Hi, its me, your friendly neighbourhood British madman. This is chapter two (No duh-Edward) of my failure story – I’m very negative about my own work. Here we learn slightly more about Edward, my human character. If you have no idea of what I’m talking about, as many of you probably haven’t after reading the intro to the first one, place read chapter one. Though it’s not much, its enough for now.
Now, on to the torture.
Edward was swimming in an ocean of colours. He swam and swam until his arms grew tired, but still he swam. As he swam he saw a bright light and swam towards it. The light got bigger and brighter until he swam into consciousness.
Jake and Chance had carried the figure into their living room, above the garage, and had laid him on the couch. They stood over him and discussed their options, limited as they were.
“What’re we gonna do with him… her… it… whatever?” Chance asked Jake.
“I think it’s a ‘he’,” Jake replied.
“How can you be so sure?”
“He hasn’t got any breasts.”
Chance took a closer look and saw that it was true. “But what if the female of his species don’t have breasts?” Chance said worryingly.
“Stop trying to complicate things,” said Jake with a touch of annoyance in his voice.
“Alright. So what ARE we going to do with ‘him’?”
“Well we’re sure not going to turn him over to the Enforcers. They’d have him in research faster then Viper’s vines can grow.”
“But he can’t stay with us. That just isn’t possible.”
“Because: One, Burke and Murry come here often. Two, kats of the public come here, including Callie and three, we’re the Swat Kats!” argued Chance.
“But we can’t…..”
He was cut short by the figure, who started to moan. He thrashed around on the couch and started to come to.
Edward opened his eyes, only to be blinded by the bright light. When his vision started to clear, he saw a blured figure, and because he no longer wearing his glasses, could not see who it was.
“Oh my head,” he moaned. He turned to the figure, who he thought was his mother. “Mum I just had the strangest dream. I thought that I saw these two cats dressed in overalls. And they had these..”
“That’s not ya mamma.”
The voice startled him. It was low and quite gruff and he had never heard it before. As his vision cleared he saw that the voice was right. Instead of his mother there was the thinner cat he had seen earlier. Its fur was a dark caramel brown colour. Edward screamed and slid to end of what was a sofa.
“Hey, it’s o. k. We won’t hurt ya,” said a voice behind him. He felt something on his shoulder. He turned and saw a large, creamy-coloured paw. The paw was connected to the bigger cat whose fur was creamed-coloured also.
Edward screamed again, jumped of the sofa and grabbed the nearest thing he could find to use as a weapon. Unfortunately, it was a magazine that was on a coffee table, but it was better than nothing. He backed into a wall and held the magazine away from his body. It was shaking in his hand as he was scared out of his mind. They turned and gave each other a surprised look.
“Stay away. Stay away or I’ll hit you!” he yelled. They turned and gave him weird look. An idea came to him.
“Woof! Ah woof, woof, woof! WOOF!” he yelled, trying to be a dog.
“Woof? I only say that to pretty she-kats,” said the bigger one.
Edward’s mouth opened and he dropped the magazine. It landed on the floor with a thud.
“Ah Chance, now you’ve really scared him,” said the smaller one. Edward slid down the wall and sat on the floor.
“This is a dream. I’m dreaming. I didn’t really fly through the sky, I didn’t really hear a jet and fall into a pool and these cats are aren’t really here.” With that he put his fingers into his ears and started to say “Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” When this didn’t work he started to speak gibberish in fright.
“Hey, it’s o. k. We aren’t going to hurt you, really.” This was the smaller one. By the time he had finished speaking he was at Edward’s side. Edward lifted his head and looked at the smaller cat.
“I’m not dreaming, am I?” he said weakly.
“Sorry, but ya not.”
Edward got up and limped to the sofa. He sat down and looked blankly at a t.v. at the other of the room. He saw his glasses and put them on. The room became clear immediately. As he turned to the cats, he winced as he found that he had hurt his neck. After a moments thought, he put his hand out to the smaller cat.
“My name’s Edward Nikata,” with much more strength in his voice this time.
The smaller one took it in his paw and shook it. It was soft and furry and Edward noticed that he had only 4 digits.
“I’m Jake Clawson and this is my buddy Chance Furlong.” Chance waved so he waved back.
The three sat in silence for a second. Chance was the first to speak.
“So, what are ya?”
Edward raised an eyebrow and looked at him. “I’m a human male, thank you very much”
Edward racked his brains for a correct explanation. “A human. Homo-sapien? There’re about 7 billion of us back where I come from.”
“Well that sorts it out then.” Edward looked at him for a moment before Jake spoke.
“Don’t worry. We didn’t know whether to call you a “he” or “she”.”
“Oh. Well I guess that’s ok then.”
“How did you get here?” Jake asked. He collected his thoughts and told them how he got here, from the black hole to seeing them for the first time.
