ since that’s all anyone can agree to call this story.
Oh, right, let me start the story…. It all happened one Halloween….
“Put Binky away, Jeff. You’re too old for Binky, Jeff… Sheesh… Binky’s like a – a… *good-luck charm*! Yeah! That’s it!” Jeff “Wildkat” O’Connel mumbled, dragging his blue and white striped blanket he called ‘Binky’ towards the attic.
He was seventeen or so, he never had a head for numbers, but he knew he was old enough to drive and not old enough to drink, and that was good enough for him. He tossed Binky over his shoulder and started jumping for the chord that pulled the attic stairs down.
“Geeeze….who where these freaks that built this house? Giants?” Jeff was tall for his age, but he still couldn’t catch the chord. Finally, after six minutes and a couple of the various kats that randomly inhabited Abby’s place had thrown a pillow /shoe /Encyclopedia Brit-kat-ica at him, he managed to pull down the stairs and scamper up into the attic, which, with his luck, closed up immediately after.
“WIIILLLLDKAAAT! Dr. Viper’s destroying the city again! After we stop him we’re going trick-or-treating! Laatteeeer!” Abby yelled up to him. He heard the various ‘let’s go now’ sounds as he sat in the darkened room with Binky over his shoulder.
“Hmmm…maybe you’re *not* a good-luck charm, Binky. Jus’ look what you made me miss.” Jeff looked accusingly at the blanket which, to him anyway, looked back up at him abashedly. “All right, Binky, I forgive you!”
Wildkat looked around the attic, absently brushing the dust from his messy black hair and his brown fur. He found the switch that turned on the lights and flipped it. “Leeeeet’s seee…..where oh where will we put you…?” He got to his feet and wandered around the attic, poking into a box here and a chest of drawers there.
“Oh wow! Lookit!” He yanked a funny-looking pink sombrero off a shelf and put it on his head, then jumped, leaped and ran to the dusty mirror in the corner by the only window. “Ole! Torro, torro!”
Binky the Blanket floated to the attic floor, unnoticed and ignored as Jeff played around with the various odds and ends that one finds in an attic of a house that’s four times as old as its owner.
That was his mistake. You NEVER turn your back on a demon-blanket. Not that Wildkat KNEW that his precious blanket was demonic. It just was. Maybe it picked up some of his psychic abilities along the years and decided for itself that it was going to be demonic.
The ragged corner of the blanket twitched.
Patrolkat Alex Strings pulled his keys from his pocket and slid them home in the lock. It was dusk, he noticed. He had missed the sunset….again.
“Oh well…” he mumbled as the door to his apartment swung open reluctantly. He knew it was going to be like this when he signed up for the Enforcers. Not that he really minded missing the sunsets, or the sunrises for that matter. It was just when one didn’t have the opportunity to do something that’s when one wanted to do it.
The bag he was carrying was dropped by the door, to be sorted out later, as always. He’d never gotten into the habit of immediately putting his dirty/ sweaty/ bloody/ whatever clothes into the laundry as soon as he got home.
“Rest and relaxation – at last!” Alex announced, ready for the aforementioned past times.
Not that he was likely to get any. He, unfortunately, was housed next door to an ex-Enforcer, or was it a current one – demoted? He could never remember. Abby Furrson was not somekat you could live years next to and never talk to. If she got it in her head to talk to you, she would – whether you were sleeping off the night shift or not.
That was why he wasn’t too surprised that as soon as his head hit the pillow he heard screaming coming from the apartment next door.
Jeff was admiring himself in the dusty old mirror. He was rather pleased with himself, he’d managed to find all the coolest and most interesting clothes in the attic and put them on. It was a shame that they didn’t quite match.
He had an old-fashioned green and red pin-striped suit on with the pink sombrero and some metal roller skates. Why the skates, you might ask? Well, he’d never seen anything like them. The wheels weren’t in a straight line…it was…..weird. Oh yes, one must not forget the ‘Miss MegaKat City 1918’ sash he wore over the suit. He was most proud of that.
Wildkat held an imaginary microphone to his mouth. “Welcome lady-kats and gents! Here he is, Miss….er….Mr. MegaKat City 1918, himself – Jeff O’Connel! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa!” he announced in his best Ann Gora imitation.
As he watched himself in the mirror, he noticed a movement behind him. “Whoa-what?” He turned to catch a glimpse of the blue and white striped blanket lifting itself from the attic floor. “Uh…ACK!”
Now, about two seconds ago you and I would have dived out of that window, right? Well, not Wildkat. Call it confidence, call it courage, call it whatever you want – but I call it luck. Jeff seems to have the weirdest luck of anykat in the City. ‘Course, what I really mean is dumb luck. He’s had so much of this weird luck, he doesn’t know when he should fight and when he should flee, so he usually does the wrong one. That’s why he continued to be amazed as Binky the Blanket picked itself off the floor and shaped itself into a vaguely kat-like form.
