Original SWAT Kats Story

Beach Umbrella, Away!

By BlackRazor

  • 1 Chapter
  • 1,159 Words

What happens when the TurboKat runs out of arms to use against Dark Kat.

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“Come on, Razor, get him!” T-Bone yelled at his partner as he vainly tried to shoot Dark Kat’s ship down.

“OK, I got a lock,” Razor confirmed, which was then followed by a “Shit! We’re out of missiles!”

“Use something else!”

“If I HAD something else, I’d USE IT, Stupid-shit! We have to go back to the hanger and reload!”

“Damn, guess that’s our next stop..”

“Keep Dark Kat busy while we reload, can you do that?” Razor asked the (terrible) Enforcers.

“Uhh….sure,” a nervous Enforcer replied.


Dark Kat: “Ha ha ha, look at those INFERIOR SWAT Kats leave! Now I can take out the city!”

— Back at hanger —

“Hey, T-Bone, bad news: we don’t have Jack Shit here, either.”

“What?! No Missiles?!”


“Hurry! Make some!”

“I don’t have TIME, T-Bone.”

“Aw…Man! What are we going to do NOW?”

“I don’t know… Hey what’s this?” Razor said as he eyed the junk lying around.


“Ha ha ha! It’s no use Enforcers! My shields won’t let any of your pencils… Oh, I’m sorry, MISSILES through!”

—Back at Hanger—

Razor finding nothing better to throw at Dark Kat loaded the TurboKat with various junk: TVs, Beds, Desks, Chairs, etc.

“Are you SURE this is going to work?” T-Bone asked.

“When did my plans NOT work?”

“Well….your Dimensional RADAR wound us up in the Teletubbies dimen…”

“Never mind,” Razor interrupted.

The two continued to load the TurboKat until Razor finally announced “OK, that should be enough.”

— Meanwhile —

Dark Kat and the Enforcers were still bitterly fighting when the TurboKat appeared on the scene.

“It’s no use SWAT Kats! You’re too late!” Dark Kat’s voice came out of the radio.

“I think I’ve found a blind spot in Dark Kat’s shields..,” Razor said.

“It better work…”

“Beach Umbrella deployed!”

Dark Kat found an unfolded Beach Umbrella flying toward him, going through the shields and got lodged on the windshield.

“Ah! Can’t see!….Kreeplings! turn on the windshield wipers,” Dark Kat screamed. The Kreeplings chittered in response.

“Blast! I forgot to install those!” Dark Kat cursed as he saw empty sockets move back and forth.

Dark Kat’s Ship was now flying erratically, almost dangerously. The SWAT Kats were now madly laughing as the ship almost hit Feral’s chopper.

“Hey, T-Bone, I wonder how Dark Kat would like to be on TV..,” Razor asked as he launched a TV at Dark Kat and shot a Bed for good measure.

Dark Kat was now struggling to regain control of his ship until an RCA 27″ TV went through the windshield hitting Dark Kat squarely in the chest making him fall backward. Lucky for Dark Kat, there were several Kreeplings to cushion his fall.

“Damn those SWAT Kats,” Dark Kat cursed as he peeled a flattened Kreepling off his butt.

T-Bone and Razor seeing Dark Kat flatten several of his companions laughed even harder.

Dark Kat was now enraged. He reached for the bomb’s control panel about to drop the bomb but…The console felt somewhat different. It was soft and cushiony rather than filled with buttons & switches. He realized that it wasn’t the bomb console that we felt… It was a Bed that crushed his bomb console. Dark Kat kicked the bed off of his console making it flatten more of his Kreeplings. His bomb console was in ruins… Wires and boards spewed out of its casing. He couldn’t drop the bomb any more from it.

“Kreeplings! Drop the bomb by cutting the cable!” …Silence… “Kreeplings?” Dark Kat found that the SWAT Kats and he had flattened all of his Kreeplings.

“Grrrr….,” Dark Kat growled… He’d have to drop the bomb manually… by cutting the cables that was suspending it. Dark Kat opened the bomb bay door and hopped on top of the bomb. Then, started cutting the cable.

“Hey, Razor! He’s cutting the bomb’s rope! Do something!”

Razor panicking launched a Sofa at Dark Kat.

“Sofa, Away!”

Dark Kat cut all of the ropes and was at the last one until a red sofa smashed into his face, making him lose his balance, sending him toppling off the Bomb and straight into Enforcer Headquarters.

“Alright!” T-Bone happily yelled.

Feral seeing that he was no use, returned to Enforcer Headquarters. He landed his chopper on a heli-pad the same instant Dark Kat landed on a heli-pad next to him.

“I’m taking you in criminal scum….OOOooooff!” Feral said with pride then struggled as he wretched a sofa off of himself that landed on him.

“Good aim Razor, two birds in one,” T-Bone commented as Feral was hurling obscenities at the SWAT Kats.

T-Bone & Razor were celebrating the arrest of Dark Kat until a loud explosion was heard, coming from Dark Kat’s ship, which had made a crash landing in the Mayor’s new Golf Course leaving a 15-foot deep trench several kilometers long.

“Let’s get out of here!” the two heroes said and took off toward their hanger as Feral was hurling MORE obscenities until his face turned red. Making him the laughing-stock of the day and weeks to come.


“Hey, Jake, see if the SWAT Kats made the news today.”



“Ann Gora, Katseye News, Commander Feral, what do you have to say about today’s happenings?”

“Ann, Dark Kat showed up with a plan to nuke the city. I was about to take him out when the SWAT KATS showed up.” He said the last sentence with pride. “And littered the city with TVs, Desks, and Chairs, taking down Dark Kat in the process. Not to mention what they did to the Mayor’s new Golf Course. They DELIBERATELY drove Dark Kat’s ship into it……”

<audible explosion> <Chance’s face turning red in rage>

Jake looked at smoking remains of TV.

“Chance, couldn’t you at LEAST mute it?”

“Well, I would’ve if Mr. Let’s-Put-The-Latest-Technology-In-Every-Household- Appliance hadn’t made the remote control SO COMPLICATED.”

Jake looked at remote control. “You have a point.”

1 comment on “Beach Umbrella, Away!”

  1. rachael thomson says:

    Thats hilarious

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