“So you ARE the one that came out the vortex,” Jake said happily.
“What’s a ‘vortex’?” Edward inquired.
Jake explained about the Pastmaster, his use of vortexes and how he brought and sent things backwards and forwards through time. He also mentioned about what had happened earlier, missing out the fact that they had been it the battle. By the time Jake had finished, Edward’s eyes had grown wide in amazement. Also he was getting a warm feeling running down his leg. He lifted his trouser leg up and saw a long trail of blood running down his leg from a big, ugly cut on his knee.
“Yikes!” said Chance, jumping up. “I’ll get the first aid kit.” With that he walked out the room.
It was Edward’s turn to ask questions. “Where on earth am I?”
“Well, not on ‘earth’, that’s for sure,” explained Jake “You’re in MegaKat City, on the planet Katopia.”
“Catopia? Megacat city?” I sense a theme here, he thought. “Does this planet happen to be populated by cats?”
“Yeah,” said Chance as came into the room with first aid kit. “Here.”
“Thanks,” said Edward, finding some cream and a plaster.
Suddenly there was buzz. Jake and Chance got up and walked towards the window. They both got very nervous for some reason. “Stay here,” they both said as the walked out the room. Edward looked around the room. It wasn’t very tidy. The only furniture was the sofa he sat on, the T. V. and the coffee table. He picked up another magazine that was on the table and looked through it. It was a television listing. Many programmes were unfamiliar, but one caught his eye. It was “The Late Show With David Litterbin.” The title was very familiar, but he just couldn’t place it.
Then something caught his eye. In a corner was what looked like a book. He walked over to it and when he tried to pick it up, his body told him that he couldn’t do that by sending a bolt of pain into his shoulder. He cried out in pain and dropped the book with a thud.
Chance and Jake were talking to an enforcer officer, who was asking if they had seen or heard anything suspicious, when they heard the cry and the thud. They looked at each other then at the officer, who looked up at the ceiling questionably.
“What was that?” he inquired
“Ah… it… uh was a friend of ours. He’s staying over for a while,” Chance managed to say. “He’s hurt himself, so were looking after him.”
“Oh, o.k. then.” With that he went back to questioning.
With more luck, Edward picked up the book. He hoped that his small accident hadn’t cause to much trouble with whoever they were serving. He went back to the sofa, sat down and read the title. It was an encyclopedia. With a smile he open the book and began to read. What he found out was fascinating! It appeared that Katopia (He found the correct spelling) was a parallel to his own planet, in every aspect, right down to the names of countries, cities and other aspects of society. With the map of America, he pin pointed Megakat City, which was where San Fransisco should have been. The names of planets, elements, inventions, famous people. Almost exactly the same. He else discovered was that this world was about 20 years in front of his world, technology wise, though world events were happening at relatively the same time as on his world.
As he read through, he found the history of Katopia, from prehistoric kat up to modern day. What amazed him even more was the fact that this planet had also had two major world conflicts, called Mega War One and Two. Though the dates of these wars were much earlier then on Earth, they had the same time span and had started for the same reasons. He was so engrossed in this book that he did not hear Chance and Jake reenter the room.
The officer finally left, but not without saying that if they saw or heard anything out of the ordinary, they were to contact the enforcers immediately. They said yes and with that he left. Glad to get rid of him, they returned to their immediate problem. When they returned to the living room, they found Edward with his nose in a large book.
Chance looked at the book. “What’s that he’s got?” he whispered to Jake, not wanting to scare the human.
“Looks like my old encyclopedia,” he replied.
“We have an encyclopedia?” Chance answered back. He would rather read Playkat or the t.v. magazine then an information book.
“Wow!” came Edward, who at that moment looked up and saw that the two kats had returned. He had a grin on his face of someone who had just solved the biggest puzzle of all.
“What ya found?” asked Jake.
“I think I know exactly what’s happened. Sit down and I will reveal all,” he said in his best evil voice.
The two kats smiled and sat on the sofa. “Well, don’t keep us in suspense!” Chance said
Edward got comfy and began. “Let me start by telling you a bit about my world. And please, no interruptions. My world is called Earth. Its main population is made up of humans, of which there are 7 billion. Roughly. My world is also inhabited by many other forms of life, from large animals, insects and domesticated pets right down to single cell microbes. The planet is roughly two thirds water, land taking up the other third. There is ice at the poles and various other types of vegetation on the surface, including rain forests, deserts, tundra and grasslands. The planet is orbited by a single moon, called the moon. Finally, it is one of nine planets orbiting the sun, Earth being the third.”
All through this, Jake’s eyes were getting wider. At the last bit of information, his mouth literally dropped open.
“What?” asked Chance noticing his friend.
“That’s just what our planet is like! Even the number of other planets!”
