Original SWAT Kats Story

Being Human, Then Kat

By Jamie D. J. Russell

  • 1 Chapter
  • 3,874 Words

(Unfinished) A human SWAT Kats fan has some problems with the TV and suddenly finds herself in the MegaKat desert.

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Author's Notes:

Title: Being human, Then Kat: Part 1

Author: Jamie D.J. Russell

E-mail: the_shadow_003@geocities.com

Summary: …a human SWAT Kats fan gets some problems with the TV and suddenly finds herself in the Megakat desert…


This isn’t such a good story, but I’ve still written it… Had to get this junk out of my head.

REMEMBER THAT THIS IS FICTION! Please don’t take anything I’ve written here too seriously. [The character real name is Diana Johnson. Or Daniella Jeeves. Or Dissina Jetov , or Dragana Jesper…. I really don’t care about that. Call her whatever you want]

And so this (crappy?) story begins:


Time: 01:20 am? Location: Somewhere in Malmö, Sweden.


It was past midnight.

The almost everyday ordinary flat was dark and quiet.

Everywhere except for in the living room… A person was sitting in the sofa in the back part of the room. The electrical glow from the TV in the front part of the room lightened up the room and made it a little more possible to see what the room contained. The TV showed a person running through a forest, hunted by something…

The volume was pretty loud.

The something was coming closer and closer…

Suddenly the screen turned completely black and the credits started to roll down. The familiar X-file theme-song started, revealing that it was the end.

The short, young female with short brown hair wearing a dark green sweatshirt and pants with very big, filled pockets stared happily on the TV-screen with a huge grin. “He, he. This ep was so great! Can’t wait until next week!”

The female grinned even more happily and stared into the screen that was showing a commercial to a film that that channel was going to show on Sunday, but she didn’t care about what she saw there. Her mind was somewhere else. She just sat there and dreamed away about what amusing/frightening things the next week’s episode could bring.

Suddenly she noticed the time on the clock on the wall above the TV. About half two. “Dammit, gotto do it before the SWAT Kats begins.” The female lowered the volume on the TV to almost nothing.

She stood up and walked thoughtfully to the TV. Beside it was a strange tangle of wires and strange gadgets. She kneeled down and rearranged some wires.

“OK, it’s now or never,” She plugged the strange device into the wall and to the TV.

A strange electric humming was starting to be heard. The female took the remote control to the TV and looked tensed on the TV as she changed to a channel. “What? This can’t be right?” The female looked on the TV screen surprised. It was the Playboy channel.

The female took the remote and turned off the TV. She bent down and made a few adjustments on the strange device. She held the remote, “OK, this should be it.” She doubtfully turned on the TV…

“YES! HA, Ha, Ha Ha!” she started to jump around of joy.

On the TV screen it was a yellow cat with a purple hat. He was standing up on his two legs and was talking to a short blueish cat with clothes, in a alley.

It said Cartoon Network on the upper right end of the screen.

“Yehoo! Jippi! HA Ha he Ha, Cable Cartoon Network! And without really having it!” She continued to jump around of joy.

Suddenly there was a knocking/banging from down below and it was heard clearly but a bit muffled how someone angrily and tiredly yelled from the flat below: “Håll klaffen din galna idiot! Klockan är nästan två på natten!” [translation: Shut up you crazy idiot! It’s almost two in the morning!] [note: exact translation would become ‘It’s almost two on the night’!] After that the bangings continued.

The female stopped, and as soon as she had done that, so did the bangings. The female shrugged. She sat down on the sofa and looked at the TV screen. The previous show had ended and the thing that was currently on was a short cartoon that was about the Powerpuff girls. Three very, very young superheros with strange superpowers.

The female looks at the screen, ‘Nah,.. ’ Shakes her head. She look at the clock, ‘Hm, I’ve got a couple of minutes before it starts… I’m kinda hungry. Wonder what there’s in the fridge.’ She stands up and walks to the kitchen. Opens the fridge and looks through it but doesn’t find anything good enough to eat but finds a bottle of mineral water. ‘Guess that this will have to do.’

Suddenly there was music heard from the flat next door: ….’Go Johnny Go Go Go, Go Johnny Go Go Go, Go Johnny Go Go Go, Johhny be good’. The female sighed, “Åh nej, inte nu igen. Är de besatta av den låten eller?” [translation: Oh no, not now again. Are they obsessed with that tune or something?] She was tired of almost always hearing it. In the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, and now – in the night.

