Authors note: I have never played Magic: The Gathering, so some story points may not be accurate. I am, however, an avid D&D player, so there may be more relation to that game then MTG. My apologies to purists!
For Jon – who may want to think about switching to decaf ? !
Jake leaned back in his lawn chair and sighed. He and Chance had decided to take the day off, and were relaxing up on the roof in a couple of chairs they had dragged up there at some earlier date. Jake looked over at his partner, who was absorbed in a book about The Red Lynx, “How’s the book, bud?”
“Pretty good,” Chance grinned at his friend, “Although there’s not much new in here.”
“Well, I don’t suppose there’s too much more to be said about an old Megawar pilot,” Jake observed, turning his eyes towards the horizon, “Chance, is that what I think it is?” He pointed out over the roof, to a strange swirling cloud in the sky.
“Looks like The Pastmaster’s up to no good again,” Chance put down his book, “Let’s hit it!”
The pair sped down the stairs from the roof and in no time were down in the hanger, donning their g-suits. Quick as a flash, the pair transformed from regular mechanics to the SWAT Kats, and leaped into their jet, taking to the sky with a vengeance.
“Over this way, T-Bone,” Razor said from the gunner’s seat, pointing to the right.
“I see it,” T-Bone replied, banking the jet in a tight turn.
“Looks pretty nasty,” Razor observed, “Don’t get too close.”
Before T-Bone could answer his partner, there was a flash of lightening, and a tentacle reached out of the vortex and wrapped around the Turbokat.
“I don’t think we have a choice, bud,” T-Bone informed Razor, “Hold on tight!”
T-Bone wrestled with the joystick as the jet was sucked into the inky depths of the vortex. Both SWAT Kats lost consciousness soon after they entered the blackness.
T-Bone groaned, and rubbed his head. He opened his eyes, and found himself lying in an open field, the Turbokat and Razor nowhere in sight. Slowly sitting up, T-Bone shook his head, and tried to decide what to do next.
“Are you all right there, lad?” A voice from behind asked.
T-Bone jumped to his feet and whirled around, raising his gloveatrix. He found himself face to face with a young man in a kilt, with a bright red tartan pattern.
“Who are you?” T-Bone demanded, lowering his weapon.
“Jamie MacCrimmon, of the Clan MacCrimmon. And yourself?”
“Of what clan?”
“The SWAT Kats.”
“I’ve never heard of ye, but ye look a hearty fellow. Well met, T- Bone,” Jamie held out his hand, and, after a moment, T-Bone shook hands with the young Scotsman.
“Where are we?” T-Bone asked his newfound friend as he looked around, “I’ve never seen so many shades of green.”
“My guess would be Ireland. I’ve heard tales of the land of endless green, but it is even more beautiful than was told to me,” Jamie joined T- Bone in scanning the landscape.
“Green, huh? That would explain The Pastmaster’s involvement in this.”
“Let me explain……..”
Razor came to on the side of a cliff, the sea roaring many feet below him. He looked around, but saw neither T-Bone nor The Turbokat in the immediate vicinity. Turning his gaze upward, Razor saw an outcropping about six feet above him. Bringing his gloveatrix to bear, he fired a grappling hook and pulled himself up to the top of the cliff. Standing up and dusting himself off, Razor found he wasn’t alone.
“Who might you be, mister fancy equipment?” a sharp voice asked him. Razor looked up to see a young woman in a blue flight attendant’s outfit standing in front of him, her fists on her hips.
“Razor,” he introduced himself, “And you?”
“I’m Tegan Jovanka, and this is Romana,” the woman gestured to her left, and Razor noticed a small blonde woman in a blue dress standing there he hadn’t seen before, “Are you the one responsible for bringing us to Ireland?”
“Ireland?” Razor’s brow wrinkled in confusion, and he again looked around, noticing the green rolling hills, “All this green, and the vortex. I definitely think The Pastmaster’s around here somewhere.”
“Pastmaster?” Romana asked, her interest peaked.
“Here, lemme explain….say, you two haven’t come across any decks of cards, have you?”
The two women shook their heads, and Razor, with a sigh, continued his explanation.
T-Bone and Jamie were just trying to decide which way to go, when a bone chilling scream cut through the meadow.
“A banshee!” Jamie’s eyes were wide.
“A what?” T-Bone turned in the direction of the scream, but could see nothing.
“The scream of a banshee,” Jamie lowered his voice, “They say the banshee appears on the night before a member of the household is to die.”
“But it’s still daylight.” T-Bone pointed out.
“True. Perhaps we best ask her what she wants of us.”
