Original SWAT Kats Story

OK, Chance, What Were You Sniffing NOW?

By BlackRazor & Nicole Kitty

  • 1 Chapter
  • 1,824 Words

What happens when Chance/T-Bone sniffs the TurboKat’s fumes.

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Today was an ordinary day for Chance and Jake, the usual, Chance watched Scaredy Kat, Callie brought in her car so it could be fixed.

“I’m going to give the TurboKat a visit,” declared Chance as if he was chickening out from fixing Callie’s car.

“Fine, make it short though,” Jake said in a motherly way.

Several hours passed and Chance STILL hadn’t come back. “Better go check on Chance, ” Jake noted as he descended down the ladder to the secret hanger. Jake almost had a seizure from what he saw: Chance was sticking his head in the engine of the TurboKat.

“CHANCE! WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?!”

“Why is the sky red and why is the grass purple?”

“Did you get high again?”

<Alarm goes off>

“SWAT Kats, I need your help.”

“Eat my dust, Commander,” Chance said with the ‘I could care less’ attitude

“WHAT?~!”

“NOT AGAIN !… OK , What was T-Bone sniffing NOW?” Catching on to what was happening.

“Razor , I thought you said T-Bone quit that habit.”

“T-Bone un..accidentally ..stuck his head in the engine…and .. uh got a high from it.”

“Frankly, I would feel safer if he was sniffing SCOTCHGAURD.”

“Ohhh!! Look at all other purdy jets flying around my head!”

“Umm….No” Responding to Callie’s query

“Ohh! Look at the RED LYNX, MY HERO!!”

“OK , Cut the crap and let’s go.”

“Crap? What Crap? I don’t know what you mean by CRAP. What’s Crap?”

“Oh Let’s Just Go,” Razor said slightly annoyed

“Go? Go where? I don’t ….”

“SHUT UP”

T-Bone tries to jump into the jet and misses while Razor makes it in safely.

“AAAEEEIII!!” <thud>

“Let’s Rock and Roll!” Chance yelled enthusiastically at the hanger wall

“God help us..”

Chance stares at the blank hanger wall and asks Razor “I don’t know about you but I don’t think I’m in the TurboKat.”

“You know , T-Bone , right now I’d feel safer flying with Dark Kat.”

“What’s wrong with the way I fly?”

“Ask the wall. NOW who’s the HOTSHOT?”

“Alas poor Yorick. I knew him Horatio.”

“Uh-oh , this is getting bad , And I thought his kat-naps were bad..”

“Camelot! Camelot! In far France I hear you call! Camelot! Camelot! To you alone I give my all! I know in my…”

“Camelot? This story has more twists and turns than Chubby Checker and a Blender.”

“Chubby Checker? Come on baby! Let’s Do Twist! Come on BAABAAAYY! Let’s DO THE TWIST! Twist and twist and twist until we tear the house down! EEEYAAAA!! And TWIST!!

“Bye , I’m flying this mission solo.”

Razor comes back to the hanger to find Chance still singing Chubby Checker’s ‘Do The Twist’

“Awww .. Did that crazy Razor hurt you?” T-Bone asked the jet as he kissed it.

“….”

“I can’t hear you..”

“….”

“That’s better…” T-Bone said as he patted the TurboKat like a loyal house-dog.

“CRAZY ME? Well look who’s talking Mr. ‘Let’s high off the TurboKat fumes’ !”

“High?! I was cleaning it ..um .. right I was cleaning it!”

“Right-o , with that snout of your nose?”

T-Bone slightly pissed throws a monkey wrench at the former Razor missing by about 10 feet.

“Wassa matter? Did the Mean ‘ol SWAT Kats run out of insults?”

“That’s IT! Come here you little..”

“SCOTCHGAURD away!”

>BAMF!< “WHhooo!!! Look at all da purdy culors!”

Several minuets passed as the SCOTCHGAURD wore off and Chance noticed his hunger.

“I’m hungry , you? …. No wait .. You’re always hungry” Jake queried and corrected himself.

“Let’s go grab lunch.”

“Fine by me.”

We all know that Jake is a decent cook (compared to Chance). There’s nothing better in the freezer than microwave-Speghetti.

“Hey , Jake this *spaghetti* needs some REAL flavor”

Jake with a wider-than-ever grin whipped out a bottle of Pepper Spray and doused the delicate Italino food.

“Hey!”

“Watza a matta monsiour? You no like spicey?” Jake asked in mock Italian accent.

Chance sniffing the living s*** out of a fuel can next to him gets instantly high again.

“Hello Callie! You look smashing today!” Chance said giving Jake a romantic look.

“Oi. Not again.”

Chance being the strong kat he is grabbed Jake and gave him several passionate kisses.

“Kissy kissy.”

“YEECCCHHHH!!!!”

Jake breaking free of Chance’s ‘loving care’ “YOU SICKO!”

