Original SWAT Kats Story

Of Brains and Buffoons

By Bill Hiers

  • 2 Chapters
  • 5,307 Words

A tale of a big bloodsucking monster.

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Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

MegaKat City. Full of hustle and bustle every second in a minute, every minute in a hour, every hour in a day, and so forth. However, all was quiet in the dark recesses of the old Tuna Factory. That is, all was quiet until a hunched figure moved from the shadows, babbling madly to himself.

“Thossssssse curssed SSSswat Katssss!” Dr. Viper growled as he slithered into the old manager’s office. “Once again they have thwarted my plansss!”

The old office had been converted to a lab, where Viper was currently working on something new. He had tried many a day to crush the city’s defenders with super-strong mutants. But now, he was going to use something he considered more useful.

Viper stood hunched over his workbench, which was littered with test tubes, beakers and flasks. He picked up a vial of bubbling chemicals, then strolled over to what looked like a giant beaker sitting in the corner. He climbed a stepladder to the top , which was open. he poured some of the chemicals into the giant vat. The liquids inside smoked and bubbled. Using his prehensile tail , Viper grabbed another jar, this one containing a brown , slimy leech. He dumped the leech into the vat. As a grand finale, he took a measuring flask from his labcoat pocket. A label on the flask read “Home made”.

“Yesssssss!” he hissed with glee.  “One more addition to my brew!” He ripped out the stopper with his teeth and began pouring his formula in. “Jussst a few more dropss and……..whoopsss!” he cried

The flask slipped from his hands and splashed into the vat. It sank, and the chemicals mixed and boiled.

“Oh well, no harm done,” he mused.

Much to his surprise, however, there was harm to be done. For in the vat, the leech was mutating faster than normal.

“At lassssst! Thossse meddlesssssome katsss will fear the name Viper……….FOREVER!!!!” He cackled evilly as he stepped down from the ladder.


ACTUAL STORY ::Wink wink::

A few days later, at City Hall, Mayor Manx sat at his huge desk, half asleep.He awoke with a jump when his office door opened. Deputy Mayor Briggs came, a stack of papers with her. She dumped the paperwork on the mayor’s desk.

“There are the forms you told me to go over,” she said.

“Very good , Miss Briggs.”  He put on his reading glasses and looked them over.

The phone rang. Callie answered it.

“Hello?” she said.

“Hello , my sssweet!” said a voice on the other end.

“Who is this?” Callie asked , glancing over at Manx, who had fallen asleep again.

“Oh , jusssst your everyday mad doctor making a phone threat!” Viper hissed.

“What do you want?”

“I want the Ssssswat Katssss to meet me at the old Tuna factory at noon today!” he growled. “Or else, my mutantsssss will wreck this city to rubble!” He hung up.

Callie reached for her communicator. This was DEFINITELY a job for the Swat Kats.


In the old factory , Dr. Viper put his “borrowed” cell phone back into his pocket.

“Thosse sssstupid katss will have their brainssss sucked dry by my braineater!” he cackled.  “wonder how my beautiful mutation isssssssss doing?”

He walked into the lab. Much to his surprise , the huge glass vat was shattered into several large and small peices. The chemicals were everywhere. He stepped more cautiously now. Suddenly , he heard what sounded like someone sucking on a lollipop. The sound came from behind him!

Viper whirled around to confront the biggest, slimiest leech ever. It was covered head to whatever in slime and goo. It had a suction-cup mouth , and tentacles protruding from its sides.

“What a ssssstupendous creature!” Viper snarled . He jumped for joy. Up until now , the leech hadn’t seen Viper. All this cheering and dancing with glee made it turn around.

“Ssssssshhhhhhcccccuuuuiiiiccck!” was all it said.

“Yessssssss! You will eat the brains of that bothersome Manx!” Viper plotted.

He never saw the leech creep up closer. Closer, till it was right in front of him.

Dr. Viper looked up. He was puzzled as to why it was looking down at him so strangely.

“What do you want?” he asked it calmly.

In response, the huge creature bellowed angrily, then lashed out at Viper. The sinister scientist jumped back , avoiding the beast’s snapping “jaws”.

“How dare you attack me!?” he shrieked.

The leech only advanced further, until it had Viper cornered. He swung his powerful tail. But the leech blocked his blows with its tentacles. Without warning, the monster wrapped a tentacle around Viper’s waist. Then, 2 more around his arms, then his legs and tail . He screamed as loud as possible as the giant leech began sucking his brain out.

“Yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!”


At the same time, the TurboKat landed outside the factory. T-bone and Razor hopped out. They stared for a moment at the creepy building. Even in daylight , it seemed spooky. Vines , both dead and living , gripped the building like the tentacles of some sea monster. Most windows were boarded up.

“Wow,” said Razor.  “This looks like something on the Twilight Zone!”

“No arguments here,” agreed T-bone. “So, whaddaya think ol’ snake face has up his sleeve this time?”

“Like always, T-bone, Viper is full of surprises.”

Suddenly, a bone chilling scream was heard . Both kats jumped.

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahh!” it wailed. It sounded as if someone was being tortured.

“What was that?” asked Razor.

“Well,” said his friend.  “Only one way to find out!”

They mustered up their courage and ran inside the factory.

Once inside, they noticed that the screaming had stopped. All was quiet.

“Well, where is Viper?” ventured T-bone.  “I thought he said he was gonna maul us with some new mutant.”

“Maybe it was a trick!” said Razor angrily.

His accusations were set straight by a loud crash. First there was a thud, then a shatter of glass

“It came from up there!” pointed T-bone.  “The old manager’s office!”

They raced up the stairs . The office was somewhere in a maze of cubicles and desks. Finally, they saw the right door. It was slightly open. A sound came from within that made T-bone and Razor’s fur stand up and flesh crawl. It was a gross sucking sound.

“Well, now or never,” whispered Razor.

T-bone kicked the door open.

What they saw next would give them nightmares for a week or more.

Before them stood an 8 foot tall, slime covered leech, complete with octopus like tentacles. Much more to their surprise, was the fact that several of its tentacles were wrapped around an squirming Dr. Viper. Worse, it had Viper’s whole head in its mouth! It was either eating him, or just trying to suck his face off.

“Hey ugly!” taunted Razor

The leech spat out Viper and looked at them.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Razor went on, “I’m talkin’ ta you , bucko!”

The leech gave an angry bellow, then decided to return to its brain sucking duty. Just as it was about to finish Viper off, T-bone threw a book at it. The book smacked it in the head.

“Drop that psycho, you psycho!” he ordered.

The leech didn’t exactly drop Dr . Viper.  Instead, he hurled the unconscious mutant at the Swat Kats.

“Incoming!” shouted Razor as he dodged Viper’s now airborne body.

Viper flew out the open door and into the hall.

T-bone got to his feet , growling.  “That wasn’t very nice!” he grumbled. he launched himself at the huge monster and tackled it, throwing it to the floor.

“Gotcha!” he cried victoriously . But he forgot its tentacles. Within seconds, T-bone was being strangled by the giant tentacles. The leech opened its toothy mouth and prepared to feast on T-bone’s brain. Razor jumped it from behind, staying out of reach of its tentacles. It dropped T-bone, who stomped on its “foot”.

“YYYYEEEEOOOOWWWRRR!!” it screamed. It fell over, nearly crushing Razor, who rolled out of the way.

The monster got back to its “feet”, and lashed out at them. One tentacle snagged Razor’s foot.

“Hey! A little help here!” he gasped as he was dragged towards the beast. “Oh , why didn’t I fix the Glovatrixes!?” groaned T-bone.

Thinking quickly , he grabbed a beaker of something off of Viper’s worktable. He threw the glass piece at the big bug.

“Catch!” he shouted The beaker hit the creature’s head and spilled its contents all over the monster, who immediately dropped Razor to the floor. Getting to his feet in a flash Razor backed up from the giant creature. It was going crazy , flailing its tentacles this way and that. It grabbed up the worktable , spilling the apparatus everywhere. Without a moments hesitation , it hurl the table at the Swat Kats.

“Yikes!” cried T-bone as he and Razor dodged. T

he table crashed through the back wall, causing the ceiling to buckle and start to cave in.  A chunk of wall fell on top of the giant leech, sending it to the floor.

“This place is gonna cave in!” cried Razor.

“Tell me something I don’t know!” shouted T-bone as they ran for the door.

On the way, Razor spotted Dr. Viper, who was lying on the floor.

“What about him!?” he asked , pointing at Viper.

“Grab him and let’s go! This place is crumbling faster than Grandma’s cheesecake!”

Razor grabbed Viper by his coat collar and dragged him after them , while the room continued to disintegrate.

Once outside , they hit the dirt as the entire building collapsed. T-bone groggily got to his feet. Viper , still out cold , lay beside him. Razor was nowhere to be seen.

