“Take that! And that! And that, you Katty Fly Burglar, you!” shouted Captain Draughts as he put another villain to justice.
Chance turned to his partner and said, “Isn’t that a glorious feeling, Jake? Putting a villain behind bars!”
“Yeah,” said Jake. “But it’s only a show. We get to do it for real.”
The two turned back to the TV as the narrator concluded, “Foiled again by the great Captain Draughts!”
Draughts popped up on the screen as the credits began to roll and echoed, “So long until next time, my loyal TV fans!” He zoomed off in a burst of green and yellow.
Chance hit the MUTE button. “So, Jake, is this a show you’re watching just because Litterbin’s in the off-season?”
“That’s partially true, Chance. I’ve been watching this cartoon in response, really, to you watching Scaredy-Kat. I mean, it’s the
cartoon I watch, so we’re even.”
“I see. I just watch Scaredy-Kat for the laughs, though. Even if they’re reruns, I still laugh.” Chance suddenly perked up. “Uh-oh! News flash!” he exclaimed. He hit the MUTE button again to turn the sound back on.
“This is Ann Gora for Kat’s Eye News. For those of you who watch the cartoon ‘Captain Draughts,’ you probably are aware of the fact that his enemy is the Katty Fly Burglar. Well, there’s been reports of a real Katty Fly Burglar, whom most of the katizens of Megakat City are assuming is someone else in disguise. It can’t be Dark Kat because he’s got purple skin and is taking a life sentence. The Pastmaster’s dead, Madkat’s spirit is in hell, and Dr. Viper is doing time. So, this has to be a brand new villain if it isn’t actually one of those. Our switchboards, in the meantime, have been deluged with calls demanding that if the SWAT Kats aren’t already on the case, then Captain Draughts should actually go out and capture the real Katty Fly Burglar after his threats to steal the terribly expensive sapphire jewel collection of Deputy Mayor Callie Briggs.” She continued to
give updates on the situation while interviewing Callie.
“What do you say, partner?” Chance smiled. “Shall we go kick some tail?”
“Oh, absolutely!” Jake replied.
The two turned the TV off, ran to the locker room, and in seconds had transformed into T-Bone and Razor, the SWAT Kats. They jumped in the Turbokat and blasted off towards the sky.
Commander Feral, Lt. Felina Feral, and the Sergeant, in the meantime, had pulled up towards Callie’s home at the same time the SWAT Kats got there. But, having settled his differences between him and them, Feral was happy for once. “So, you two also got the message?” he asked.
“We saw Callie be interviewed on TV, and, see, she still is,” Razor replied, looking up and seeing Al in the Kat’s Eye News helicopter, doing his duties.
When the interview was finished, Callie ran over to where the SWAT Kats were. “I’m so glad you made it so fast,” she began. “I am just trying not to panic at this point.”
“Neither are we,” said the Sergeant. “We got word from the TV news crew that some citizens are demanding that Captain Draughts actually go after the Katty Fly Burglar. If only they could see the light and see he’s not for real.”
“That’s why we’re here.” T-Bone smiled. “Where is this burglar exactly?”
“There he is, climbing up the wall,” Callie replied, pointing to where the burglar was going. “It’s one of his specialties. Of course, I don’t want my sapphire collection to be stolen, but considering this is a stereotypical burglar, I’m not going to panic.”
“Let’s do it!” Razor shouted, and all six cats ran inside, followed by the Kat’s Eye News Three (Ann, Al, and Jonny K.).
When they got to the room, they caught the burglar in the act.
“Now the safe containing the jewels should be behind the painting. It always is!” he chuckled to himself, sliding a Leonardo painting and finding the safe. Cracking the code, he pulled out the very jewels Callie was concerned about. “Come to me, my terribly expensive sapphire!” he smiled.
“You mean my terribly expensive sapphire!” Callie grunted back. “I am Deputy Mayor Calico Briggs, and I resent your stealing crimes!”
“I am the Katty Fly Burglar, and I don’t care what you think!” the burglar shot back at Callie.
“And, we are the mighty SWAT Kats, here to save the day!” Razor added, seeing as how this was turning into a comical event.
“Figures!” all three Enforcer officers exclaimed in distressed chorus.
The burglar continued all his antics until a shooting match emerged. Several of his weapons made their presence known, while T-Bone and Razor fired back with their gloveatrixes. It was like a Civil War battle. The Enforcer officers added to the fight with their weapons while Callie and the news staffers took cover. All went well until Callie’s expensive chandelier came crashing down, taking the burglar with it.
“Uh-oh!” Commander Feral exclaimed. “I pulled a lulu of a boo-boo!”
“It’s all right, Commander.” Callie began to show compassion. “I kept a spare chandelier for just such an occasion.” She buzzed for the chandelier company to bring in and install the spare one. “But, that was crucial. There goes my sapphire collection.” She pointed to where the burglar was, taking the sapphires with him.
“And now, it’s MY terribly expensive sapphire collection,” he laughed to himself, climbing up another building.
What the burglar didn’t count on was how quickly the heroes could move. Within seconds, the SWAT Kats were back in the Turbokat, with Callie coming along for the ride in an Enforcer chopper.
“Get ready, buddy,” T-Bone announced. “I’m about to steer the jet towards him.”
“Ready, T-Bone,” Razor replied. “Fly swatter missiles, deploy!”
A missile launched from outside the Turbokat’s weapons area and quickly changed to a fly swatter that proceeded to swat the burglar. Like a dead fly, he fell to the ground. When our heroes made their presence known to where the burglar was, Callie reclaimed her sapphires.
“Thank you all again,” she smiled. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Just doing our duty, Miss Briggs,” said T-Bone.
He and Razor proceeded to give a salute.
Commander Feral and the Sergeant saluted back, then turned towards the burglar.
“Sergeant, unmask this Katty Fly Burglar on the double!” Commander Feral ordered.
“Yes, sir!” said the Sergeant. He grabbed the face that was covering the burglar’s true identity and pulled it off, only to reveal the shock of his nine lives. “Well!” he exclaimed. “If it isn’t old Johnny Hemmingway himself, the twin brother of Gerald Hemmingway, whom we all know as Hard Drive! And, as you all know…” — (the news was broadcasting live at this point) — “Hard Drive is working for us Enforcers now.”
“Ah, yes,” Feral nodded. “Hemmingway is wanted in 25 states across America, and we’ve got him at last!”
“And, I would’ve gotten away with it if you hadn’t interfered!” Hemmingway snarled. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you to mind your own business?” He was directing this remark towards the SWAT Kats, of course.
“Yes, but in this case, it’s police business,” T-Bone snarled back. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that crime doesn’t pay?”
“Actually, it doesn’t pay well, but it pays a little bit, and you get stock options!” Hemmingway replied, trying to make a joke.
“Well, your stocks are about to suffer a great depression!” Felina announced. “I’m taking you into the slammer!” She handcuffed Hemmingway and made him get into the squad car that Feral was famous for driving.
He and the Sergeant got into the car as well and drove back to Enforcer H.Q.
Meanwhile, the SWAT Kats celebrated their victory with some pizza at the pizza parlor, where Ann, Jonny, and Al were waiting for them (to ask more questions for a later news broadcast).
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Disclaimer: SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron is copyright to Hanna-Barbera Cartoons Inc. All Rights Reserved. © 1995. All other characters and material within this page are the property of their respective creators.