My eyes slowly opened as I looked at the alarm clock, and I rolled back. I didn’t want to wake up; I wanted to stay in my bed forever and avoid having to get up and admitting to myself that Chance was truly gone.
It was like a childish hope that if I didn’t carry out this day, that if I just threw the covers over my head and closed my eyes, this entire nightmare would go away. I could pretend it never happened. But, I knew it wouldn’t happen, no matter how much I wished for it and wanted it.
Getting up slowly from the bed, I feel my feet touch the cold floor as I sit there trying to collect my thoughts that seemed to be going every other way but the way I want them to. I then pushed off the bed and slowly walked into the kitchen to grab some milk, but then as I opened up the fridge and looked in, I found my appetite wasn’t even there. What was the point?
Slamming it back shut, as I stand there alone, in the kitchen trying to contemplate how I was going to continue this day without wanting to collapse in frustration. Any minute Chance was going to come out of his room with that look on his face, the same one he always got when he would wake up. Turning and looking at the door, knowing any minute now, it was going to happen, even though deep within my heart it was aching for thinking something so ridiculous that I knew would never happen again. I begin to will the door open, just to see Chance, standing behind it.
‘Stop this,’ I commanded myself. I hadn’t even gone into his room since the accident. I wasn’t sure when I would be brave enough to venture into a room that held so many memories of my friend. That was the thing, they were just memories now, and as I grew older they would soon began to fade and I would have nothing left.
I had to get ready; I couldn’t stand staring at the door wishing for things that would never take place. Taking one more glance at the closed entrance to Chance’s room, I then turned and walked towards my own room to get ready to bury my best friend.
(Megakat Riverside Cemetery)
Emptiness. This is all that I can feel in my body as I stand at my best friend’s gravesite. This incredible overwhelming feeling that had taken over since Chance had died, was an emotion that I couldn’t seem to escape. I had little sleep over the last three days, and when I would finally slip into an exhausted restless slumber, I would wake up screaming with tears running down my cheeks. Chance had died all over again, and I would wake up feeling the same way; it seemed I couldn’t even find relief even in my dreams.
I just couldn’t figure out how to say good-bye, when I wasn’t ready to. I feel this certain urge to want to say one last thing to him, but how do you do that to somebody that’s no longer living?
The ceremony had been quicker then I originally thought. I keep thinking over in my head again and again, kept picturing it would take an eternity, dragging on this hellish nightmare. But one minute I heard the preacher speaking, the next people were giving their last respects and then walking away.
As Kats began dispersing, I saw something out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t look up. Feral’s voice is low, first time I had actually ever had heard it with such a gentleness to it. “Chance….he was a great pilot….I’m sorry for your loss, Clawson.” Then, softly he put his hand on my shoulder, patted it, and then walked away.
Tears began to well up as I glanced up past the trees, not wanting to break my composure right there on the spot. Then a soft sigh escaped my lips as I breathed in very slowly as my eyes cleared once again and I glanced back at the headstone. ‘Chance, you, would have loved to hear that, but too little too late.’
I can’t tell you how much of a surprise I got when Callie and Felina had shown up after they had witnessed what had happened to the jet. The entire time they had known our identities, both finding out some how and both vowed never to say anything. They wanted to wait, until we told them ourselves.
I was probably even more shocked being that Feral knew as well and made no attempt to arrest me, or make me pay for the damages the Swat Kats had done time and time again to the city. Guess he respected us more then anyone thought he did.
Callie is standing next to me, and I can see she’s turning to say something to me but can’t quite get it out.
Hearing Callie’s voice begin the sentence and then stop, as she’s tries to collect her words and think before she speaks. Then again what do you tell somebody that had just lost somebody so dear to them? You can say as many times as you’d like how deeply sorry you are, but it wouldn’t bring them back. It also wouldn’t lessen the pain any.
“Don’t forget we’re here for you, and we miss him too.” Callie didn’t say anything else, just quickly turned and walked away.
Everybody is gone, all leaving me to stand there as I glare at the marker that shouldn’t be here. There shouldn’t be one for my best friend; Chance should be still here alive and watching Scaredy Kat. I just don’t get it. How could this happen to us? It happens to everybody but us. We see it all the time on the news and feel sympathy for them but knowing it would never happen to us; we always could escape danger, and laugh about it later.
“How could you do this?” I feel my shoulders starting to shake as everything I had held in began to come out. Everything I felt about this was coming out full force and I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t want to either.
“You were my brother, so are you happy….you got to go out in a blaze of glory and left me here to try and pick up the pieces!”
Then anger slowly rose up in me that I didn’t even know I could possess as I then began kicking at your headstone. Kicking at the fact that I hated this reality I was now living in. Hating that I had to live with this for the rest of my life. Killing me inside, not sure how I was going to survive this losing of my best friend. Nobody understood me but Chance and now he’s gone.
With one final straining push I put the head stone on its back as I began screaming “I HATE YOU.” Curling my hands up into fists “DO YOU HEAR ME?” I repeated my words as though just in case I hadn’t made myself clear the first time. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and soaking my fur as my legs gave out and I landed on the ground. I hated this more than anything and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing.
I wanted more than anything for this pain to go away but zilch could be done about it and it would never be the same ever again, because of this. I hated Chance for doing this to me, furious for dying on me.
Then I felt something on my shoulder. I felt myself gasp as the fur on the back of my neck stood up. ‘Could it….’ I stopped that line of thinking and slowly turned around half expecting to see my best friend standing there.
All I saw was an empty graveyard, and not a single soul in sight. But the feeling of calmness began to sit in, as I got the weirdest feeling come over me as I continued to stare at the spot. I know I felt something; it wasn’t just a figment of my imagination. But, could it be? That would by some weird twist of fate if Chance was here, standing right next to me. Even in death he was still my best friend.
But there was nothing there, and I simply let out a sigh as I stood up and began to walk away from the gravesite. Once again, I felt something. It was a warm sensation that ran through my entire body and made me feel that even though it looked bad right now everything would be okay. Not wanting to think much on it anymore, I whispered softly “Goodbye, my friend.” Then, not turning back around, I walked out of the graveyard and away from Chance Furlong’s headstone.
Dust in the Wind by Kansas
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone.
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, through we refuse to see.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.
Now, don’t hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.
It slips away, and all your money won’t another minute buy.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.
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