“Razor!” he called out “Razor , where are ya , buddy!?” “Right here” moaned Razor. He pushed aside a big hunk metal and stood up. “What a ride that was” T-bone said , his voice full of sarcasm “Can we do it again , mom?” joked his friend

Unbeknownst to the 2 heroes , a large piece of crumbled wall was shoved aside , and the leech monster slithered out just as the TurboKat took to the sky. Ignoring its screeching enjines , the leech headed off into the wild blue yonder in search of more brains to suck out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night , after dropping the seemingly braindead Dr. Viper off at the city hospital, T-bone and Razor returned home and once again became mild mannered mechanics Jake and Chance.  As they sat down to watch TV , they couldn’t help thinking about what had happened that day.

“I say we go back and make sure it’s dead,” said Jake.

“And, I say we watch TV,” Chance said turning the tube on.

When the screen came on, Ann Gora, reporter type person , was the first thing to be seen. She stood in front of the wrecked Tuna Factory.

“This is Ann Gora of Katseye news, live at the scene of what appears to be a bombing,” she said. “Eyewitnesses recalled seeing the Swat Kats land here, go in, then come running out with an unknown prisoner, most likily the bomber.”

In the background, Commander Feral was bossing some of his Enforcer soldiers around. Ann Gora walked up and literally thrust the mike in his face. He let out a startled yelp, but quickly recovered.

“Commander Feral,” began the reporter ” Can you tell us what exactly happened here?”

“Well, Ann, it’s safe to say no one was injured and details are still sketchy, ” said the uptight officer. “We DO know someone made a call to the Mayor’s office and had the Swat Kats meet him or her here today.”

“And, who made the call?” asked Ann.

“Well, it was most likely that fiendish fiend, Dr. Viper.”

The screen changed to show a mugshot of Viper, clearly taken a long time ago.  Then it changed back.

“Also, we know that Viper was dropped off at the local hospital with unknown ailments,” finished Feral.

“Thank you, Commander.” Ann turned back to camera.  “This is Ann Gora , signing off.”

Jake turned off the TV.

“Yak yak yak,” he said.  “Time for bed”


Meanwhile , on the other side of town , telephone line repairmen were on their night shift. There were 4 in all, but 3 of them were on break while the 4th was repairing their damaged truck

“Boy, is it creepy at night!” said one.

“Yeah,” agreed a 2nd.

“Both of ya shut yer yap before I shut it fer ya!” said the largest.

They obeyed and went on eating their donuts. The 4th one was suddenly aware of something in the bushes. He shone his flashlight at whatever it was he saw. Nothing.

“Just my imagination,” he said to himself. Suddenly, he heard slurping sounds behind him. He spun around. In the beam of his flashlight he saw the slime dripping, brain sucking leech!

“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!” he yelled as it grabbed him in its fearsome tentacles.

The others heard his cries and came running, only to be caught off guard by the still hungry leech. It wrapped its tentacles around one worker, then feasted on his brains. The remaining 2 were petrified. The bossy one who told his buddies to keep quiet suddenly turned brave.

“Sam!” he cried.  “Run fer it , boy!”

“Don’t need to tell me twice!”  Sam took off down the road.

The big, bossy kat turned and faced the braineater.

“All right, you brainsuckin’ freak! C’mon and get me! C’mon!” he taunted.

Famous last words. Before he knew it, his brain was on a 1 way ticket to the leech’s dinner menu

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” was all he said as the leech reached out at him.


The next day , Chance and Jake were woken up by the beeping of their communicator.

Chance ran to answer it.  “You’d think she could wait ’till we’d had breakfast!” he grumbled.

He turned on the screen, which showed Callie looking very upset.

“Yes , Miss Briggs?” Chance said sleepily.

“Swat Kats” she began, “we have news on the “Leech” incident last night.”

“Well?” said Chance.

“It’s hard to put into words.  Meet me at the hospital this afternoon.”

“Sure , whatever you say.”

Thus, the Swat Kats arrived at the hospital that afternoon. Callie escorted them to the psychiatric ward. In this ward were kept MegaKat city’s most looniest of people. They arrived at cell 2B. Through the small window on the door , T-bone and Razor were able to glimpse Dr. Viper, who was not only in a straitjacket, but also tied down to his bed. He twitched nervously, but otherwise stared off into space.

“So, they finally put Viper in the loony bin, huh?” joked T-bone.

“Yes, but not because of his previous criminal acts,” said Callie.

