That Slithering Idiot By David Noble
This is another story with Gabriel Clawson in it. Dr. Viper is out to plant some snaky ideas. The SWAT Kats’ ice missiles or Gabriel’s arrows may not be enough to stop Viper. Who will help them out? Again thanks the Jessi Hilyard for letting me use her character. Enjoy the story.
One early morning at the repaired Megakat trade tower, Dr. Viper was devising another scheme. He had found five large cobras on a trip to Egypt. Viper injected mesophyllic parenchyma and instant plant growth in the reptiles and their appearance changed along with their stimuli.
“Yes! Now let Feral and the SWAT Kats try to slither their way out of this! These beautiful snakes will swallow any kat who tries to get in my way. And they’re faster than my fungus or my Bacteria!” Viper hissed wily. The giant leaf covered cobras slithered out of the hidden lab and crashed their way out the windows.
In a crabmeat import meeting, Mayor Manx heard a noise downstairs. “Oh no!” he yelped. “Not my lovely repaired tower! What is it now?”
“I’ll check it out, Mayor.” Callie ran downstairs and saw great cobras with giant leaves growing out of them. “What the hell?” she gasped. She then heard a hissing sneaky voice.
“Go on my pets. Take your prey, but the city is mine!”
Manx ran down. “Oh no! What a mess. My building is ruined again.” Callie put her hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t worry Mayor. I’ll call the SWAT Kats and another useful source.”
Meanwhile in the salvage yard house, Jake was rocking his kitten, who was now named Sam, in his arms. Singing “Rock a by kitten on the tree top…” he had trouble getting Sam to go to sleep.
“I’m afraid you wouldn’t even get me to go to sleep with that scratchy voice, Jake.” Chance said holding a rattle and a toy lamb to the kitten.
“Know a better way to get a kitten to go to sleep, smart kat?” Jake was annoyed.
“How about punching him out?” Chance jokingly showed a fist. Jake charged at Chance.
“What’s that or maybe you’d like a fat nose!” he growled. Chance put up his hands.
“Chill out, buddy! I was just playing.” Jake calmed down and went back to his son.
Gabriel walked in with lilies and a toy snake and set them beside Sam. Jake was startled at the toy snake, took a whiff of the flowers, and sneezed.
“Sweetheart do you mind? I get allergies at this time of year. And I hope that’s not a real snake!” Jake complained. Gabriel sighed and put them aside.
“Sorry, honey. My friend Carol gave them to me at a kitten shower and I just thought they’d look good next to Sam. And no, this snake is just a toy. Just relax.” Jake let out a sigh of relief.
“That was nice of her.” Gabriel walked over and kissed Sam.
“It’s time to sleep now little darling.” She caressed him and shortly after, he slept. Then the phone rang and Chance answered it.
“Yes Miss Briggs?”
“SWAT Kats, Viper’s back and he’s up to some slithering plot.”
“We’re on our way. And by the way could you manage to baby-sit for a while. Gabriel will bring the kitten over to you.”
Callie giggled, “Looks like some little SWAT Kat’s a happy daddy! Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” She hung up.
Jake kissed his wife and hurried with Chance. “You’d better hurry, Gabriel. We sure could use you. And are you sure that snake’s not real?”
“I promise. Just stop worrying and go.” Gabriel rushed into her Black Arrow suit and took her bow and Sam. She brought Sam over to Callie’s place. Sam started to cry.
Gabriel held him close. “Hush now, sweetie. It will only be a little while.”
“He’ll be fine with me.” Callie promised taking the child. “Better hurry and don’t you worry.” Gabriel softly smiled at Sam and left.
The SWAT Kats flew into the city and saw the reptiles wrecking the buildings and tangling thousands of kats in their branches.
“His plans are getting weirder and weirder every time, T-Bone. Ice missiles deploy!” Razor’s missiles hit the reptiles on the sides along with T-Bone’s help and the cobras froze motionless in a mold of ice.
“SWAT Kats, let us down! We’re freezing!” The kats shivered.
“Hang on, folks! We’re bringing you down.” T-Bone called. Feral’s enforcers crowded around with big nets. “Now!” Feral boomed at the SWAT Kats.
“Since when do we take orders from the head honcho?” Razor asked, setting off the saw missiles, making the kats fall into the nets.
“Looks like it’s raining heavy kats in today’s weather report!” T-Bone said in a joke. Gabriel drove up and grabbed her arrows and bow.
“Hey, you guys need an ally!” Black Arrow called to the SWAT Kats as she was preparing her bow for firing. Razor did a thumb’s up.
“Let her rip!” Black Arrow took out her bow that had four shoots on it. She shot off four arrows, including the last one. The arrows hit the iced snakes and broke them in half. The ice broke into pieces.
“Way to go, baby!” Razor said excitingly, cheering. T-Bone did a thumb up and smiled. Black Arrow blushed.
“It’s your brilliant ideas that help,” she said. Dr. Viper rushed out.
“My poor pets!” He started bawling as Feral cuffed him. Razor chuckled.