“Jeeeeeeefff…” Binky said.
“Uhmm….ACK-SOME-MORE! BINKY’S ALIIIIIIVE!” Jeff said, still not running.
“Jeefff….you weeereee going to geeet rid of meeee…” Binky the Blanket informed his owner in a disapproving voice.
“Uh…no I wasn’t. No-really!” Wildkat prudently removed the pink sombrero and put it on the dresser. He looked longingly at his sneakers, but they were behind Binky-the-Alive-Blanket.
“Yes you weeeereee!”
“YES YOU WERE!” the blanket shrieked, losing it’s spooky-sounding dragging the ‘e’s’ out type of voice.
Wildkat loved this, fighting, that is – not discussing whether or not he was planning on ditching the blanket who had come to life WITH the blanket who had come to life. He could argue for hours, eventually he’d win, one way or another. “Let’s not fight. Here, I’ve got a nice box you can-”
He broke off and tilted his head. He’d heard furious knocking coming from downstairs. “Excuse me, Binky.”
“You’re excused, Jeff,” Binky said politely. As Wildkat climbed down the attic stairs – which he had actually gotten to come unstuck – he heard, “Hey! Waiiiiit a second…” come from the blanket.
Quickly, Jeff made the attic stairs slam shut. “Yeeessss!” He went downstairs to answer the door.
Alex banged on the door, covering his yawn with one paw. How many times a week did he have to do this? Maybe eight….if he were lucky. A familiar teenage brown kat answered the door. He looked suspiciously innocent, as usual.
“Yeee-aaaaasss?” The kid asked, dragging the word out.
“What’s all this screaming about? It’s keeping me up….again,” Alex said.
“Geez you Enforcers are easy to wake up! I swear, you’re here at least eight times a week complaining! Get some ear-plugs or something! NORMAL kats are actually awake at these hours!” The door started to swing shut.
Alex started to nod and apologize, “Hey, wait a minute!”
The younger kat stopped shutting the door to look down at him as if HE (Alex that is) were being the rude one and HE (Wildkat, of course) was the polite one who was taking too much but still being courteous about it. “Hmm?”
“What *is* all the screaming about?” Alex started to look around the teenager into the apartment belonging to the infamous Abby Furrson. It shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did – how the heck did she find so many friends that were so similar to her?
“Oh, it’s nothing. Binky, my blanket, came alive in the attic. It’s all right now, I’ve shut him up in there.” The kid actually said it with a straight face.
“Oh, well, if that’s aaaall…” Alex said sarcastically, about to turn away. It was then that he noticed a section of the ceiling upstairs slowly move down. “Uhmm….is *that* where the stairs are?” He pointed towards the section.
The kid with the messy black hair turned and looked. “Err…. yeah…. hmm… ACK!!!” He dived though the open door and closed it shut behind him, then put his back to it, as if to keep the door from opening again. “We should probably run,” he remarked, again with a straight face.
About now Alex was thinking that the kid should get his own show. He could tell the wildest stories with the perfect dead-pan face. He wondered how many of his neighbor’s friends were behind this gag. “Sure Kid….what’s goin’ on?”
“I’m not ‘Kid’, I’m Jeff. And, like I said, Binky the Blanket has come alive and is mad at me.” Jeff leaned forward and in a conspiratorial voice, said, “He’s not too happy with me….I was going to put him in the attic. Everykat out-grows his security blanket someday ya know. I just didn’t think they’d get *mad* at their owner ’cause of it!”
Alex rubbed his forehead as he tried to stop the headache that was forming. He *knew* better than to talk for long periods with his neighbor or her friends. There were at least two very tall, very easily cheesed off he-kats who frequented the place, he’d very nearly had his head twisted off when he walked too close to one of their cars. Then there was this shorter he-kat with glasses, red hair, and suspenders. A very odd one he. And the she-kats, if anything, got even stranger. The teen before him was no exception.
“Look….” he began, but stopped as something threw itself against the door. “KATS ALIVE! What is THAT???”
“Aaaaah! It’s Binky! We should have run!” Jeff yelled.
“Jeff….that’s a blanket….” A piece of blue and white striped fabric began slipping itself from under the door. Jeff looked down and jumped at least five feet.
“AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!” The kid yanked himself off the door and threw himself out into the yard in front of the stoop, totally missing the stairs. “C’mon, Mr. Enforcer Kat! We’ve got to go!” He did this in skates too, without falling. Alex was vaguely impressed.
“Patrolkat Alex Strings,” Alex corrected, watching as the blanket slunk more than half way out from under the door. He didn’t move so the teenager ran up the steps and pulled him by the wrist. Rather than argue, Alex allowed himself to follow the younger kat.
“Yeah, whatever Alex….” Jeff muttered as he dragged him out into the street. “Gotta gun?”
“Sure, in my apartment. Regulation and everything…”
“No, I meant a gun. An uzi might do. A shotgun would be good too. Got either of them?” He kept looking towards the front door of the apartment, as if his friends were rigging up some complex system to make the blanket move down the stairs or something.