“I’m a Highlander, from Scotland.”
T-Bone followed Jamie across the grass, in the direction of the scream they had heard earlier.
“Now, let me get this straight,” Romana said, her eyes on Razor, “This Pastmaster person just roams through time unchecked? The Time Lord Council will never stand for this! As soon as I get back to Gallifrey…”
“None of us are going to go anywhere if we can’t figure out how we got here,” Tegan pointed out, “Maybe we better try and find these so- called cards for mister fancy gadgets here.”
“I’d appreciate the help, but the name’s Razor,” mister fancy gadgets himself replied.
“Are you sure about how you got here?” Romana questioned him again, “I haven’t seen a jet around here at all.”
“Quite sure,” Razor scanned the horizon, hoping T-Bone and the Turbokat would materialize. No such luck.
“Look, all I want is to get home, have a huge vegimite sandwich and put my feet up,” Tegan put in, “The sooner we get moving, the better.”
The two women started off, but something caught Razor’s eye. Quick as a flash, he swooped down and snatched up whatever it was moving by a fallen log.
“Put me down, you big oaf!” a tiny female voice cried, the sound of it causing Tegan and Romana to turn around.
“What the…….” Razor looked at his paw. To his amazement, he held the smallest woman he had ever seen in his grasp.
“And who might that be?” Tegan asked as she came over to him.
“Me name is Deirdre, and I demand you release me!” the little figure squeaked, “The leprechaun king will be none too pleased with you!”
“A leprechaun!” Tegan squinted at poor Deirdre, who was quite flushed.
“What’s a leprechaun?” Romana came over to the other two. Tegan began to explain the legend of leprechauns to the other two.
“So, I get three wishes?” Razor questioned, his eyes on the figure in his paw.
“I suppose you deserve them, you did catch me fair and square,” Deirdre conceded, and stopped struggling, “I hereby grant you three wishes, Razor of Megakat City.”
“OK, my first wish is for the pack of cards that must be around here somewhere,” Razor told her.
“Done! But you’ll have to look hard for them.” The leprechaun said.
“What do you mean, look for them?”
“I’m not going to just hand them to you! Look for yourself, under the greenest shamrock in the meadow.”
“Do I have to make my other two wishes now, or can I wait?” Razor asked the dainty little fairy, giving up on the cards for the moment.
“You can make them when you want,” Deirdre informed him, “But be careful what you say. The next two things you wish for will come true, no matter where you are. Don’t forget. Now, can I please go?”
“Of course,” Razor unclenched his paw, and Deirdre disappeared with a twinkling of fairy dust, which made Razor sneeze.
“The greenest shamrock in the meadow?” Tegan raised an eyebrow at Razor, then gestured to the open field, “It’ll take a million years to look under every shamrock here!”
“We don’t need to look under every one, Tegan,” Romana spoke up, “Just the greenest one.”
Razor looked from one woman to the other, “I’m open to suggestions.”
Romana smiled, “It’s simple, really. All we have to do is figure out where the growing conditions are the best for shamrocks around here. That’s where the greenest one will be.”
“That’s OK, but what do we know about growing shamrocks? We can’t just tear around like wallies,” Tegan wanted to know.
“It would seem to me,” Romana mused, “That they would need a place with lots of sun. Where’s the sunniest place around here?”
“The cliff face,” Razor observed, then realization crossed his face, “Oh, no, I’m not going back down there!”
“You’re the one with the fancy gadgets,” Tegan pointed out.
With a sigh, Razor returned to the cliff face. Turning, he fired another grappling hook, aiming for a distant boulder. The rope attached to the hook encircled the rock several times, and the hook grabbed onto a section of the rope circling the rock. Razor slowly began to descend the cliff, looking for clumps of shamrocks. Romana and Tegan watched from above. Finding a particularly bright clump of greenery, Razor plunged his paw into it, and felt a familiar hard object. Taking hold of it, he pulled out the pack of blue cards and slipped them into his pocket. Razor then reversed the motor mechanism on the grappling hook, and let it pull him to the top of the cliff.
“Now that you’ve got your cards, what’s next?” Tegan wanted to know as Razor pulled himself up over the cliff once more and discharged the grappling hook.
“Now, we find my partner,” Razor answered, and he stood up and started walking in the original direction the women had been moving before he had found the leprechaun. After a moment, they followed him.
Jamie, followed by T-Bone, slowly came over a rise, and looked around for the form of the banshee. Seeing nothing, Jamie sped up the pace, almost jogging down the hill. He glanced back at T-Bone, “There doesn’t seem to be any….” at that moment, another loud scream made Jamie drop to the ground, flat on his back.