“Then why?”

“I’ll show you.”

She gave them some pictures.  “Theses are x-rays of Viper’s head” she informed.

“Hey, wait a sec!” gasped Razor. “What’s missing?”

“I’d say the left half of his brain,” said T-bone.

“But, how is that possible?”

“Well , wasn’t that huge worm thing sucking on his head?”

“It was.”

“There’s more,” interrupted Callie.

“Oh, joy of joys! More stuff to deal with.”

“Shut up, Razor. What else is there, Miss Briggs?”

“Commander Feral searched the entire wreck of that factory last night.  There was proof of this “Leech” like slime and other gross things.”

“Tell me about it,” moaned Razor.

“But, the creature was nowhere to be found.”

“Great , it lives!”

As if reacting to T-bone’s little gag , Viper somehow broke his straitjacket and straps. He then charged the cell door like a mad bull, ramming into it.

“Holy cow!” cried Razor in surprise.

“I want out!” screeched the insane Viper ” Outoutoutout!”

He banged furiously on the door, then rammed it again. This time, it buckled and flew off its hinges. Dr. Viper leapt out, spitting and snarling.

“Whoa mama!” said T-bone, looking Viper over.

He was foaming at the mouth and had his claws out.

2 hospital attendants in white coats rushed at mad madman. One tackled him , but was thrown off in a flash. The other prepared a syringe of sedatives while T-bone tried talking Viper down.

“Can we talk this over?” he asked calmly.  “Easy, boy, easy.”

“I’ll show you eassssssssy!” hissed Viper, who swung his powerful tail.

T- bone was hit in the chest and sent across the room.  “Bad dog!” he said as he groggily stood up.

“Ya mean MAD dog!” corrected Razor.

The 2nd attendant tackled Viper and pushed the needle into his arm. Viper stopped struggling and keeled over. A 3rd attendant came and helped drag the sleeping scientist back into his cell.

“Man, what an adventure that was!” groaned T-bone, who was rubbing his sore chest.


Later that evening , a guard was on patrol in the hospital. As he walked through the psychiatric ward, he noticed that cell 2A , where Viper was moved to while the door of 2B was fixed, was wide open. He ran to the cell and looked inside. Suddenly, he was konked over the head with janitor’s broom. He fell onto the cell floor.

Dr. Viper threw down the broom and grabbed the guard’s keys. After locking the cell door, Viper ran down to the patient property closet and retrieved his belongings.

“Thosssse Ssssswat Katsssss will pay!” he growled as he slipped on his labcoat. “But, firssssst, I’ll get rid of the beasssst that ate my brain!”


Jake shook Chance awake.  “Wake up!” he yelled in Chance’s ear.

“What is it?” the other said sleepily.

“I just got a call from Miss Briggs.  Viper broke out of his cell last night!”

Chance sat bolt upright  “He what!”

“He stole a guard’s keys, got his stuff and just walked out.”

“Talk about a hit and run!”

They suited up, then hopped into the TurboKat.. It soared into the air, making a deafening screech as it went.

After not seeing anything from the air, they decided to track Viper on foot, which was a lot easier in the city’s outskirts. They landed the plane and set off after the escaped psychopath.

After awhile, there was no trace of Viper . However, they weren’t without clues.


T-bone peered through the bushes. Up ahead he saw the road.

“Come on,” he said to Razor.  “The road’s up ahead.  Maybe we’ll find something there.”

As they neared the road, both saw what looked like a truck parked up against a telephone pole. On the truck’s doors was a sign that read “MegaKat Phonelines”, and, as they soon saw, the hood was popped as if someone had been working on the engine. Around back, Razor and T-bone found something they didn’t like one bit.

“This is too gross!” gagged T-bone

They stared down at the remains of 2 telephone line repairmen. They were dead, covered with green slime. Also, their heads were cracked and the brains gone.

“Looks like our big bug boy hit this place real good!” said Razor.

“Look!” shouted T-bone.  “Tracks.”

Razor followed T-bone’s gaze. Indeed, there were tracks only a giant leech could make.

Razor knelt down to inspect the tracks.  “These aren’t fresh,” he said.

“Neither are they,” said his friend, who gestured towards the 2 repairmen. “Well , let’s see where they go.”

As they headed off in search of the monster leech, the escaped Viper peered through the bushes, a SuperSoaker water gun in his hand.

“Yessssssss, lead me to the abomination!” he hissed. He patted his water gun.


To be continued , hopefully

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