“Why are you running away from me? Come back here you sexy…”

Chance grabbing Jake again gave him MORE passionate kisses.

“CHANCE!!! STOP!!”

Chance’s high wears off in the middle of an overly-large smooch.

“Jake! What are you doing! You Pervert!!”

Jake getting little more than pissed at Chance flipped him into a wall knocking it over. Now there was no barrier between the ‘kitchen’ and ‘TV room’. Chance on the other hand went crazy again.

“Oh! THERE you are Callie my sweet!”

“Oh God” Jake noted as he waited for his Kiss Of Death

Chance surprisingly ran right past Jake and started loving Callie’s not-yet-fixed car.

“Callie! You must come to bed with me!”

Just then Callie walked in spotted Chance giving her car ‘loving tender care’ then Jake rolling his eyes in the corner.

“Jake , is my …. car …. fixed?”

Knowing that Chance is a pretty strong kat , it came by no surprise that his ‘loving care’ tore out the driver-side door. Then oddly, started sweet-talking to it.

Jake coming up with a reasonable answer to Calle’s question : “No.”

“Jake? What’s wrong with Chance?”

“He seems to be high.”

“He *seems*? He *IS* high … Do you think he’ll ever ‘snap out of it’?”

“I sure hope so… or else I’ll get a new partner.”

Chance hearing that statement ‘woke’ up

“You will NOT get a new partner , only a new GIRL.” Chance retorted while grabbing Callie and taking her outside. Jake thinking he was doing a good deed set a romantic mood and made a romantic dinner : Spaghetti… but added REAL FLAVOR to Chance’s.

“Dinner is served” Jake announcing with fake Italian accent while Callie giggled at his antics.

Jake forgetting whose plate is whose unknowingly gives Chance’s REAL FLAVOR to Callie. Chance paying no attention whatsoever to his dinner just glamoured at Callie who just bit in to the meal.

<gasp!> “WATER!”

“Uh-oh” the two-some said simultaneously.

Chance being the smart kat he is sprays Callie with a good ‘ol garden hose.

“MY DRESS! , MY MAKEUP! , MY HAIR! , MY SPEECH FOR THE MAYOR’S NEW GOLF COURSE! .. RUINED!”

“My god…”

“Callie is sure pretty..”

“Chance , you A**.”

Callie looking pissed than ever glares at them and stomps out of the scrap-yard.

“Chance, get the hell away from me before I receive any further kisses.”

“What are you talking about?”

Chance not being able to solve anything without violence, blames the food disaster on Jake and throws the ‘italino’ food at Jake hitting Jake by pre luck.

“Yummy” Jake sarcastically retorted.

THIS got Jake pissed. He noticed a ripe watermelon next to him. Jake now had an enormous grin. He threw the watermelon with all of his might at Chance. It hit it’s target and got the implied result. The watermelon was helplessly lodged on the burly kat’s head.

“Hey Chance! You don’t need a helmet anymore! The watermelon will do you just right.”

Chance muffled by the watermelon : “But I can’t see OR Fly like this!!”

“What difference does it make? With your flying ability The watermelon will make you BETTER!”

“Where are you so I can beat your head in? Hey! Come back!! Gimme a hint! HEY!!”

Chance thought he could maneuver himself thru the Garage without bumping in to anything: He was wrong. The garage was suddenly filled with ‘Oomph!’s and ‘Ouch!’s and sounds of a slab of meat running into a wall. Meanwhile , Jake gets near the refrigerator and peers inside in search of something to hit Chance with. Ah! perfect! A sloppy joe! He grins and crouches waiting for the pray. Chance finds himself back in the disastrous kitchen. The next thing that was notices is that the sloppy joe sailed thru the air hit Chance’s feet and made him fall with a earthquake-like THUD.

“Aren’t you happy I put that watermelon on that LOVELY head of yours?”

“SHUT UP” Chance repeated as he vainly tried to free himself from the watermelon. Chance thinking there was no other way out , smashed his head into the wall… that accomplished nothing except knock himself out.

Chance wakes up on the couch with the watermelon STILL on his head, screamed at Jake :

“GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!!”

“Under one condition… Don’t snort the TurboKat’s fumes again!”

“OK… ”

“He never said anything about the Cyclotron” Chance whispered to himself

“Hey I heard that”

‘OK… PROMISE I WON’T SNIFF A SINGLE THING AGAIN!”

“Promise?”

‘JUST GET THIS DREADED THING OFF OF ME!!!”

“Shake on it..”

“OK..” <They shake paws>

“Now , how will we get this thing off…”

Chance sarcastically half-alarmed yelled “WHAT?? YOU DON’T *KNOW*?!”

With much effort the watermelon came off with a sound much like a cork being removed.

Callie walks in to apologize for exploding in rage during the ‘dinner’ and witnessed the worst disaster area ever to be achieved in MegaKat City.

“Oh , My God…”

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