“I think we just found the banshee,” T-Bone observed, raising his gloveatrix.
Neither of them were prepared for what happened next. There was a loud roar, and a green cyclone rose from the ground in front of them. Slowly, the swirling wind took the shape of a lovely woman, with flowing dark hair and emerald green eyes, “Why do the two of you disturb me?” she demanded in a strong voice.
“Well, you see,” T-Bone explained as he helped Jamie up, “I’m in search of a certain deck of cards, and was brought here by The Pastmaster….”
“Enough of your drivel!” the banshee boomed, “Tell me the truth!”
“‘Tis the truth, ye bloody wench!” Jamie snapped, even though he wasn’t so sure of T-Bone’s story himself.
“You lie, Scotsman! And you, Kat!” She raised her arms, and prepared to scream once more.
“Only one way out of this,” T-Bone reached into his pocket and produced a card, which he flung at the banshee, “SLASH AND BURN!! (this is a card that I made up. It’s a mono artifact, sacrifice to make target creature burn to ashes. All abilities are lost, power becomes zero) C’mon, Jamie, run!”
The two charged back over the hill, as the banshee’s scream turned into a wail, and the ground began to shake. Both Jamie and T-Bone threw themselves down as the ground trembled and rolled beneath them. Soon, however, the fireworks were over, and the two sat up and surveyed the scene. There was now an ugly streak of black down where they had seen the banshee.
“What the bloody hell was that ye threw, T-Bone?” Jamie turned to his companion.
“It’s a long story,” T-Bone started to get up, then stopped. By his left paw, there was a strange indentation in the blanket of shamrocks and grass. Carefully, he probed it, to find a hard surface under the green. Pulling his paw back, he found he now held the pack of cards he had been searching for, “Mission accomplished!” T-Bone grinned at Jamie.
Razor, Romana, and Tegan had been walking for quite a while, and someone suggested a rest. The three sat down on a clear spot of grass, and contemplated each other.
“I still don’t see how we are going to get home,” Tegan observed.
“There should be a TARDIS around here somewhere,” Romana said, looking around in vain.
“How’d you get here?” Razor asked the two.
“Dunno. Last I knew, I was just getting home from the store. I opened the front door and stepped into Ireland – without my groceries, unfortunately,” Tegan explained.
“My situation was similar,” Romana put in, “but I was stepping out of a TARDIS.”
“Uh, yeah,” Razor said, “Well, why don’t we keep going? I have a feeling we can’t be too far from civilization. After all, someone must live here.”
The three got up and resumed their journey. After a few minutes, they came upon a lovely meadow, marred only by a large black scar cut in the grass.
“This burn is fresh,” Romana observed.
“And, if I’m not mistaken,” Razor smiled, “It was caused by my friend T-Bone. C’mon, he must be around here somewhere!”
“Razor? Is that you?” a familiar voice from up on the knoll called. A moment later, T-bone’s face popped over the rise to look down on them.
“About time you showed up,” Razor informed him as he trekked up the incline, followed by Romana and Tegan.
“Look who’s talking,” T-Bone returned with a grin.
“Now, how do we get out of here?”
“Wait!” Tegan suddenly cut in, “The wishes!”
“What wishes?” T-Bone wanted to know.
“Uh, it’s a long story,” Razor told him, “I guess this is as good a time as any to try them out. I wish we were all back were we belong.”
In a blue flash of light, the five figures disappeared. Romana was returned to her TARDIS, Tegan to her home in Australia (still without her groceries), and Jamie to the Scottish Highlands. T-Bone and Razor, now Jake and Chance once more, found themselves once again sitting on the roof of the garage in their lawn chairs.
“Megacool!” Chance exclaimed.
“Maybe not,” Jake observed, “Where’s the jet?”
The two rushed downstairs to the hanger again, only to find the Turbokat spread throughout the hanger – in about a million pieces. It didn’t look damaged, just disassembled.
“Oh, great, Jake! You brought us back here with the jet in pieces. Nice going!”
“I suppose you could have done better?”
“Wait, you have one more wish, right?”
“Why not wish for the jet back together again?”
“Cause I’m sure we can rebuild it soon enough. I’m not going to waste my last wish on something that we can do ourselves.”
“Look, Jake, we need our jet!”
“Look, Chance, I’m not wasting my last wish – at least not yet. I say we fix it ourselves. It won’t take long.”
The two stood staring daggers at each other. As he observed the situation through his dimensional mirror, The Pastmaster smiled to himself. Things were going well.
End of Part Three – NEXT!!!
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