The neighbor from the flat down below started to bang again but now at them. “För Guds skull! Lägg av! Det finns folk som försöker att sova här! Jag kommer att se till att ni blir utsparkade! Detta är olagligt!” [translation: For Gods sake! Quit it! There are people trying to sleep here! I’m going to get you kicked out! This is illegal!] Presumably they agreed that it wasn’t such a smart idea to be playing music in the middle of the night, because the music suddenly became silent. Like if it had been turned off.

The female shook her head and walked back into the living room. The SWAT Kats had already begun. “Oh, I missed the beginning! Which ep is this one?” Looked on it for a while and when a aircraft that was familiar to her showed up, she stopped wondering and smiled a big grin. “Turmoil! One of my favourite ep’s!”

But the image started to flickering and soon started to look like a snowstorm inside a gray black room.

“No!”, the female yelled. She got a desperate look and ran to the TV and the device. She put down the bottle with mineral water and started to mix around with the device and suddenly the image of the SWAT Kats in Turbokat became clearer. The female smiled happily but lifted up the device to continued to change things to get a so clear image as possible.

But suddenly something went wrong with the device and it started to glow in a color that looked like a mix between the blue color Sam [in the TV-show Quantum Leap(1989)] gets when he leaps and the light green glow from green kryptonite [Superman(????-????)].

“Uh oh”, the female got time to say before the strange blue green light devoured everything in sight.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Time: about 16:00 (4 pm) Location: MegaKat Desert. About 0.4 miles from the salvage yard. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The female found herself in a wide-stretched desert area which reminded her about either the prairie in the Road Runner cartoons but without the vegetation or the MegaKat Desert. Or, the atmosphere looked more like if it belonged in the SWAT Kat universe. She was still holding the device. She looked around for quite a while before noticing what she looked like.

“Oh shit.” She said quietly and looked absolutely shocked on her paws(!). She moved her ‘fingers’ and looked absolutely shocked on them. Her paws were covered with a silver gray fur.

She put down the device and felt on her face. She felt on her head and discovered her ears. They where thin, big, pointy and furry. She chuckled while smiling a huge and happy smile. She took out a folded combined comb and mirror out of the right pocket on her pants. She looked strangely on her paws one more time and started to move them again. She toyed around with the mirror-comb. She liked the strange feeling. It felt like if all of her muscles and bones had been recreated and absolutely new and unused but with a strength that rather indicated that they were very well-trained.

When she looked in the mirror she got a strange smile. “Wow! He, he. ” She laughed while looking on her silver-gray fur, hazel brown hair, pale pink nose and warm brown eyes. “I’m a ‘kat’. Amazing.” She smiled very amused. “And I actually look good like this.” She smiled even more, satisfied with that fact.

She suddenly remembered where she was and looked up on the hot desert sun while putting down the combined comb and mirror in her pocket. She realized that she was out in the middle of nowhere and didn’t know what to do. She sighed. The fact that she was out somewhere in a desert and didn’t have any knowledge of how to get away from it took all the fun out of it.

“OK. I’m here, so now what?”

She stood up and thought for a moment. Then she just sat down on the hot desert sand and put the device next to her. Wherever she looked all she could see was sand, sand and the sky.

After a couple of minutes which had been like an eternity, she heard a jet engine right in front of her. She looked and saw the silhouette of a very familiar black plane fly over the sky. She saw it disappear beyond the horizon. She picked up the device and started to walk in the direction she had seen the Turbokat fly.

——Much pain, heat and time later——-

She had walked for what seemed like a eternity because she didn’t have a watch on her to know for how long time she had walked. Her feet were sore since she hadn’t been wearing any slippers or something when she had come to this place. She was so hot and tired so that she almost fainted.

Suddenly she noticed the silhouette of some skyscrapers and the MegaKat Tower in the horizon.

“Finally!” She sighed hopefully.

She thought of how warm she was, like if she was going to start to boil. A thick sweatshirt wasn’t the best thing to wear in a desert and to drag along the heavy device with her while walking so much wasn’t too good either. She suddenly thought of that she hadn’t slept in,.. in almost two days… She wished that she could get out of that terrible heat but she couldn’t do anything except for walking to the city where it hopefully would be colder.

——Later when she had arrived to MegaKat City——-

She was very tired but still became stunned over the amount of people in the city. She had never been in New York but supposed that it would have looked a bit similar to this. So many people everywhere. Like ants. She was fascinated by this and tired but still wanted to go to the salvage yard. That would make the whole trip not worthless. It was something her subconscious used to distract her from getting panic over that she was in another world, a place that shouldn’t exist. A thing that some cartoonists or other had invented.