“Exactly,” said Edward. “This brings me to one conclusion: This is parallel universe to my own. I’ve had a quick look through your history, maps and famous locations and discovered, beside from small variations, everything is exactly the same. Apart from that, the big difference here is that cats evolved into kats, instead of apes evolving into humans.”
He looked at the two kats before going on. “Though it has never been proven, until up to now that is, I have always believed, thanks to a large amount of science fiction, that there are parallel existences. Every time major decision has to be made, whether one that we can control or not, one existence takes one path, but another existence is created, following the other path. This is what’s happened here. When life started to evolve on this planet, it split into two, three, four, who knows how many more, realities and life evolved on each one. Two we now know of; Earth and Katopia.”
Jake thought hard about what had been said. “How can you be so sure that this is the case?”
“As I said, its only a theory, and that my idea is fuelled with ideas from ScFi films and stories. Besides, can you come up with an explanation?”
It was Chance’s turn to ask a question: “Do you have any idea how you can get back?”
Edward looked at him, not really comprehending his question. It went in, but he didn’t, couldn’t, answer. Finally he said “I have no idea.” It was then that it sunk in. He was trapped here, on an alien planet populated by kats.
“To get back, you’d have to use the Pastmaster’s watch and use the correct spell,” Jake said to Edward. “Then there’s the fact that it may not work and you could end up anywhere and at any point in time. Until we can find another way for you to get back to your own dimension safely, you’re stuck here, in ours.”
Edward just stared blankly back the two kats. For a moment, they fought that he was going to faint again. But instead he sighed and got up. He limped over to the window and looked out over the scrape yard. He was not one to cry, but these was very strange times indeed.
He thought back to his life before, what it had been. All the people that he loved, and all of his friends, were now on another planet, in another dimension. There was no way that he could reach them and tell them that he was alright and safe. To them, he was most probably dead. Edward didn’t have much of a life, but it was better then some others.
He bent his head down and closed his eyes, feeling them getting wet. He did not want to cry in front of two complete strangers, especially ones from another dimension. He didn’t like crying either, mainly because he thought he was too old to do so. But his eyes were just not doing what they were told. Tears rolled down his face, making tracks in the mud and blood on his face.
Jake got up and went over to the human. Not knowing what to do, he put his paw on his shoulder. Edward opened his eyes and looked at the kat. Jake smiled his best comforting smile. Edward looked at him and realized how funny he looked, the way his mouth turned up at the corners. He couldn’t help but giggle.
Jake gave him another weird look. “Don’t worry. It’s a human thing,” explained Edward. Jake took his paw off his shoulder, glad that he had helped a little.
Edward turned to the kats. “Well, it seems that I’m here for a lot longer then I had thought. But I can’t stay here though, I’ll just…”
“And go where?” Chance asked. “If you haven’t realized, there’s nowhere else for ya to go.”
“But I’ll get in the way. Not only that, what if someone finds me here? You two could get into a lot more trouble then I’m worth. No, I won’t jeopardize your safety.”
“You have nowhere to go,” Chance continued. “You’re on a completely different planet to yours. The only other option is being in some research lab with tubes up your ass for the rest of your life. The only place is here with us” Chance finished be pointing to himself and Jake.
Edward pondered what Chance had offered. He also knew that he was right. What else could he do?
“Are you sure that I won’t get in the way?”
“Nah,” Jake said. “There’s room here. And as long that you don’t eat like a horse, we’ll have enough for the three of us.”
“You don’t really have a choice,” Chance said in a jokey way. Edward threw up his hands in a mock gesture of surrender. “Alright, alright I give up, I’ll stay. But on your head be it.” Chance laughed and Jake grinned at his remake.
“You have a strange way of talkin’,” said Chance.
“It’s because I’m British. And a fact that I’ve read to much Dickens.” Seeing their faces at his reply he asked, “You… you do know who Dickens is… don’t you?” They shook their heads. Edward went over to the sofa and started to go through the encyclopedia. When he couldn’t find what he was looking for, cried for joy.
“Yes, yes, YES! He never existed! He was never born!” If he wasn’t so achy, he would have danced around the room for joy. His sorrow was now forgotten.
“Who didn’t?” the kats asked.
“Dickens. Charles Dickens. He was a writer in the 19th century. And he’s the bane of my existence. I have to study his novels for English, back at school. And is he ever boring!”
Jake thought that this was quite funny. Here was a alien from another dimension and all he could think of was the fact that the author he hated most never existed! Well, it was one way of relieving stress.
“Well first things first, I’d like at have a shower, or at least a wash. I don’t really feel all that comfortable in these dirty clothes.”
Chance lead him to the bathroom. “Here y’ are, Edward. Try not to use all the hot water”
“Yes mother,” Edward joked as he went into the bathroom. Just before he closed the door, he stuck his head around the door and said “And please, call me Eddy.”
To Be Continued……
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