Alex almost laughed until he realized that Jeff was absolutely serious. He had a little help in the decision, though. Alex just is *not* the kind of kat that would make a decision based purely on if the speaker of some wild story actually looked like he meant it. You know, kinda like Feral in going by the book. No, he had help. And Binky the Blanket floating down the steps and then shaping itself into a kat-form again did nicely.
“Jeeeeeeeeeeeeffffff….” Binky said in a spooky voice.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaat?” Jeff returned just as spookily. The blanket’s ‘face’ looked surprised for a second.
“Yooooou weeereee gooiiiing tooo giiiveee meee uuuupp…”
“Yeeeaaaah….sooooo??” The kid edged away. The blanket didn’t seem to notice.
“I’ll tell you what! I don’t like bein’ left! It’s bad enough that you wash me with Pride detergent, it always makes me stiff.” The blanket tapped it’s ‘foot’ and ticked off his woes. “And I *hate* being line dried! I wrinkle that way!” The ‘face’ of Binky looked at it’s ‘paw’ as it continued to list the things it disliked. The kid made his escape – by going into Alex’s house.
Apparently noticing that it’s owner wasn’t there anymore, it looked up at Alex. “He left!”
“Well, you are kind of intimidating.”
“I’m no such thing!” Binky said, indignantly.
Alex sighed. “He went that way.” He pointed down the street, in the opposite direction of his apartment.
“Thanks.” The animated blanket started trotting off down the street. Alex shrugged and went to his apartment.
“He’s gone,” Alex announced as he entered.
“Oh goodie. He won’t be fooled for long,” Jeff warned, pulling himself from under the battered couch. Alex didn’t even ask how he’d gotten himself under there.
“Something’s been bothering me…” the Enforcer began slowly.
“What?” Jeff asked, turning to look at him, instead of peering at his CD’s.
“You were Miss MegaKat City 1918???”
“What? Oh, yeah….” The kid removed the sash and peered dolefully at the skates on his feet. “I’d kinda like to keep these on….whatever they are.”
“Roller skates,” Alex supplied, rooting though the bag he’d brought home from work looking for his gun.
“No waaay! These are roller skates?”
“Yes way… Ah-ha! Found it!” Alex triumphantly pulled his regulation paw-gun from the bag and attached it’s mini-holster to his belt.
“Oh goodie.” That wasn’t Jeff, that was Binky.
“Whu-oh,” Alex and Jeff said (in stereo where availiable).
The blanket put it’s ‘paws’ on it’s ‘hips’ and laughed. Jeff’s face suddenly lit up like a stadium during a night football game.
“Uh-oh, Binky! You’ve got a loose thread!”
“Get it off! Get it offa me!” Binky shrieked, twisting and turning to look for it. Jeff happily obliged, coming over and yanking at the thread. Binky immediately began unraveling. He apparently didn’t notice though, even when Jeff tied the loose thread to a chair.
“Let’s go!” Jeff said, grabbing Alex’s wrist and taking off out of the apartment and into the street. Alex followed, sure that since he had absolutely no idea what was going on, the kid could only have more of an idea.
Binky chased them, but began losing more of his threads. He finally stopped, recognizing his dilemma. He really hammed it up, actually drawing a crowd of trick-or-treaters. “What a world! What a world!” he wailed as his last threads fell into a pile.
“Whoa….” Jeff muttered, his eyes huge.
“Yeah…” Alex said, putting a paw on the kid’s shoulder.
“Whoa….now I’m glad I didn’t put away my toy soldiers! They might’uv been REALLY pissed!”
I suppose it’s needless to say that when Abby and crew got back, Wildkat told his amazing story. Not that anykat believed him. Alex had gone to bed with a nice bottle of…well, we’ll just say he slept well.
Alex came back the next day to ask Jeff, nicely, if what he thought had happened the night before HAD happened. Wildkat told him that it hadn’t. Abby whacked Jeff on the head and explained for the very confused Alex that Wildkat had told the same story to her the night before. Alex is now moving to another neighborhood, next door to Jessica Maverick, I believe. Poor Alex.
THE REALLY TOTALLY NECESSARY LEGAL TYPE THINGY THING: Abby Furrson, Wildkat/Jeff O’Connel, Jessica Maverick, Bender, Macbeth, and Kage (The last three of which I alluded to) are the copyright of their respective players. Patrolkat Alex Strings and Katareena Perkins are copyright me. Any references to SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron are copyright Hanna-Barbera Cartoons and all the other producers and stuff (hey, I’m trying to make this short ‘n’ sweet, K?) Uhmm…anything else is copyright to whomever has the copyrights to it.
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Disclaimer: SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron is copyright to Hanna-Barbera Cartoons Inc. All Rights Reserved. © 1995. All other characters and material within this page are the property of their respective creators.