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The evening sky glowed redly and followed by a cold, dark, starless sky. A pretty young tom-kat with orange hair and fur stood as if waiting beside a phone booth. She looked on him and decided to ask him. But what would she say if he asked anything about her. Nevermind, she would come up with something if she had to. She thought of how to begin to ask. She thought that it might be good to pretend that she was a tourist. Maybe even add a fake accent to the whole thing.

“Excuse me, but I am a tourist here and is wondering if you by any chance would know where the salvage yard is. I know that it is somewhere outside of the city but where it is and how to get there, I do not know.

The tom-kat smiled amused. She looked kinda different, in a fun way, from what he usually say people look like. And her English, a bit strange too. He liked it. It was interesting in a different way. And she looked like if she had been through hell. Wondered why but decided to joke about her appearance.

“So sweatshirts and no shoes are the latest fashion among tourists nowadays.” He grinned. “But seriously, you don’t look like a tourist?”

She didn’t like that it could take any longer time to get to the hangar because of some smalltalk. She was very tired and felt like if she wouldn’t be able to stand up again if she would fall.

She answered annoyed, “I do not like to dress as a tourist.”

He thought. “But what’s that weird thing you’re carrying?”

She got even more annoyed, ” My toaster! OK! Do you or do you not know where the salvage yard is!” she almost screamed out. She was so tired so that she became upset so easily.

He looked strangely shocked on her. “I do know…”

She looked relieved and smiled tiredly. “Where is it? Is it far away?” she asked curiously.

He looked thoughtfully on her. “Yeah it’s far away, but I can show you where it is.”

She looked worried on him but decided that it could be her only chance to get there as soon as possible, “OK, you can do that.” But she added, “and do not try with any tricks. This ‘toaster’ is very heavy and lethal if used on the proper way.” But she suddenly thought of something, “But were you not waiting for someone?”

He smiled at the thought, “Yeah, have been for over a hour. But what can I say, it’s his own fault that I won’t be around if he decides to show up now.” He nodded smiling towards the dark, shadowy left end of the street, “That’s a good way to starting to go to the salvage yard.”

She only stood and looked cluelessly on him.

He smiled inside, ‘She must really be a tourist. She looks like if she’d get lost walking to the other side of the street.’ He looked to the left again and said “Are you coming or not.” He began to walk.

“Wait for me.” She walked fast to him and then walked silently with him.


“So, where are you from?” He asked curiously while walking.

“Sweden, small country.” she said quietly.

He thought. “Never heard of it. What’s the population?”

“Eh, about 9 million.” she answered becoming nervous.

“Not little but not much either.” he said smiling. He was about to say something when he thought of something. He realized that he didn’t know what her name was. “Excuse me but what did you say your name was again?”

She grinned, “We never introduced ourselves.”

“Oh,. My name’s Zed but my friends call me Zee.” He said waiting for her to say her name.

“My name’s,.. it is…” she looked on him worried. ” My friends call me D.J.” She felt strange saying that out loud since the only times she usually used that was in chatrooms, and she very seldom was in chatrooms. All her few friends used to call her De.

Zed grinned “Is your nickname DJ?” He thought that it seemed to be a strange nickname to someone who seemed so… so not like that nickname.

D.J. said seriously. “Kind of. It is spelled Dee dot Jay dot.”

Zed grinned but a bit less that before. Sounded like initials. Initials as nickname are less interesting. “D.J. . Are those your initials?”

“Almost,.. yes.” She looked even more seriously and almost a bit sad.

Zed stopped walking. “Whydya wanna go to the salvage yard?” he asked curiously.

D.J. smiled nervously but continued to walk, “Eh, mm… Long story.”

Zed looked on her while starting to walk again. “Why don’t you tell me?”

D.J. got a tired, defensive look on her face. “Don’t want to.”

“OK.” Zed noticed where they where and stopped. “If we’ll follow this road straight ahead, we’ll arrive directly at the salvage yard.”

“Straight ahead you said?” D.J. thought. “I can… will go by myself to there.”

Zed started to say, “But..”

“No, buts!” She got a very determined look on her face, “I will go alone!” But then her face softened and she smiled kindly and thankfully, “But thank you for your kindness to show me the way when you probably have much better things to do.”

“No prob’.” he said. “OK, bye. Maybe, we’ll see each other later…”

She grinned. “Yes, maybe later.”