“What a cry baby. Come on, T-Bone buddy. Let’s go home.”
Dr. Viper turned to the SWAT Kats. “Is there no way to stop you senseless Swat Kats?”
“What’s the matter, Viper? Mad because I crumbled your ideas? You’ll never learn,” Black Arrow teased.
“Stupid girl, I’ll show you how to meddle with Viper!” Dr. Viper sent his tail swinging into Feral’s crotch. He keeled over holding it, moaning. T-Bone giggled. Dr. Viper then charged at Black Arrow. She reached for an arrow.
“Just try to catch me, lizard lad!” She had realized she had used all her arrows. “Ah damn!” Viper’s tail struck her, knocking her down. She fell unconscious and Viper grabbed her in his arm.
“That’s it, ugly. Now you’re really in the greenhouse!” Razor shouted. The five cobras that were now becoming ten with leaves growing out of them charged at the SWAT Kats.
“Whoa, Razor! It’s become a living jungle out there!” T-Bone cried.
“Ice missiles deploy!” Razor fired more missiles that killed five snakes since they were smaller. Unfortunately five missiles was all Razor had left. “Crud! Now we’re both out of stock. Let’s use our flame thrower!”
Suddenly two cobras crashed in through the Turbokat’s windshields and grabbed T-Bone and Razor out by their necks and legs and wrapped themselves around them. The Turbokat crashed into the tower.
“Oh great! Another repair job damaged and I’ll get blamed like last time!” Feral complained. He then thought of an idea. “I might have been mad at the SWAT Kats too long, so I’ll help them out this time. I know that heat can kill plants and our firing is hot enough to kill plants so why not reptiles? Hopefully then the SWAT Kats can leave me in peace.”
Meanwhile, T-Bone and Razor were struggling with the evil Egyptian snakes. “Razor, how can we get out of this? This rascal’s got me tight!” T-Bone choked.
“I can’t get loose myself either. Now you know why I don’t like snakes or being among plants in May.” Razor sneezed a bit and then came up with an idea. “Hey T-Bone! Do this!” Razor then called up to the snake, taking out his fore finger.
“Hey pal! I think you’ve got an itch. Lemme help you with it.” Razor tickled the cobra’s side, which caused him to laugh. Razor grinned.
T-Bone smiled at the idea. “Hey, that looks like fun.” The cobra binding him shook its head and then cackled as T-Bone’s fingers of his paw tickled his side. T-Bone grinned.
“Whatsa matta, pal? Ain’t you having fun?” The snakes that were laughing released the SWAT Kats.
“There’s always that good old trick, huh Razor?” T-Bone asked.
“Ain’t it the truth, buddy. Now let’s save Black Arrow.” As they ran towards Viper, Feral and his enforcers’ shots killed the remaining serpents.
“That lizard loser could realize his experiments are either frost or heat free. It’s a good thing snakes are cold blooded.” Feral chuckled in triumph as he used lighters that fried the cobras until they were dusts.
Razor fired his glovatrix at Viper, causing him to drop his wife. “It’s all over fatlip!”
T-Bone set off a claw hook, breaking more of the parenchyma liquid he had. He charged at T-Bone, but Razor grabbed him by his collar and kicked him over to Feral.
“You just try stopping me!” Viper hissed at Feral. “You’re no match for my plants!”
“Looks like your plans are already matched up,” joked T-Bone, pointing to the ashes of the snakes.
“Thanks SWAT Kats!” Feral called. T-Bone was surprised.
“Imagine him thanking us.” He chuckled.
“Dr. Viper still has many experimental schemes up his sleeve!” Viper was cuffed and led off. Razor shook his head.
“He’ll never learn. Never.” Then, Mayor Manx came running up.
“Commander, arrest those clumsy SWAT Kats! They’ve destroyed my tower!” he whined. Feral put his paw on the Mayor’s shoulder.
“Easy there, old boy. They may be klutzy crime fighters, but I helped them out and I’ll just have to keep on taxing out of everyone’s pay until it’s cleared.”
“But, but what about the charge for the crabmeat import here?” Manx screeched.
“There, there Mayor! I think we can figure something out.” Feral said wrapping his arm around the scared mayor and leading him out. He was secretly referring to cutting the funds in Manx’s golfing tournament, but he didn’t want him to know about it.
“I think we’ve got two authorities against our tails now,” T-Bone sighed.
“At least we still have two others who aren’t,” Razor said. He rushed over to Black Arrow and shifted her up and threw his arms around her. “You ok, baby?”
Black Arrow recovered her strength. “Is it over?” She then felt her side. It felt red. Razor picked her up and carried her to the Turbokat.
“Yes it’s over. Let’s go home, now. Our hero’s job today has been kinda tight. ” Razor put her in the seat next to him.
“And about that snake toy. Would you please burn it?” Razor asked.
“Oh Razor, you daisyhead. Plastic isn’t gonna hurt you. But, I’ll give it to him later on if you’re that scared of it,” Black Arrow said.
Razor smiled and licked her face as T-Bone flew them back home into the orange sky.
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