Zed started disappointedly to walk back. He had wanted to find out more about that strange kat. But she would probably be there tomorrow since it was so late… Yeah, he’d go there tomorrow.

D.J. looked on him walking away but then started walking towards the salvage yard.


By now it was dark and probably soon midnight and D.J. was very tired. She knocked on the door four times. After a while the door opened. It was a not tall, medium built, tired, caramel colored kat, standing surprised, who had opened it. “What can I do for you?” Jake asked watching the female while trying to determine why she was here.  She looked very odd.

“Don’t really know. But could ya please let me sleep here tonight?” D.J. asked tiredly. “I don’t have any other place to go.”

He looked very stunned. “Um.. I don’t think that..”

“Hey! Come on! Please…” She begged half a sleep in a whiny tone. “I haven’t eaten since yesterday! Or actually less but maybe still more! And I’ve walked through a piece of the desert and the Megakat City to get here! I know that you’ve got much bigger problems and that you deserve your rest but I didn’t exactly feel like going here! I just ended up here! …I’m so tired…” D.J. almost fell asleep standing up and almost dropping the device which she had been carrying all day in the process.

The caramel-colored kat tried to think of something to say. This was getting weirder and weirder. First that villain helped them against his friend and now this? “Eh..”

“Nevermind. You don’t have to care.” D.J. said almost in trance. She sat down on the ground leaning to the wall. She fell asleep right away…

The caramel-colored kat was very stunned. He turned inwards to the house and stood there for a while shocked because of what had just happened, he yelled “Chance, you gotto come and see this.”

“What? Wait.” Chance’s voice was heard weakly because of the distance. After a couple of secs, Chance walked to the door looking on Jake as if to ask what it was that he should see. Then he spotted D.J. heavily asleep, sitting on the ground, leaning back to the wall. “That’s scary. It almost looks as if she’s dead.” He looked worried at his partner who only kept watching her. “Who is she Jake?” he asked surprised.

“I dunno. She came here and said something about that she had walked through the desert or something. And she asked if she could sleep here…” Jake wrinkled his forehead.

“Who’d wanna sleep out here?” Chance asked, not believing him.

Jake became startled ,” No, not out here, inside. But I think that we’d better take her in.”

“Agree with you on that one buddy. But where should we put here? On the couch?” Chance said remembering that he had been watching a Scaredy Kat marathon and hoped that he soon could return to watching it.

“Yeah right, with those chips all over it.” Jake said accusingly. Chance had eaten chips while watching Scaredy Kat earlier and when he laughed at that Scaredy Kat had been blown up of a bomb given to him by a beautiful she-kat, he accidentally dropped everything.

“Hey! I cleaned most of it up!” Chance said angrily.

Jake suddenly thought of something. “For how long will this Scaredy Kat marathon last?”

“Well, 38 hours since it’s an all episodes marathon but there’s only 18 hours left.” Chance said with a gleam in his eyes.

“38 hours! How the hell can you stand it!” Jake said shocked. He suddenly realized something “So that’s why you’ve left the most of the work today to me and mysteriously disappeared.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Chance simply said.

Jake looked at the snoozing female at the ground while talking to Chance “Then I don’t think that you’d mind her sleeping in your bed tonight.”

“Eh, are there any other options?” Chance said. He looked towards the living-room, hoping that he’d be able go back to watching before he missed too much of the marathon.

Jake knew what Chance would rather do. “Not if you want to watch as much as you could of that Scaredy Kat marathon.”

“OK.” Chance said turning around starting to walk towards the TV.

“Chance! Where do you think that you’re going. You gotto help me with her.” Jake said before Chance had gone in.

“Eh. Sure.” Chance said.

They put her in Chance’s room and didn’t notice the device outside. Jake went to bed. Chance continued to watch on the Scaredy Kat marathon.

…………..TO BE CONTINUED………………………….

Authors note: Oops... Zed. didn't think on that it was that
   eh.. Zed's name until now when I've read through the story
   for the 50th time.
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	| Send flames, comments, and everything else to: |
	|      the_shadow_003@geocities.com              |
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 [ Author's note:                                    ]
 [ ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯                                     ]
 [   Cool.                                           ]
 [ this is the first ‘to be continued’ - story       ]
 [ I've written.                                     ]
 [  I'm still working on the other SK fanfics.       ]
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 [ info about my D.J.s name:                         ]
 [ ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯                         ]
 [  I've kinda named D.J. after "my name".           ]
 [  Had nothing better to do.                        ]
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    |         www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/7064/       |
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